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Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Thank you for your response, I have tried Lifeline, both the chat and the phone service. They weren't extremely helpful unfortunately, though I guess the level of helpfulness is decided by the person you are talking with and I just need to try again.

 

I know, it's extremely contradictory, I want an answer, but I'm too much of a coward to seek it out, I guess this shows just how spineless I am. Right now I rely on snippets of information provided by our mutual friends to get by, but doing this has taken a massive toll on my conscience. I'm just at a loss with myself, one of the greatest friendships I've ever had ended suddenly and brutally. Right now I just try and sink myself into my hobbies and exercise (in the weeks after this incident my weight rose dramatically, though it's now back under control). My friends have tried helping me meet new people but I just can't get rid of the feeling that I will end up making them feel uncomfortable and that I'm just a massive burden on everyone.

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Hi @Supreme-Leader-Sun I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way. You are definitely not a coward or a burden, it actually takes a lot of courage to reach out Heart I agree with what you said in that it would be worth trying Lifeline again or even eHeadspace or KHS, they both have phone and chat services available which you may find helpful when you're struggling. Hobbies and exercise sound like a great way to keep your mind off things. I wanted to check in to see how you're going today? 

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Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Thank your for your response. Today felt pretty good, yesterday I received a letter saying I had been accepted into a rather competitive postgraduate programme at university, which made me feel super happy. Honestly, now that it has been a little under four months since it happened, I have healed quite a bit, but my sadness tends to be like the tide, it goes in and out for days at a time. Though today I did feel slightly empty because I was looking at my acceptance letter when I remembered the celebration plans my friend and I had made a year ago that will never come to fruition now. I have tried kids helpline and eheadspace too, they were helpful, it's just no matter how much help I seek, I just can't seem to move on, the only thing I want is to be able to talk to her, but that might never happen.

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Hey @Supreme-Leader-Sun, I'm so sorry to hear about how this friendship ended - it sounds like it was a sad and confusing time for you. It also sounds like the way this friendship ended has created a lot of doubts in your mind about your current friendships and how you come across to others, which sounds really exhausting mentally and emotionally.

I'm glad to hear that you're starting to feel better! I can see that it's hard for you to find support considering you don't have citizenship yet, and I think @Lan-RO has already provided some great advice! I just wanted to add that it sounds a lot like you're grieving a loss, in which case it's also important to give yourself time to recover. It sounds like you're already doing a lot to make sure this friendship ending doesn't get you down in life, and that you're looking for the support you can find, which is great! 

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Thank you for your response. Yes it may be just passing grief, it is hard coming to terms with the reality that she no longer wants to be my friend and she apparently disliked every moment we spent together (though we had so many close moments and we ended up keeping a lot of each others’ secrets so I find that super perplexing). I guess it’s also the finality of the things she said and how hurtful those statements were that’s doing me in too, though I hope with time that will fade. I just don’t know what to do, nobody has ever called me creepy before, so logically, I shouldn’t take these statements to heart, but she was extremely close and a major part of my circle, so I just don’t know if I really am creepy or I’m overexaggerating the importance of her words.

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Hi @Supreme-Leader-Sun,

I also share that hope for you that in time the pain of this loss will pass Heart But for now, it's completely understandable to feel that doubt, confusion and sadness - in fact, it's the most common thing for people to feel after losing an important friendship. We really value you in this community and are here to support you through this Heart

 

I can hear that her words have really affected you, and I'm sorry to hear that this has made you doubt yourself. Is there anything you can do today to nurture your wellbeing and get through the day?



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Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Thank you for your response. Well, this may out me as a freak of nature, but I really enjoy spending time up on campus. I am a member of the executive of my university's History students society, and so I often spend a lot of time with the History faculty schmoozing  and promoting events. My friend and I are both History students so I sometimes like to reminisce about all the long conversations (we could easily talk for an hour before realising we needed to head back to college for dinner) we had in the building where the History faculty is located, it helps me remember that there was most definitely a time when she was comfortable being around me, and that the things she said are not true. Also, I'm rather well known around the faculty for having a lot of quirks and eccentric tendencies, and I enjoy entertaining the people I have to deal with (if anything, it's allowed me to seal a lot of deals and sell a lot of memberships too).

 

Also, I try to meet with my other friends, though this has been difficult in recent times, mainly because they're all busy getting ready for graduation and so on and I have to admit I've become very bad at keeping in touch with my friends mostly out of fear that they all think I'm a creep too. I know it's stupid to think that since nobody has ever brought it up with me, but I worry a lot. Thankfully, I've been able to ask most of them, and they have all been able to reassure me that they've never thought anything of the sort.

 

Honestly, these things are all fine, and they help fight off the grief I'm feeling. But I just can't seem to see an end in sight, every time my grief seems to fade, it comes back and I just desperately wish we could talk again. But there's only three months left until graduation and she told me last year that she would not be coming back to uni in 2019 (she said her return might even be as late as 2023) since her family has been going through severe financial hardship. So I fear that I might never have closure or a chance to repair the friendship. Also, my family has been yelling at me for grieving too long, it has been about four months since it happened, and they tell me I'm just being too soft.

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

You are definitely not a freak of nature, if fact I am in awe of the incredible connections you have at uni and with the different societies you are connected with- this is a really great way of meeting people and doing fun things to maintain your wellbeing. It sounds like something you really enjoy (and are good at which is a big plus) Smiley Happy

 

Good on you for your bravery in approaching the subject with your friends and getting their feedback. Does it help to hear other people reassure you?

 

Grief is a very difficult experience- it's non-linear and can feel really random. It's really common for people grieving to feel exactly what you have described- being okay for a bit and then being hit with a 'wave' of it again. One thing I can say from experience (and I am going to use the wave analogy) is that with time, the waves become smaller (less painful), less frequent and it becomes easier to ride the wave. The grieving will pass and become less intense in time. I hope that the important people in your life will become more understanding of what you are going through Heart 



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Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Hello all, sorry for not updating in a while, I’ve been swamped in assignments and rehearsing for a lecture I’ll be delivering in little while. Well I have met up with one of our closest mutual friends, just to touch base and maybe gather some more information on what’s going on, unfortunately this mutual friend has told me that my former friend has not contacted her for months now and does not respond to any messages she sends, this trickle of information is really driving me mad.

 

Yes, I’ve approached the subject with my friends and they have all said that I have never made them feel uncomfortable or given off creepy vibes. This does help, but still, my former friend was such an important part of my life, and so her statements weigh like a rock on my conscience.

 

Yes, a few days ago I was hit by a strong wave of grief, I’ve recently had thoughts about would my friends in Australia have been better off if I never moved here and just stayed in my home country, or do I really have any positive worth. I just can’t seem to get my former friend’s statements that she always felt uncomfortable around me and that she didn’t enjoy any of the time we spent together out of my head. I guess it’s also the lack of explanation that’s eating away at my conscience too. I mean if a close friend could throw me out with no afterthought at all, then what worth do I really have?

Re: Lost an Important Friendship Months Ago, Still Unable to Cope.

Hey @Supreme-Leader-Sun, it's good that you got to talk with your friends a bit about your former friend! It sounds like it's so frustrating not just being unable to talk to her in person, but also not being able to find out anything from your mutual friends. It seems like she might have cut off communication not just with you, but also with some other mutual friends - does it seem like your mutual friends are able to contact her easily?

It's good that your friends have reassured you about your existing friendships! From what you've said about what they said, it seems like they're really glad to have met you!