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939

Lost

I've always been a quiet person. Always have been shy. I've struggled with anxiety for most of my life. I take things to heart very easily, and overthink a lot. Last year I felt very down and felt like that for a few months. I stayed in the house..isolated myself. I did get better. I started at a job and I did like it. I've also always have found if hard making friends. And I used online dating to meet someone. I did meet a girl, and we dated for almost two months. She ended the relationship saying that she was never attracted to me and she was more into girls than guys. I asked if she enjoyed sex with me..and she said "I usually enjoy sex more with girls". I did believe her. But later that day she messaged me saying how much she missed hearing from me and how she broke down at work. We got back together. But then a week later me my friend and her and her friend went clubbing. The whole night I couldn't find her in the club. I found out she got a guys number when she was supposed to be with me. But earlier that night when I was at hers and she was getting ready..I saw a text message that was to some guy. It commented on how I was terrible at sex..and also commented on my size. Basically said "I didn't even know if he was in or not his that small". She was my first girlfriend. And when I read that text I sunk back into my depression..thinking that I will never find someone because of my size down there. I'm 19 and I turn 20 in a few weeks. This all happened at the start of July. And since then I've isolated myself. I didn't eat much and lost weight as well. I stay home all the time..and all my self confidence is gone.

Re: Lost

Hey 939,

It doesn't sound like you're having much of a fun time, which Im sorry to hear. It also doesn't sound like this girl treated you right at all. It can really hurt when you find out someone isn't the person you thought they were.

Have you thought about seeing someone to talk to about your anxiety? It could help quite a lot

Hope you're feeling better

939

Re: Lost

Hi Chonty,
I did see a psychologist a few weeks ago. I only had 3 sessions but I didn't find it was helping me at all. I've tried medication..and all it did was make me sleep a lot. And I still feel really miserable and I only just woke up now. Well my mum woke me up. I didn't even want to get out of bed

Re: Lost

Hey 969,

It may be a good idea to try a different psych. Sometimes the first doctor just isn't the one for you, which is unfortunate. I'm not sure about medication as I don't know much about it, but I do know it took my brother a couple of goes with different types before he found the one that worked for him best. He had a similar issue with being tired all the time.

Its good you got out of bed though! Even though it seems like it really sucks, hopefully you'll feel better if you force yourself to get up and keep going. I know it works for me 

Is there anything you enjoy doing that would help take your mind of things for a while?

Re: Lost

Wow, 939, nobody deserves to be treated the way you have by your Ex! That is really really crappy behaviour on her part and I'm so sorry you were ever treated that way!

 

It does sound like the stress of that situation has maybe brought on some underlying mental health issues though - and I'd like to encourage you to keep at it with seeking some formal help. Sometimes we need to try 2,3 4 etc psychologists before we find someone we click with. And it is really important that you find someone you 'click' with - it's common for people to have a chat with a new therapist before a consultation to see whether you 'click' over the phone. What about trying Headspace? You could try y a webchat with eHeadspace? https://www.eheadspace.org.au/

 

And it's the same thing with medication - there are many medications and they are all different and unfortunately sometimes you need to try a few different ones before you find one that works properly for you.

 

I've worked with many people who have been in your situation where they had to try a few therapists and a few different medications and they tell me they feel skeptical and hopeless - similar to how you do now. But the feeling when you do actually talk to someone that you click with or you get the medication that actually works - well the feeling is amazing. The biggest relief you will ever feel!

I know @tesla-weapon has said this about his own journey recently in another thread - I can't find where TW posted it, can you rememeber TW??

I really hope you'll maybe give Headspace a try, check out our info on all the different professional types you might find helpful...

 

Online Community Manager

ReachOut.com

Re: Lost

Hey 939,

 

I'm so sorry to hear about this horrible experience you've had. Reading it I felt a bit of anger and disgust rising up within me. Asking myself how could someone treat someone so badly!? Unfortunately this is a form of bullying, really, isn't it?

 

@Chonty and @Sophie-RO have given you some great advice in terms of seeking help, and I also encourage you to look a different professional to talk to. I know from experience, it can be hard to talk to some people, something inside you just doesn't seem to click, and that's okay, it just means we go in search of another. 

 

I wanted to point out the same with a relationship, sometimes they just aren't meant to be, and I know it doesn't make it any less painful, but knowing that can help us in finding the right person. Because do you really want to spend your life with someone who doesn't make you feel good about yourself? I think not. And I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I'm saying it anyway, because I think it is a valuable thing to know and learn.

I know myself when I kept chasing one negative person in my life, all it ever did was make me feel worse about myself. But since I kind of said that is their choice, and started ignoring their behaviour and carried on my life I started to feel a bit better. Sure the damage was done, but I think I'm stronger for that. I let him think what he wanted and pretty much accepted the idea that I may never have a good relationship with him. And since then I've learnt to love myself for who I am, no strings attached. Sure I'm still self-conscience, and I fear to let people in incase they hurt me like he did, but I am happier without him in my life. Without my brother.

 

I guess what I am trying to say here, is that it is possible to move on and use this experience to help you. It is a lot of hard work, and takes a long time. But It is doable Smiley Happy
.

I kind of went off onto a totally different tangant than what I originally wanted, but I'm happy with what I've written, and hope it helps you in some way Smiley Happy

 

And as a last note, that girl probably doesn't deserve your love and affection.

Stay Strong  Smiley Happy


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart
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Re: Lost

Hi 939,

 

While it hurts at the moment, you are better off without the girl. You weren't the problem, she just wasn't ready to commit. Teenage girls can be the nastiest people on earth. However, it has raised some underlying isues for you.

I agree with the other posters, that you may need to try a different Psychologist. It is not a one size fits all situation. You really have to connect with your Psych and feel comfortable, before you can really open up and start to heal. As for meds, trial and error. There are many different types and sometimes the first one isn't right for you.

 

I'm glad that you are getting out of bed. Try and do something positive each day. Write down 3 things that are good about yourself every day. You sound like a caring, well spoken young man. Learn to like yourself first. Have you talked to your parents about your feelings? Sometimes, we are good listeners, even if we are not experts .

 

Try going out with a few mates once a week. Make a start. Even if it is to throw a footy around in the park. The sunshine won't hurt either.

Good luck on your journey

 

Stressed

Re: Lost

Hey 939, 

 

I just want to reiterate what everyone else has said, because the advice they have given is great! I really agree that you do not deserve to be treated like that by anyone, especially not someone who used to be your girlfriend. 

 

I also wanted to let you know that you are not alone. You said that you now worry you will never get another gf because of what she said about you. It's important for you to realise that at the age of 19 you still have a lot of chances to get into relationship as you get older. Know that the way we see ourselves is usually very different to how others see us, and that the things you are insecure about are often not even noticed by those around you. Be reassured that as you get older you will keep meeting new people, and that some of the girls you meet will want to date you because you seem like a loving, caring person. It is girls like these that you deserve to be with.

 

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”

939

Re: Lost

Thank you everyone for the advice. I need to get out of the house more. Right now I feel anxious and it's for no reason at all. I think that at first i let myself get really down and anxious because of the things my ex said about me behind my back. Then I got stuck in a rut of staying at home all the time and sleeping a lot. It's been 5 months now..and I feel like I'll never be happy again. I know that might sound a little silly me saying that. But that's honestly how I feel. It's my birthday in a few weeks and I turn 20, and I am still as shy as I was when I was 13. I thought by the time I was this age I would be more outgoing. I would like to be more outgoing..i just don't know how to considering I've always been a quiet person. Maybe it's just my nature to be a quiet person. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just I feel more isloated because of it. I find it a lot easier typing all this out than I would saying it outloud. But i guess everyone finds it much easier typing out thoughts than speaking it. I'm not hung up on me ex at all..i mean even after the things she said about me..i do care about her. But I don't have any feelings. Just the things she said in that text message has really got to me. And I'm not sure what I can do to feel better. Everything I use to enjoy..watching tv and playing video games. I don't do it anymore. I mean I still watch Tv. But I don't really pay attention to what I'm watching. And I have no interest in games anymore..i havent played one in months. All the things I use to enjoy I just don't have any interest in. My parents and my brothers and my sister tell me I should get out for a few hours a day just to start off with. But I don't know where to go or what to do..I don't really have friends anymore to see. And I just sleep a lot and barely eat anymore. I'm sorry if I'm just repeating myself in this post and I hope it makes sense. I'm not really that smart and I guess it shows in my writing..

Re: Lost

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself 939! Which is easier said than done. It really isn't fair what she said about you in the text, but I know from experience that some girls say things like that when they really might not mean it. Unfortunately the first thing some girls say when they break up/get angry with their partner is about size, when it's really not an issue. Just like some men tell their friends things like "she was a total bitch" when usually it's not the fact.

At least, that's what I've seen.

You mentioned you went to a club with a friend and your ex, could you hang out with them again? Sometimes when you're down and out it can feel like you've pushed away all your friends, but if they're true they'll realise you might just need some timeout.

Other than that, maybe just try and go for a walk during the day. It's pretty awesome how much some sunlight and a glance at the clouds can lift your mood Smiley Happy

(also your writing is just fine bro)