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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I really don't know. I feel like I've already given up, and it makes me wonder why I even bother talking to people.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea Sounds like you’re feeling pretty stuck and deflated. People have made some wonderful suggestions around challenging thoughts, finding different ways to connect to the community, looking over your past relationships to see if there is a pattern and so on…. You’ve mentioned a few times that having a friend or intimate relationship is something you want and it’s wonderful that you can identify that as something that is important to you. At the same time, I did read that you wrote that you were looking for a connection with someone that resembles parental affection that you didn’t get as a kid- this can be a tricky way to start a friendship/relationship as it sounds like you might be hoping to fill a void and it makes it hard for the other person to fulfil that need (and it continues that continuous cycle of people always disappointing us). I know a few people have mentioned the idea of counselling and I’m going to encourage that as well. It’s important to be extremely honest about how counselling has gone in the past, how things were for you as a child and what you want to achieve exactly. It sounds like doing some counselling (as painful as it might be) is going to be a good way for you to make some steps forward to develop healthy relationships and to get support through that process of getting to know someone. I’m sensing part of you wants change but you’re also feeling really stuck- I feel for you. What do you thinks getting in the way of you taking those next steps forward to live the life you want to live?

 

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I don't have anything I want for myself other than "filling that void." I don't even know if that will make me happy. I've never had a healthy relationship for long enough to know what happens after that.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

something something trigger warning suicide etc.

 

Feels like all I can do is come to places like this, tell my story, get all these helpful suggestions and come up with all these reasons why they won't work. Then when I say something like "I feel like I might as well kill myself" I get told to call emergency services, but then when I go and do that, by the time they come around to my place and take me to the hospital, I'm wondering when I can go home. That's before I have to sit around for hours because all the hospital staff are busy dealing with people who actually need help.

 

If I decide I actually want to kill myself, I sure won't be telling anyone about it. Smiley Indifferent

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea I can sense how frustrated you are with the helping process - which is completely understandable because there's no easy road to feeling better. However, by coming to ReachOut it seems to me that you really do want to help yourself feel happier and make some lasting friendships. Is there any small step you could take that would help yourself feel just a little bit better tomorrow?

Also did you end up signing up for any Facebook groups or checking out cydus?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hey @cole on sea I am so sorry you're feeling like you haven't been heard. How was last night for you and how have you been doing today? Weekends can be really difficult to manage sometimes. Can you tell me if you're safe right now?

 

It sounds like you're in a really difficult place and from what I can understand, it seems like your experience with emergency services didn't meet your needs. I think it's great you are on RO and sharing with us. We would like to keep hearing from you and see how we can support you through this.

 

I'm also wondering about in-person counselling since that's the best way to deal with ongoing, persistent bad feelings to heal underlying issues. You've mentioned that working with a counsellor has been a challenge. For sure it's challenging and even frustrating but I would really recommend not giving up on trying to find a counsellor who you can connect with (even a bit initially). Gradually building a trusting therapeutic relationship with a counsellor can do a world of good. How do you feel about that?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I just had a look at my figure in the mirror. I'm honestly disgusted. Most people would still see me as skinny, but I have a noticeable beer gut, and it's honestly kinda gross to me. I mean, I don't want to be a supermodel, but I can't tell whether I've put on weight or my posture is gradually getting worse.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Not really. I don't have any control over how I'm feeling at all; sometimes I'm fine, sometimes I'm not.

I tried requesting to join more groups, but I haven't heard anything back yet. Melbourne Gaming Lounge is adamant they don't want me based on my profile. I still haven't been to Cydus.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I'm worse off tonight. I played Tennis, and I injured my back. I'm honestly more bothered by the fact that no-one else is around than the pain, though.

I don't know if I can ever say I feel "unsafe." I often feel like I'm better off dead, but I never really go anywhere near attempting to carry it out. I figure if I do, no-one would be able to stop me.

Emergency services aren't really helpful for me, no. All they do is make sure I'm not trying to harm myself, which...like I said above, has never been the case to date.

I feel like having regular people to meet up with and do recreational stuff together would be more helpful than sitting here talking about everything I hate about my life. I haven't met anyone that can understand my situation and still want to hang out with me, though.

It feels like nothing is going to move forward until that happens. I don't want to fix myself for me, I'd be doing it to make myself more pleasant to be around for the people that're wanting to be my friend.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hey @cole on sea

 

Just reading through your posts and having a bit of a think about what to do next. It seems to me like maybe you're not convinced that there's people out there that you could connect to. Am I on the right track?