When i was a child my nanna use to tell me that she had lost her marbles, as a cheeky 6 year old i made up in my mind that this was a funny expression of forgetfulness when you are old. Still thinking about it makes me giggle because of the pure and beautiful innocence and joyfulness i exprenced throughout my childhood.
Now i say the expression "losing my marbles" with parts of sarcasm and desperation, 24 years old and i feel like i'm losing it, my mind is spinning like i am on a never ending merrigo round and everything around me is moving so fast that it is all a blurr.I need help, i need support and with all that i am doing to make this go away like an erase to pencil, it wont until i let people help me, until i put myself before others and actually let myself off the hook.
Starting to pull the piece together but not exactly sure how to make it all fit, like building an ikea kit cupboard without instructions, its almost imposible. The medication stares at me in the morning and i know i have to take it, i just don't want to lose a little bit of my self with each pill i stick down my throat.
I will fight with everything i have to slow the merrigo round down and to finally see things clear again, how they use to be.
Wow, I really empathise with your post - I've been in a similar place at a few points over the last few years - but it definitely is possible to get out the other side. It sounds like you're really determined to get things back on track and put the pieces back together, which is great! It can sometimes be really difficult to harness that kind of determination when we're going through hard times, so it's wonderful that you're able to remember that there are reasons why you want to sort things out.
At the same time, though, you sound a bit unsure about how to go about taking the steps to improve things. Do you have much support around you at the moment? You mentioned medication, so I'm assuming that you have a doctor… have you spoken to them about these feelings of confusion? Personally, I've found that it's much easier to organise things in my head and make sense of where I am, and where I need to go, once I've verbalised it and spoken to someone about it. Having someone else's ideas and perspectives always helps me clarify my own.
You did mention that you need help and support, so I'm curious about what kind of support you've got at the moment. There's loads of people out there to talk to who can help you - places like Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800) and eHeadspace (1800 650 890) are great places to talk through with someone about whatever is going on for you. They also both have online and email counselling, if you'd prefer that.
I really think it would be a good idea to talk to someone about all this stuff - both those services are staffed by mental health professionals, and they're great at helping to identify what is happening that is a problem, and what steps you can take to get things back on track. Also, I don't think you're losing it - we all go through hard times, and I think it can be easy to get caught up in that spiral and start to forget who we really are. But that doesn't mean you're losing it, it just means you need a bit of help to get back on your feet. And that is completely fine - everyone does at times.
I could relate to your expression 'Losing my marbles' just last week. For me it my inability to manage the courses that all demanded my constant attention. I was confused with what I had to do in order to stay on top of the workload. I didn't see the point in going to class when it just means more content to follow upon later. To help find my marbles again, I had to withdraw from a subject. This helped bring down my stress levels and I could think a bit more clearer.
So coming back to you Tarzy, are you taking on too much at the moment that is making your head spin? You've mentioned "[need to] let myself off the hook", what is stopping you from doing just that?
Have a look at some of these coping strategies to help better manage the moment. There's 'Set aside a regular time for yourself' This could be as simple as distracting yourself (for 10 min) from all the merry-go-around in your head and think back to the colourful moments of your childhood.