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Loss of identity?

hi, I don't really know how to start this, it's all new to me, but like the subject says, im having a hard time remembering who I am as a person. I guess you could say I've felt like this for the past two years or so but its come out a lot in the last three weeks. it started with something stupid. one of my friends got with the boy I liked, but I felt betrayed and ive always had to deal with these things but I took it to heart quiet bad I guess. I blacked out and next morning I had some small injuries on my hand. from there I had another friend use the insult 'you're like the last piece of bread, everyone touches you, but no one wants you' to them it may have been a joke but to me. I took it once again to heart. my head now is always alive and it won't stop, I can't get a decent sleep with out feeling tired and people commenting on it. I already have anxiety issues and this situation doesn't help.


I feel like since a couple years a go I don't really know who I am as a person, I get mad easily, I have violent outburst and I speak and act without thinking first which ends up hurting the people who try and be there for me the most. I feel like a horrible, annoying and worthless person compare to the happy, upbeat and positive person I used to be described as. I feel isolated and alone and I just want this feeling to go away. I don't understand why this has to happen to me and my head hurts everyday because of it. I may be being over dramatic but I just don't know what's wrong with me..


Re: Loss of identity?

Hi @loser494 , 


Thanks so much for sharing what you're going through here, that can be a really tough thing to do. I just wanted to let you know that I made a minor edit to your post, just to keep it in line with our Community guidelines. 


I think a lot of our community here could really relate to feeling like they're having a hard time remembering who they are as a person ,it's a really awful space to be sitting in, and my heart went out for you hearing that you're feeling like that at the moment. What your friend said sounds like it was really hurtful, even if it was meant as a joke. 


It sounds like you don't want to be someone who has violent outbursts and hurts other people, and that shows a lot of courage. It's hard when we are acting in ways that we don't like. 


I'm wondering if you've ever chatted to someone like a psychologist or counsellor about the way that you're feeling? It can be so exhausting trying to work everything out in our own heads, especially when as you say, your "head is always alive and it won't stop" -  I know a lot of this community will really be able to relate to that. Places like Headspace can be a great place to start - and we have a tool called "NextStep" that you can see on this screen, that can help you go find some other options to find the help that might be a good fit for what you are going through Smiley Happy 


Some people find things like listening to music, or getting out into nature, or watching YouTube videos to be a good way to distract themselves while these feelings pass too - do enjoy any of those things? 


Thanks for being so brave in posting here, and I hope the community can help you get through this - you're not alone. 


Check out our community activities calendar for November 2020 here