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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

That's basically it. I really don't know how I'm supposed to build a relationship with someone when I have to be the one constantly reminding people I exist for even a slight chance of being involved with them. I'm not saying I expect everyone to seek me out, but I'm really not feeling any reciprocation from anyone.

 

Here's an example. I start chatting with someone (instant messaging of some kind,) I bring up the idea of doing something together; going to play Tennis, or playing one of many video games together; online or locally depends on how I know them. They say they're busy; sometimes they tell me what they're doing, sometimes they don't.

 

I try asking them "Okay, how about we organise something in a few days time?" They either say they don't know, or they've got something planned for that day, too. They never say "I'm free on this day if you want," they never give me any options. I even try asking them if they say they're busy the next day "Okay, do you know when you ARE free?" and they're like "uuuhhhh i dunnoooo lol" and I usually don't pay it any mind since from what I know of them, they don't strike me as organised, but I've gotta draw the line somewhere.

 

This is no exaggeration, either; everyone I have ever known, save for the one person I still keep in touch with, has done this to me. I can't think of anyone who has ever gone out of their way to associate with me, not even the person I just mentioned. They just don't fob me off when I talk to them, I guess.

 

I try to rationalize it as best I can. "Oh but it's fair enough I know they have a lot of friends to hang out with" or "Oh but that sounds important, I guess they should do that" or "Oh well I suppose sometimes I feel lazy too" but the more time I spend trying to know someone, the less believable their stories become.

 

It's gotten to the point where I just laugh at anyone who gives me their alias whenever I make a post on a forum asking for people to play a game with online. I mean, I add them, sure, but if they don't message me on the appropriate platform within the next few days, I sure as hell won't be paying them any mind ever again. I used to try and go out of my way and politely ask them if they still want to play, but a vast majority of them never lasted more than one session. Some messaged me back, but never actually played anything with me, and some didn't even bother responding at all.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea hmm, those replies do kind of sound like the kind of replies a person might give when they're not sure about hanging out with someone, are you worried about that?

 

 

 

 

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Only because it's been the case with everyone I've ever known. It's really hard to believe that it's their problem when literally everyone takes this approach with me, even though chances are it likely is. I throw out all kinds of suggestions, anything to get the ball rolling, and all I get is ambivalent answers. I even try asking them for input, what's something they enjoy doing, and I usually get something along the lines of "I dunno."

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hello @cole on sea, I have just been reading through your posts and it seems you have been having difficulty getting some reciprocation back from your acquaintances. All of the suggestions mentioned seem like really good ideas and I'm also going to second that seeing a face-to-face counsellor would be helpful if you keep persistent. If this is something you are willing to try again, it might be an idea to do a little research around which counsellor may be appropriate. For example, there are counsellors more experienced with clients with mild autism than others. It's just about finding the right one which will come with time and commitment.

But how are you doing today?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I just wanted to add on a completely different note, perhaps your consideration of a pet?
I'm not sure of your housing arrangement and if this is even a viable option, but endless amounts of research have proven that pets can be great companions and help get people out and about.
I'll list a few websites that may be useful to have a look at:
- http://kb.rspca.org.au/what-do-i-need-to-know- before-i-get-a-new-pet_19.html
- http://petsaustralia.org/pet-owners/how-to-choose-a-pet/

Hope this sparks an interest! Smiley Happy
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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@Alison5 @cole on sea pets (well taking your dog on a walk) can also be a great way to strike up conversations with fellow dog people! Smiley Happy

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Yeah, no. I was a horrible dog owner when I was living with my family. We'd always have at least three dogs, and when one died, we had a new one shortly after. One of them saw me as a master, and I neglected him far too much. I hate to think about the psychological impact it had on him. There's other problems there too that I really don't want to talk about and avoid as best I can.

 

Even without all that, my current living arrangements are not suitable, and I feel like the landlord wouldn't approve anyway. Other pets don't appeal to me at all. I can't even get my own life in check, no chance of being able to look after someone else's.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Facebook is a fucking joke. If you don't have all the fully sick ex-dee-ell-oh-ell memes on your timeline and 137894651923451237 selfies in your profile picture reel, good fucking luck getting into any groups. I don't even know why I bother, anyway, seems like every group I've actually managed to get into is full of toxic assholes who thrive on repeatedly curb stomping people while they're down anyway. 

 

I feel like I could kill someone right about now.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hey @cole on sea sounds like you were having a rough time today. Social media can be triggering sometimes and there are all kinds of people there! How are you feeling now?