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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95,

I’m sorry to hear of how you were feeling last night. But reading your post this morning is really encouraging.
You have recognized that you don’t want to go down that path again and considering bringing it up to your psych is amazing.
I do think this could benefit you both by doing this.

Do let us know how it goes and I hope you’re feeling alright this morning.
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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Alison5. I just feel really low and alone. I was 30min late to my appointment so was only a quick one but I wrote some stuff down last night to give to her which I guess helped us to address a few things quicker. She wants me to consider taking a break from uni and maybe seeing a trauma specialist though which I really don't want to do. It took alot for me to see her and feel comfortable with her and I don't want to see anyone else because she's the only person I want to work on things with. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi MB95,

Well done for having the initiative to write some of those things down.
Just remember that those things she suggested are just for consideration. You don’t have to do any of it.

She may be suggesting a trauma specialist because she isn’t equipped to help you properly. I know I got on-referred because my psych (whom I loved) didn’t feel she could assist me properly and get me the care I needed. I was super upset but it was definitely the right decision in that some of the issues have been addressed and I’ve been able to get better. (Something she was pretty sure she couldn’t have done).

Your psych also mentioned perhaps taking a break from Uni. This is obviously a decision that is completely up to yourself, but I’ll just give my opinion on which you can take or leave.
This was once suggested for me, however, I knew that I did well when I was busy and had plenty of things to do. Despite it being stressful or even overwhelming at times, being busy was the only thing that kept me functioning. It kept my brain active and my mind working.
My parents and I both knew that so we elected to reduce my load but certainly not cease everything. That way I was keeping busy but also not overloaded with things to do.
It might be something to think about. Perhaps dropping one or two subjects so you’re only there part time or dropping all but one and maybe get a part time job.
There are many possibilities, but I would just be careful about stopping everything as we require a stimulus to keep us functioning. And if there’s too much focus on your mental health and how you’re unwell and it’s a daily reminder, it can actually do more harm than good. This is also one of the reasons hospitals try to discharge you relatively quickly.
Also be careful of the “all or nothing” phrase many people find themselves in. We have to try and find a middle ground 👍🏼 (I’m a big culprit of this 😝)

Anyway, just some things to think about. And as always, keep us updated and let us know your thoughts on here 💜
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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey there @MB95 

 

There's no need to say sorry about your message - you're not alone in getting into that head space where you want to ride yourself off to cope. I'm so happy you felt comfortable to come to the forums, even though you were feeling really low. 

 

The main thing is that you recognise it isn't a coping strategy that is a helpful solution. You were able to steer clear from drinking for two years, which I think is a massive strength. What helped you stop drinking in the past? 

 

I am really proud of you for seeing your psych and writing things down to address. You are taking so many proactive steps and I know it isn't always easy for you when seeing your psych. Whenever you tell us about your sessions it's clear that she really cares for your well-being. How are you feeling after the session? 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thankyou guys. I'm okay I guess, just absolutely exhausted and feeling the lows I often feel after drinking which I know is stupid and I only have myself to blame. I'm so angry at myself that I felt like I needed it but I just wanted to forget for a while. I am sorry, I'm not usually like this. To answer your question @Bre-RO I think I just knew deep down that the drinking wasn't me and that I needed to try and find myself again, which is what I am trying SO HARD to do now!!! I hate what alcohol does to people which is why I tend to avoid it. But I was just really low the other day and couldn't bring myself to self-harm so decided the next best thing was to try and ride myself off in the hope my thoughts and feelings would go away. Today has been a wake up call though because as much as part of me just wants to finish off what's in the fridge the other part of me is not going to allow it to happen. I spoke to my best friend in Canada today and I think I just needed the reminder that I have people like her and they'd be so disappointed in me if they knew. And I really don't want that. 

 

I think seeing my psych today has also worn me out. It was a really short session cause I was late but I felt like we crammed so much into it. My emotions were everywhere and I got a bit teary and just didn't really know what was going on. So I'm exhausted. 

 

Thankyou for reminding me that what my psych said is just a suggestion @Alison5  and that I don't actually have to do it. She made sure I knew I had choices but she also said that alot of what I'm experiencing at the moment sounds like it's linked to my traumas and that if I want to deal with it then I'm going to have to go down that path eventually rather than avoiding it all the time. I get where she's coming from and it all makes sense, I just don't know how to tell if I'm ready and I'm so scared about how it's going to affect my uni which is why she suggested also taking a break. Idk. I'll work it out, i just need some time to weigh up what's best to do. And I am 100% hearing you - thank you so much for sharing your experience because I didn't really think about it but I also need to be kept busy! Sometimes I really feel like we are the same person with everything you say!! 

 

My psych also just emailed me cause we forgot to talk about that group thing I mentioned about the social anxiety? But I've decided to hold off till the next one because I really don't think I'm ready for that cause she said that if I do that then our individual sessions would take a break until it's over and I feel like I need them alot more at the moment then some group thing? Idk. It sounded good but maybe just not for right now.

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95, thanks for being so brave in sharing all of that. It sounds like you have done a lot of self-reflection and decided that you no longer want to engage in drinking. Sometimes we do things that may feel helpful at the time but actually realise that it has had a negative impact. It is quite normal to experience this and the most important part is reflecting on the impact it has had on you - which you have done amazingly well Heart What would you do if you felt like you needed a bit of relief again?

It is really great to see that you have been making some big decisions about the direction of your therapy. It is not always easy to do but remember that you always call the shots. You can change the direction at any time because it is your journey Smiley Happy You also mentioned a little bit about taking a break from university.. Is this something you think would be helpful?

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Honestly @Taylor-RO I don't really know.. maybe try and go for a walk or something instead? I think I'm going to try and take the day out for myself tomorrow and not do any uni and just spend the day reflecting and trying to sort myself out. I just feel so lost and like I don't know where I belong or what I should be doing and my poor psych is trying so hard with me and I think she's really struggling to work out what I want from her because she's asked me a couple times what I want to focus on first and I can never seem to give her a clear answer. 

 

I have thought about taking a break from  uni and taking a year off to go and travel again to try and find myself. But it's also a way I run away from things and is why I came back to Australia because I want to deal with things so I can move on. I also just want to get my degree over and done with because I feel like I'm starting to get too old to be at uni now. So if I take time off it might just be for a semester or I might just look at dropping my load like @Alison5 suggested. I don't know. I do know I'm really struggling at uni at the moment and my psych is worried about my quality of life and does think it's something we need to consider and I know I do, I just can't help but feel like I've failed if I drop down or take some time off. Like I'd be the first to suggest and support someone else through it but when it comes to me I can't help but feel like a failure. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95 ,

 

Just catching up on the posts from the weekend, I think you've shown so much strength and self-awareness in knowing why you felt like you had to drink a lot, but also recognising that it isn't something that you want to rely on as a crutch to deal with problems.  A lot of people don't have that level of insight about themselves and why they drink, and I think it's really impressive - especially when you're at uni and getting drunk can be such a normalised thing. 

 

Your idea of taking the day off and not do any uni work and reflect on yourself instead sounds like a great one, how did you go? Were you able to do anything nice for yourself? 

 

I hear you saying that you feel like a failure if you defer uni for a semester or drop your study load, and I feel for you so much - I have had exactly those feelings myself about uni in the past. It can be so hard to show ourselves the compassion we would show to other people sometimes. 

 

I did end up dropping my study load down for two semesters and it was absolutely the best decision for myself, my family and my mental health - it meant I graduated after my friends, but my academic advisor was incredibly supportive and congratulated me for putting myself first. It's so common for uni students to end up really burnt out, and universities will generally understand that sometimes "life happens." I think that considering this option is the opposite of being a failure - it shows that you are self-aware, are being proactive in managing your own mental health and are taking steps to help to do the work you need to do. If you decide to take time off to travel, that's also totally okay! So many people find that they need time and space to work things out, and again, I think it shows a lot of courage. 

 

How are you feeling today? 

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

I'm not sure how I'm feeling to be honest @Janine-RO. I just feel so distant and out of it at the moment. I went to the group thing today and am not sure how I feel about it and then I played a game of volleyball with my housemates which brought up so much amxiety but I was trying to be so strict with myself the whole time and just suck it up and be normal but it was so hard. I'm just exhausted and feel do down and alone at the moment and can't work out why. I just feel really sad and lonely and like I'm worth nothing and don't belong here.

 

I did take that day away from my studies and built my bookshelf and sorted my room out a bit cause I hadn't done it since moving in and it was nice. I just feel like I don't care about anything at the moment and don't know why. I have an exam on the weekend and haven't even looked at my notes because I just don't care about passing. Normally I have to get HDs in everything but for some reason I can't motivate myself to care anymore. 

 

Thanks for sharing your story about dropping your load at uni. I don't really know what to do and just really don't feel much for life at the moment. Every now and then I have these ups where I feel like I might be able to do this but then they are followed by these downs and no matter how hard I try there are so many more downs at the moment. I just feel lile things aren't worth it and this is all too hard. I'm never going to be normal no matter how hard I try so I guess I just have to get used to it.

 

Sorry for sounding so negative but I just don't have much left in me at the moment and I feel so distant and out of place. I am trying but I judt feel sad, numb and angry. It's like I'm watching myself from thr outside but can't connect with the world of that makes any sense?

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95 , 

 

You write so beautifully, and I can really relate to those feelings of feeling distant, numb, sad and angry - I know I've been there in the past, and I think a lot of people here on the forums could really relate. It's a really tough space to be sitting in. I remember feeling like things would never change for me, and it's an awful feeling. You don't have to go through it alone. 

 

You mentioned that you're worried that your psych will be frustrated with you - but not knowing exactly what you want to do is really common when you're feeling like this. It can be easy to feel "stuck", and hopefully that is something she will be able to help you with. Do you think sharing what you've written here with her could be helpful? 

 

We are all here for you, I really admire how many steps you've taken in the last few months. Even if it doesn't feel like it, you're doing an amazing job, and we're really glad you're reaching out here. 

 

Are you seeing your psych this week? Sometimes chatting to a GP can be helpful as well, there's a lot of things they can check out that can contribute to those feelings. Sending virtual hugs your way. 

 

 

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here