Hey everyone, I'm new to posting here and truthfully am a little scared... But I'm hoping maybe someone can help me?
Most recently things have been 'piling up' and I feel as though everything is too much -School, home and work.... Even simple things like getting out of bed or getting dressed feel like too much effort at the moment.
I feel stressed, anixious, down and suicidal alot of the time and most recently have returned to self harm after several weeks 'free' as a way of coping...
I feel like I'm losing control.. Spiralling out of control... But I'm not sure what to do.
I have in the passed been diagnosed with OCD, depression & anxiety, only recently to be told everything is Anxiety related by my Social worker -who I see as a result of hospitalisation twice for my own safety in February/March due to suicidal thoughts.
So right now I'm just a bit confused. I feel like an idiot. I feel stupid. I don't feel I have a 'right' to be feeling the way I am... And all this is made harder by labels, judgment and lack of support from even my own family.
A common concern amongst those around me at the moment is my obsession with my body/weight, my goal to lose weight and the 'behaviours' I'm engaging in as a result... While I know that many of the things I am doing are not 'right or healthy, I'm not sure how to stop... I feel as though I need to do these things, that I can't stop.... And the truth is I'm actually scared.
But I'm not sure who to turn to for help, not sure that anyone will take me seriously. not sure if everyone (and myself) are over reacting....
I keep telling myself that there is nothing wrong... Convincing myself.
Welcome to Reach Out!! It's awesome that you've found the courage to come here and ask for some support. It sounds like things are pretty rough for you at the moment. It can be really hard to get on with things when you feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Is there anything you do that helps you feel better that is good for you? Listening to music or going for a walk? Something gentle and peaceful that might help you feel a bit of relief.
How do you go with your social worker? Do you find you get relief from talking to her/him? Having someone you can talk to, who can help you work your life into manageable parts and offer you some guidance around the body issue stuff can be a huge help. Do you feel you have that?
If you feel like you're at risk of harm or suicide tonight, please call any of these services. They really do help.
Thanks. Things seem to be gradually getting worse... To the point home is so stressful I no longer want to live there, I'm getting more and more behind with school work and catching up sounds too difficult and work is just a source of anxiety. At the moment I can't find anything that helps or distracts me when I feel so overwhelmed and stressed... Last night for the first time I gave meditation a go which actually helped me calm down and get to sleep but other than that, nothing ever works/helps.
I feel I can talk to my social worker about most things, but find it difficult to bring up things with him that are bothering me... And I'm not sure if he'll take me seriously. So I guess I don't really get any relief from talking to him... If anything, more frustrated with myself.
I just want to disappear, for everything to go away because right now it all feels too hard and I'm not so sure what to do..
It's definitely not fun for you that you feel like things are getting worse but what does sound good is that you found a source of positive release: the meditation.
If you have trouble concentrating but can't find a quiet space, I know one thing that helps me is "white noise" or "pink noise". It's just static but it can help to remove some of the external distractions and keeps you focused. It's the same technique as when some people say they need to have a fan running in the room to help them sleep.
We talk a lot here about self-talk and there's a good reason for that. Essentially you can have positive and negative self-talk; the negative stuff, like "I'm not sure if he'll take me seriously" and "I feel like an idiot. I feel stupid. I don't feel I have a 'right' to be feeling the way I am" needs to be countered with positive talk. It's not easy to do but the benefits are worth it. It helped me tremendously when I went through a really rough period when I was 19 and felt like the walls were closing in. I highly recommend you give that a go, too.