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Lonely, lost and self harm

I feel really lonely. I'm paranoid, people will eventually see the real me, they would reject me, abandon me. I'm afraid of ending up lonely. I know it sounds illogical, but I can't handle anyone leaving me or rejecting me. I need people to promise me they would be there for me, and to tell me they care. But it's never enough to satisfy me. I don't know if I'm being unrealistic, I mean you can't always ask people to reassure you, but I need it all the time, I need it when I'm depressed.

I keep relapsing into self-harm, it seems to be more frequent too, i feel so desperate, I need release this somehow. I've been told you should do something you enjoy, you should get out, participate in activities. But it's hard if I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to go to classes. I have a list of things I can do, but the problem is I have no motivation whatsoever, it's like I'm under additional pressure because of it, it precipitates anxiety. I need to take it slowly.

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

Hey @Creativegirl12,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling depressed and lonely. And that you're feeling like self-harming more. I think we've spoken before about how you manage the impulse to self harm. There's a list of strategies including distracting yourself on this list:

Self help for self harm
Can you give a couple of examples of strategies that have helped you stop or avoid self harming before? They might be worth revisiting.

When you feel depressed it can make it hard to feel like your friends like you, or that you have anything to offer as a friend yourself. You've acknowledged that it's unrealistic to expect people to reassure you all the time. Could you perhaps think about some of the friends (or family) you have around you, and think of some nice things you can do or say to them, so you don't feel like you're just 'taking' from them - you know that you're giving too?




Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

In the moment of trying to postpone self harm until the urge passes, your techniques need to a readily available and easy to do. It's a bit too much to think that you should get out and do activities, but something you can do is make a "green box" - read about it:

Online Community Manager

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

I just gave up on trying to resist urges, it builds anxiety. But I can try again, but I don't know if I can do it.

My family is far away, I can't bring up self-harm or something. And friends (acquaintances), like you can ever count of them, they leave all the time, and maybe they pretend to care. Maybe they just want to be around happy people, I'm not always happy. Well at least from what my mum says, actual friends are near to impossible to come by. The reality is, I need to strive on my own.

I've been wondering, does my existence even make a difference. No that I'm going to be a threat to myself. But it kind of makes you think, are you a burden, or worth it.

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

Hey @Creativegirl12 Do you ever use the Kids Helpline or Lifeline web counselling chats? I remember someone here mentioning they logged on when they felt life self-harming - sort of a double whammy, distraction plus counselling!


You're a strong person. You reach out and ask for help when you need it, you are able to identify when you feel at risk. You have all the right stuff to get through this! It's a process, sometimes is a slow process, but you have lots of great suggestions in your threads here that can be put into action.

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

Hey @Creativegirl12 : wondering "does my existence even make a difference" is a sign that things are pretty tough right now. As I think you realise, people who think about that kind of stuff also contemplate suicide so I appreciate that you also mentioned that you are "not a threat" to yourself. Can I confirm that you mean you are not thinking of ending your life? If suicide is on your mind then Suicide Call Back must be your next step - call or webchat with them.


It's really important to us here at ReachOut that connecting on the forums is having some kind of positive impact on you, no matter how small. For that reason I'm going to ask you again (like I did back in June) to include one of the following in any post you make exploring the tough times - it can really help with challenging negative thoughts.. 


1 positive of today (can be small), or

1 thing you tried/are going to try to help yourself, or

1 thing you are looking forward to, or

1 thing you are grateful for... (you get the idea)


We'll be checking in on your posts to make sure that it's happening. I'd also like to hear what you think about the idea of the 'green box'.


We care about you and it's important to us that you stay safe



Online Community Manager


Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

Hey @Creativegirl12 I'm very sorry to  hear of all the  negative emotions and events that you are dealing with. It is so unfortunate that you have to deal with crappy things and feel as though they are never ending. How are you doing now? Have you tried incorporating a positive mindset and reminding yourself of all the good things in your life. It may seem hard at this stage and you feel as though you can't deal with it but you have to stay strong and fight the negativity. Take yourself to a place in your life when you have been really happy and strive to get to that place. It is possible because you have been therre before and can get there again! We are here for you at RO, please chat to us whenever you want


Stay strong hope to hear from you 

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

Hey @Creativegirl12 


How has your day been? How did you go with thinking about a poitive?

I know it can be tricky, especially when you're feeling really low but it can have such an impact on our thinking. It's amazing how finding the positive in something not only effects the person finding the positive but for thise reading it too. I find when I read through 'Turning a negative into a positive' I start to feel more positive too.


What do you think?

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

It's really hard to be persistent in combating negative thoughts, I just get really tired, and I end up feeling unmotivated. I'm having suicidal thoughts, but I have no intention on acting on them.

I've tried drawing, to distract myself. But I'm still finding it hard. I've called kids helpline, it does help. It's not that treatment doesn't help at all. I've been receiving treatment forever, why am I still here?

Re: Lonely, lost and self harm

@Creativegirl12 sometimes it's not a sprint but a marathon. You might feel like your recovery has hit a plateau right now, but stick with it! Remember how far you've come! Well done on posting in the turning negatives into psitives thread too Smiley Happy