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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I want to just lock myself in my apartment and wait for someone to come find me. I can't though, because no-one would care enough to come looking for me.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea What happened that made you start avoiding interaction with your old housemate?

It's possible that more people care about you than you realise - there are lots of people who aren't very good at showing friends/acquaintances that they matter to them and kind of take interactions for granted, but it doesn't mean that they actually care any less when it comes down to it.

What do you have planned for today?
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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Nothing happened, he just didn't like me that much.

Like I've said a few times now, I don't even have acquaintances to talk to. People do not speak to me unless I speak to them, and all I get is empty promises and feigned sympathy. I really do not want to have to choose one of many examples to talk about, so please just take my word for it when I say I am 100% on my own.

I'm halfway through my day at work. I'm already thinking about calling in sick tomorrow, even though my attendance is already extremely patchy. Other than that? Guess I'll just go home and be miserable

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

What was it that made you think that he didn't like you much? Did you like him to start with?

Sorry for all the questions @cole on sea, I'm just trying to understand a bit better.

Obviously it's up to you what you do this arvo but if you suspect that you'll be miserable just going home, what do you think about maybe trying something else like going for a walk,or out to the movies, or a restaurant, or something else that gets you out for a bit?
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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

The fact that he would never talk to me? I tried suggesting all sorts of stuff we could do together and he wasn't at all interested. He had no trouble talking to other people, in fact, he got along with my guests better than me most of the time.

 

Usually when someone says "it's my choice" in relation to what I do at any given moments, I start thinking of ways to off myself. Whenever I try "getting out" all I can think about is how I "might" be enjoying it if I was with a friend.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Ok yeah that's a bummer about the housemate not talking to you @cole on sea and I can see that it was a disappointing experience for you.

Regarding the thoughts you mentioned from the "it's my choice" statement - I can completely understand that. I've been in that state of mind myself. What do you usually do to counteract those thoughts? I find it can be useful to think about what else I could do instead: sure I could think about that, but it's not going to lead anywhere useful and I might as well try to do something worthwhile since I can always come back to the thoughts at a later time.

Although things can be fun with a friend, doing stuff alone can be enjoyable too. IMO it's a matter of weighing up which would feel better - doing something alone, or staying home alone?


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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I don't really do anything. It just goes away eventually. I find it wastes away a lot of my day on an extremely frequent basis, though, and it's only going to keep getting worse. Thinking about things I "could" be doing just perpetuates it, since instead of going to do those things, I'll just add not doing that to the list of things that're getting me down.

 

It's not a matter of things being "fun" with a friend, it's "I need that friend there to feel like it's worth doing that thing."

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea well it's good that it eventually goes away, but I'm sorry to hear that it's frequently affecting you. What is it that stops you from doing the things that you "could be doing" rather than just thinking about them?

 

I may be off the mark here, but it sort of looks like your thoughts are keeping you stuck in a self perpetuating loop that isn't helping your mood at all. Would you like to try challenging the thought that it's not worth doing a thing without a friend? The thing to remember is that thoughts aren't always facts, even though they might seem true on face value. There's a fact sheet on challenging thoughts here which might help you get started - do you want to give that a try?

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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I guess I just don't feel strongly enough about it to go do it.

 

I don't know. I've seen something like this before, and the fact that it depends on me to do it of my own accord is the problem. I don't really appreciate myself enough to manage self-care.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Ok, that makes sense that if you don't have strong feelings about something then it can be easier not to do it. I guess the point I'm trying to get at is that even though sometimes we might feel ambivalent or apprehensive towards an activity to start with, sometimes if we do the thing anyway it can turn out to be really beneficial. Or even if it doesn't turn out spectacularly, we might gain a little more experience with something, or even just learn a little bit more about ourselves from trying it. One of the best pieces of advice I've ever heard is "You don't have to be motivated before you start. Start first, and if it's right for you then the motivation will follow." Can you think of any scenarios where that might be true for you?

Yeah it can be tough trying to do activities like challenging thoughts on your own. If you wanted to, we could try picking a couple to work through on the thread here? Someone like a professional counselor or psychologist would be able to support you better with the thought challenging process, but if you wanted to try it on RO then I'm sure there's a bunch of people who know a bit about the process and would be willing to work through some together - what do you reckon? Is that something that you'd like to try, or is there a something different we could do that would be more useful?
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