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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95 Smiley Happy I haven't spoken to you before, it's nice to meet you! You sound like you've been doing an amazing job seeking help so far, well done Smiley Happy

 

I just want to chime in and reassure you that who you share your mental health challenges with is absolutely your decision. If you don't want to do this you don't have to.

 

I think it's generally best to open up to people because you want to share with them and receive their support, and believe that will probably help you, and that you'd be able to and find it worthwhile to push through awkwardness and discomfort to do so.

 

If you think that's the case for you, great! But sometimes sharing it for other reasons (such as because someone else thinks you should and you want to please them or not disappoint them) might make their support less useful (if it's not really something you wanted or coming from a place of trust it might make you feel uncomfortable around them and find it hard to accept their help).

 

There's also not a time limit on this decision. If you're not sure or not ready yet you can wait.

 

I'm not trying to talk you out of this at all, I just really don't want you to feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do. We support you making decisions about what's good for you and how you choose to get the support you want and need! Heart

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95,

It's definitely not a problem if you can't do it tonight. As @hellofriend mentioned, there's no time limit. I guess you could call or text them if they have questions after you leave which could be something you prefer?

or now, try and focus on clearing your headspace and just relaxing. Try some mindfulness or distractions to help get through tonight and to hopefully get some good sleep.

I hope you had a happy New Year and whatever you choose to do, is neither right or wrong. You've got to be comfortable - you've got it!

<3
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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95 

 

I feel for you. It can be scary opening up!

 

In terms of telling them - what do you think would be the easiest for you? Do you think it might be easiest to leave them the note (say, on their bed) just before you leave on Saturday so that they read it after you leave? Or do you think this might increase your anxiety because you'll worry about their reaction all the way home?

 

I agree with @hellofriend - only open up to them if you want to. Putting all opinions aside for the moment, do you want to tell your parents? What are the pros and cons of telling them? Perhaps you can write up a little pros/cons list to aid your decision Smiley Happy

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks heaps for the support @hellofriend, @Alison5 and @Maddy-RO. I know it's not the end of the world and really isn't such a big deal but my stupid anxiety is through the roof and just turning my thoughts really negative towards the whole idea. I didn't want to bother anyone with it but I'm not coping too great without my psych atm so decided I needed to turn to you guys. So thanks ❤

 

It's nice to meet you @hellofriend and thankyou for jumping in! Thanks for highlighting that this is my decision - I do understand that but my psych has been trying to get me to open up to my parents for the past year so I just really don't want to let her down. She has been working so hard with me and I'm so scared of disappointing her if I go back and tell her for the second time that I failed. She is AMAZING, so it's nothing against her - I just want to make her proud that's all. But I didn't realise how much stress it'd cause me in the meantime. Like I knew it would be hard, but not this hard. 

 

The only reason I'm pressed for time is because I'm heading interstate again for uni and won't see my parents again till mid-year. My psych is wanting to start working through my past 'traumas' with me and I really want to too but she won't go there until I have supports other than her in place (hence her wanting me to open up to my parents). So I feel like if I don't tell them then the next 6 months is just gonna be me still stressing about things and not being able to work with her on them because she knows it'll make me worse. 

 

I think deep down I know it's the right thing to do and that it will eventually help me because I really am blessed with supportive parents, I'm just so scared of being treated differently and worried it won't work out as I'm hoping.. 

 

I couldn't get myself to do it tonight @Alison5 so I'm hoping tomorrow might be better. I'm taking my dog for a walk in the morning with mum and then we're going for a drive out to the national parks with dad so I'm hoping that by the afternoon I would have worked up the courage but we'll see how I go. They are wanting to spend a lot of time with me at the moment so it's like they know somethings up and are just waiting on me. 

 

As for now I'm just watching some random shows and then going to listen to a meditation in the hope I can wind down and get a good sleep 🤞 

 

I hope you had a great day today too and that 2020 is a safe, healthy, fun, happy and successful one for you! And honestly, thankyou so much for your ongoing support these last couple months. I know I over stress about minor things, but I really appreciate you always jumping in with a different perspective and helping me out ❤

 

Thanks for jumping in @Maddy-RO, I appreciate the support! I did think about just leaving them the letters on Sat night before leaving but a) I would go anxiety crazy stressing about them and how they're feeling and b) my mum is flying with me - we're going on a 'girls trip' with my sister for a week before I head back for uni. So it makes that idea hard, but thanks for throwing it out there 😊

 

I honestly don't know. Like my knee-jerk reaction is no but then deeeeeeep down part of me knows and understands that it will be beneficial for me in the end as my psych and RO members keep telling me. So there is a part of me that wants to just get it out there. I am so done with feeling guilty about them not knowing too so feel like it'll at least help with that. I'm also hoping it will encourage my parents themselves to go and seek help, and possibly my brother and sister. Long story short, but we all need it at the moment so I also kind of hope that if I tell them it will benefit them in the way that they might be less scared to reach out? I don't know. 

 

I did write a pros and cons list but it was really hard. Unfortunately the cons outweigh the pros at the moment but I'm not sure if it's just because I have so many fears around the whole thing! I kinda just wish they knew and we could move on and everything just be normal 🙃 Like I guess I want them to know but don't really want them to do anything about it? But then if they don't show they care it also makes me even worse so I don't know. My psych looked at me when I said that as if I was a crazy person lol I know it doesn't make much sense but I really can't help it. 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

You have definitely given it a lot of thought and I’m just like “WOW!” Because you have already come so far and you’ve tried to work this out. 
despite what happens, your psych will be proud of you for getting this far just as we all are here. 

The tv and meditation sounds good. Hopefully you sleep a little better tonight. 

Let us know how you go or if you’re unsure and whatever happens, know you have done so well already!! 👍🏼😊

 

Goodnight! 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

I really love what @Alison5 has mentioned.. @MB95, you have thought of many ways to go about this until you find what feels right for you. I also agree that your psych would know how difficult this has been for you and how far you have come already Smiley Happy You mention running out of time to tell your parents.. it must be placing a lot of pressure on you which can increase feelings of anxiety and distress. Would you feel comfortable phoning them or sending them a letter/email/text when you are back home? This may feel inappropriate to you given what you plan on telling them.. although some people rely on these options to lessen their anxiety. The reason I suggested this is so that if you feel unable to tell them during your visit, you have a back up plan which may ease the pressure you feel.

Is there anything you think you need while you are still making this decision? You mentioned that it has been raising a lot of anxiety, nervousness, guilt and stress.. it must be challenging to face these feelings everyday. This has been something you have been considering for a while now.. so I imagine it must be difficult to continuously have this situation playing on your mind. Being out at the National Parks and going for a walk sounds like it could be a good opportunity to tell your parents. Some people find it easier to have conversations when they are doing something (e.g sitting in a car, walking, watching a movie) as there can be less focus on eye contact and is less formal. This may apply to you but either way, please keep us updated. We support you in whatever you choose Heart

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks @Taylor-RO, I really am trying so hard and I do hope my psych understands. Like I'm sure she will because she is amazing, but I failed the last time so I just really don't want to let her down again. I HATE letting people down!!! 

 

Running out of time is definately making things worse stress wise. Like today I was so anxious about telling them that I just couldn't do it. The entire 2hr drive home I thought about it non-stop and at one stage had myself geared up and ready to do it but as we got closer and closer to home I managed to completely talk myself out of it. Then it just wasn't the right timing anyway cause my grandad got home and we started organising dinner so I decided to leave it. But now I feel terrible for not doing it because I only have 2 days left. I didn't realise dad is working from home tomorrow and I have to take my grandad to hospital so am hoping to give them the letters in the morning and then bolt outta here for the day 😂 

 

But yes, I've thought about doing it from interstate but I just know it'll cause them more stress because my mum is already really worried about me as it is. So I think it'd make me feel worse. My psych has offered to call them in the past and inform them herself but just with how they are at the moment, I think they need to hear it from me and for me to be close by to prove I'm 'okay'. But it is an option and your message actually reminded me of my psychs offer so thank you. If I can't grow a pair, I think I might take her up on the offer when I'm back..

 

Honestly, I think I just need some alone time. I shut myself in my room tonight when we got back and was just watching some tv to try get my mind off the whole thing. And just being able to chat to you guys helps. I don't really have anyone other than my psych so am struggling a lot not being able to talk things out with her so I just REALLY appreciate everyones input on here!! ❤

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hi @MB95 

 

I am just catching up on posts! You are an absolute legend, they way you working through what is happening for you and open up to the whole community. You have thanked everyone for their support, but I want to thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable!  Understandably this decision is really tough and you are unpacking what it will mean for you, which is so important for your well being.  In terms of your psych, they sound really supportive, you deciding to take more time to tell your parents doesn't mean you are letting them down, by the sounds of it you have come so far, and what you feel comfortable with is the most important thing. 

 

Its good to hear that you were able to have some alone time, as it sounds like this has been weighing heavy on your mind and has been exhausting for you. Whether you decided to give the letter today or not, you are doing a fantastic job, and many people here will find strength in your story Heart

 

 

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Thanks heaps @Claire-RO ❤ I really do value everyones support on here because I'd have completely lost my mind by now otherwise!! 

 

So I have news.. I gave my parents the letter from my psych and the one I wrote to go with it this afternoon. I just woke up this morning really wanting to do my psych proud and had had enough of the guilt and stress about feeling like I was betraying my parents by seeing a psych without them knowing. Annnnd, I was sick of running to you guys every two seconds about such a stupid little thing. I wanted to be able to tell you all that I did it. So I did.

 

But now I just feel worse. I wasn't home when they read the letters and in mine I asked them to not treat me any differently. So when I got home everything was normal which was good. We went out for dinner and for some reason my grandad drove his own car instead of coming with me so I assumed my parents wanted to talk to me. But nope. They didn't bring it up once so we just sat in silence listening to music for 30min, same on the way home. I don't know. I should be happy they acted normal but I guess I was just assuming them to say something about it?! Like nothing. So I just feel like shit. 

 

Mum just came into my room though and sat talking random shit for a bit before asking how long I've been seeing my psych. She asked a few questions and I tried to answer them but found I was shutting out and not wanting to tell her anything. I could tell she was getting frustrated with me and then she just said she doesn't know what to do or what I want from her and kinda left. So now I just feel even worse. I know she is going to blame herself and I think she's annoyed that I spoke to a psych and not her about things. 

 

I knew it wasn't the right time and that I shouldn't have told them and now I don't know what to do. I just don't want this to come between us and make communicating even harder.

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Re: Lonely and just wanting someone to care..

Hey @MB95

First of all, even if things didn't turn out the way you anticipated, you should be extremely proud of yourself for doing something very brave and overcoming what must have been very difficult. 

I can really sympathise with how you're feeling right now. I can imagine that it would have felt very disappointing to put so much energy into hyping yourself up to tell your parents, only for the situation not to go as you planned it to. It can feel like a cruel trick that the world has played on us, to spend so much time worrying about something, only to get no relief once we actually follow through on our plan. 

However, I do want to encourage you to try and think of the positives of the situation. While I know this is easier said than done, you have accomplished something really important, even if it doesn't fully feel like that. In the same way that it would have taken you time to process, understand, and adjust to your diagnosis at the start, it might also take some time for your parents to wrap their heads around it. Unfortunately, mental health still carries a lot of incorrect assumptions and so your parents might be focused on the wrong thing (e.g. "What could I have done to prevent this", "why didn't they tell me first", "is it my fault?"). We know that these things aren't true, but it may take them some time to also realise that. 

I would also hold off on assuming how your parents feel without them telling you. While you are their child, and you would of course know them very well, in times of high stress we can sometimes wrongly assume how people feel, and then catastrophise about the situation further. No one can really read minds, so it's best to not beat yourself up about how might be feeling about a certain situation. 

Regardless of how uncomfortable things are right now in the immediate aftermath of telling your parents about your mental health, it will give them more context for what's happening with you, and give them a better understanding of how you're feeling. That alone will almost always improve communication Heart