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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

@MB95 It does make sense and isn’t super weird to not feel ready to accept it. I think because of the society we live in having a mental health issue can often been seen as who you are not something you have to live with so when it comes to acceptance it can feel like accepting it means you as a person are now not the same person and that the MI is you like a replacement of your identity which can feel super confusing and weird even though it isn’t actually doing that but idk it can feel like you have to reveal to people that you aren’t as human as they are because of the stigma. I am not explaining my point well at all but I will leave it there because I am tired. Sorry this probably makes no sense I might check back later. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Andrea-RO ❤

Those suggestions make it sound so damn easy!!! I just wish it was as easy as it is said than done 🙃 I think my parents have got the idea that I want to spend time with them cause mum has been trying to do things with me every single day and dad took us all out fishing on my 2nd day back 😂 It's been nice, but just overwhealming too but I think they are learning to accept that I need my alone time too. That's what makes me think they've picked up on things. Just trying to work the courage to tell them and whether it's the right time..!

 

@Alison5 I'm not gonna lie, being home has been really difficult with family dynamics atm (long story short my grandad isn't well and is living with us which has caused a few arguments - I had to start another thread for it 😂) so with everything going on I decided now isn't the right time to be talking to my parents because they really don't need the additional stress and worry. BUT I've just been reading back on your comments like I said I would and taking note of all your strategies/advice you've shared with me and you've inspired that part of me that wants to tell them to pop it's head out again! I'm still really unsure but I'm starting to consider it again so thanks 😊 I would just love to be able to go back and tell my psych I did it because I really don't wanna let her down!!! 

 

I have legit screenshot some of your messages where you've given such awesome suggestions so I can reflect on them and hopefully implement them where I need too - I really related to what you wrote to your mum in your letter and think I'm going to do the same sort of thing. 

 

I just don't know how to actually bring up the fact I want to talk to them both alone. And even then, I don't think I can talk. I'm so scared and nervous and kinda don't want to be there for it because I'm worried their reactions may make it worse for me. I've thought of giving them my psychs letter and then one that I write to explain a couple things and then leave them with it while I head out for a bit? Idk, that way they have time to talk it through together and I have time to calm myself down and accept what I've just done? What do you think? I just know I won't be able to look them in the eye or be able to talk to them straight up that's all.. 

 

As for writing a pros and cons list I haven't really had much alone time since being home and when I have I've been too exhausted to think. But I'm definately going to write one out before I make any decisions so I'll let you know how it goes! 

 

How was your christmas anyway? I hope you had a lovely relaxing few days ❤

 

@Eden1717 your point made sense so thankyou! 😊 And I guess it is hard to accept with the stigma. Like I hope this doesn't sound stuck up or judgemental or anything.. but when others have mental illnesses I whole heartedly accept them and understand how real it is and not once would I dare make them feel ashamed about it. But when it comes to me having one, it's like I can't/won't accept it and I'm so embarrassed about it. It's rediculous really, I'll help others but won't admit my illnes to others or open up and seek help. Like I slowly am but only to my psych atm.

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

@MB95  that is normal it is always easier to see/accept that others have a problem than it is with yourself. I never had to tell my parents exactly because I never didn’t have mental health problems so they knew because they took me to the dr when I was really little. But they didn’t know I had started self harming and was feeling bad again when I was in high school and I gave my mother a note and ran away and hid in my room it didn’t exactly go well but I don’t think there is ever a good or right time to do it and sometimes it is easier to rip the bandaid and just get it out of the way... 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95,

 

I had a nice Christmas and hope you did too, despite being understandably, very exhausted. 😃 

 

I think giving them your psychs letter along with your own is a good idea. And I think if you just slipped it to them and then went out, that would be fine and you don't have to see their immediate reactions and, like you said, they can talk with each other. You can always write on the front of the note that "i'm going out, will be back soon and for just Mum and Dad to read it." Or something like that. Then they know you're alright having left and you will return.

 

And whilst your psych and everyone here would definitely be proud if you managed to tell your parents, don't feel overwhelmed by any pressure. I know that's easier said than done, but it is up to you what you decide.

 

I hope you have a great New Year and perhaps letting them know could be a New Years resolution you want to achieve before you have to leave? 😃 

 

Take care

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks for replying @Alison5 ❤

 

I feel like I'm split down the middle at the moment and part of me wants to tell them because it's making me feel so guilty, especially when they ask me things and I have to straight out lie to cover it up. But then the other part of me really doesn't want to burden them and is also so scared because once they know I can't take it back. I'm just really scared for their questions because there's alot I don't want to tell them or know. The thought of them knowing just makes me sick. 

 

I'm trying so hard to get over it and just grow a pair because I know it's probably a good thing to tell them but I just can't get myself past the damn freak out stage!! 

 

It would be a good NYs resolution because I've been saying for the last few years 'this will be the year I'll get help' (tick) and 'this will be the year I tell mum and dad' (yet to tick). So I have been thinking about it as the NY approaches because I don't want to be here trying to achieve the same thing this time next year.. I just wish I wasn't so scared!!! 

 

Also, my grandad is living with us atm and I don't know how to get my parents on their own. I thought about asking them to lunch but also don't think it's fair on them to read the letters in a public place? Cause I know my mum is gonna cry and stress. I do like your idea of just leaving it at home and writing on the envelope but that also scares me because my grandad might see it and start asking questions too 🙃 

 

Sorry.. I'm just freaking out!! 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Yeah I get what you mean that there's probs never a right or wrong time @Eden1717. I'm just finding it really hard with everything else that's going on atm, I don't like causing others stress especially if it's about me! I'm also about to go on a weeks holiday with my mum and sister and am scared she's gonna treat me differently in front of my sister. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

@MB95  Yeah I get that at the same time though if they are going to treat you differently and it is going to cause them stress then I still don’t think any time is better than another time. There will always be something in the way or something you want to wait until after to tell them so that things change after that but life keeps going and before you know it it has been 6 months and you are still waiting for things to ease up to tell them. I get that it is super hard and not easy to do but I do think that if you are waiting for the reasons you mentioned those will likely never go away enough for it too feel like the right time.....

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @Alison5 @Jess1-RO @Bre-RO @Andrea-RO @Eden1717, I'm so sorry to be asking for advice on the first day of the year but I'm a little stuck and stressed. I've finally written a letter to my parents to go with the letter from my psych. Personally, I really don't think I want to tell them but I also really don't want to let my psych down and am sick of feeling guilty when they ask me questions. 

 

I just don't know how to work up the courage to give it to them!!! I'm trying so hard but I just feel sick thinking about it and am getting really worked up over it. I can't eat or sleep and don't know what I should be doing. I understand everyone thinks it's the right thing to do, and part of me agrees, but I just really don't know and can't get myself to do it. I have 3 days left before I leave so any suggestions on how to keep myself calm and let them know would be great. 

 

I had planned to leave the letters with them this afternoon and head off for a walk but I am so exhausted from today and really not up for any discussions that may arise, nor do I have the energy for a walk. Tomorrow we are going for a drive out bush for a bit so I don't really want to ruin the day with it and then Friday my dad is back at work and we're going out for dinner which I also don't want to ruin cause I leave Saturday night.. I don't know, I just feel like everything is telling me not to do it at the moment. 

 

I really am trying 😔

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95,

I think that's great that you've even managed to write the letter and are considering giving it to your parents. You should be very proud of yourself - a great start to the year! Smiley Tongue

I'll just say it, but there is never a perfect time for this sort of thing and you could always come up with excuses not to. By the sounds of it, it's not that you don't WANT to tell them it's that you're SCARED to telling them and that's perfectly normal. If you didn't want to, you wouldn't have written the letter or reached out here, so go you!! 😃
I understand you must be so exhausted! I think you mentioned you had a dog earlier so perhaps you could give them the letters and then take the dog outside and just throw a toy so you don't have to walk.
I think out of the 3 days you have described, tonight sounds like a plan, but you need not make yourself upset over it. I know you mentioned you aren't sleeping or eating properly and maybe once you've given it to them, you'll have a sense of relief that will make things better than you thought.

I know you've got it in you and i'm sure this is a good decision for you and your family's long term benefit. The first step is always the hardest. Just take some deep breaths and if you can, just give it to them and get out of there if you need to.
I'm really rooting for you and send you all my strength. <3

You can do it!!

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thankyou SO MUCH @Alison5 ❤

 

You really do always know what to say. I like your idea about taking my dog outside and if I don't have the energy to take her for a walk then I might just do that. I don't know, I'm usually one to bolt from awkward scary situations which is why I wanted to completely leave the house. But thankyou for the idea, it is great and like I said, if I can't leave the house then that's what I'll do! 

 

I honestly don't think I have it in me today. Earlier I thought I could do it but I'm a bit too in my own head now and I'm struggling to come back from it. Your support and encouragement has helped though so I'll see how I'm feeling after dinner but once I get these thoughts in my head I really struggle to control them. It's also hard because my grandad is here too so I can never seem to get my parents alone. And they decided to buy another Christmas ham to cook tonight so we're all kind of relaxing out the back together so I'm not sure I'd be able to bring it up. 

 

Do you think Saturday would be too late because I leave that night? I don't know. If we get back at a decent time from our drive tomorrow I might try tell them then. I just get the feeling I'm going to have to escape the house for a bit that's all so don't want to be doing it in the dark. 

 

Thanks again for your response, and I really am sorry to bother you on NYs!!