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Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

The main reason I don't talk to my colleagues is because they're even more negative than me. Constant complaining about the same petty problems, day in, day out. I've just gotten used to focusing on my work.

The tennis group is a significantly more enjoyable one. I'm still having difficulty making friends, but at least the worst of the negativity is a few people that like to make a point of the massive age difference between us.

I suppose it most likely is a case of not having much in common. Then again, I feel like Tennis and Video games are the only things I can really talk about, so it doesn't exactly give people many options.

It feels like the main reason why counsellors aren't working for me is because I am reluctant to change for my sake. I guess I just don't want it for myself enough; if someone else really wanted me to and they stuck around to help make it happen, maybe, but no-one wants to do that, and I sure don't expect them to.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I mean, Badminton is alright too, but it's not really something I "want" to do.

I don't. All of my work colleagues are at least 20 years older than me. Smiley Indifferent

I found the group you're talking about and I put a request to join, but I haven't had a lot of luck with Facebook groups. Even that group looks fairly deserted.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea I'm sorry to hear that about your colleagues I'm sure it would be really difficult to stay positive when those around you are struggling with it too.

Have you tried striking up many conversations with people at tennis? Establishing friendships can be really challenging. If you could find a similar interest with someone (Eg movies or video games) maybe you could ask the group if they would like to see one together or play together?

Would you like to explore how you feel reluctant to change? What specifically are you feeling reluctant to change?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Not really. I don't know what to ask them or when's an appropriate time to ask them.

I don't really know how to answer that. It just seems like everything I get told to do either won't help or is too hard to do on my own.

My request to join Melbourne Gaming Lounge got refused. Apparently, they don't accept accounts that're under a year old, due to issues with people creating fake accounts. Apparently the person who refused my request isn't the group owner, so they're going to talk to them about it, but I know better than to get my hopes up.

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hey @cole on sea sounds like a super taxing time for you, you've withstood alot so I am really glad you have come to the forums to make the most of peer support.

There's been a lot of great suggestions and insights from RO. At the end of the day whatever strategy you apply needs to work for you.

What's the dream outcome for you currently? What are the positive values you are searching for from people, in an ideal world?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Someone who likes the same video games as me and is happy to play them with me. A regular hitting partner for Tennis. Someone who's super affectionate, but also not opposed to the idea of sex. I really feel like there needs to be a lot of emphasis on the affection; seems like almost every time I've found myself doing it with someone, I haven't familiarised myself with them enough to be comfortable with it. The people that I have gotten comfortable with are the ones that've proven unreliable.

 

They don't all have to be the same person, but I feel like the latter would go well with at least one of the former two. It's hard to know whether my experiences with hookup apps haven't gone so great because of the lack of mutual hobbies, or because they just weren't interested in my bias towards affection.

 

At this point, I feel like just having someone that I could regularly partake in a hobby with would have a significantly positive impact, but I've also noticed that I tend to long for intimacy with the more time I spend around someone. I've seen that detriment some of my past relationships, but not all. 

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

@cole on sea oh that's a shame about the facebook group - hopefully they will accept you. Please try not to take that personally as it's no reflection of you as a person. In the mean time maybe you could search for some other facebook groups?

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

I tried searching for "Melbourne gaming" and it didn't seem to show anything promising. I did request to join another group, but I really don't feel hopeful.

Even if it isn't personal, it's still a step backwards from solving my problem, and I can only keep trying for so long

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

Hi @cole on sea

 

You have mentioned a number of things that I believe are important in helping you. 

 

You say that you lash out at people to stop them from communication with you, is this correct? Lashing out is not the answer. Have you tried asking them why they stop communicating with you? Maybe it could be helpful for you to know that reasons why in order to establish what is going on. 

 

Im sorry to hear about the experiecne that you have had with Lifeline. Have you considered giving them feedback so they can improve their services? 

 

In your previous post you mentioned some positive things that you have going for you such as renting an apartment, have you considered trying to find a housemate? Not for the reasons of paying rent but so that way you have someone that you can talk to in times of need. 

 

 

Re: Moved Post - Meaningful relationships? What're those?

No, I lash out when I try to reach a consensus with someone when I'm feeling like they don't value me, and being polite about it doesn't work.

It happened a long time ago, and I don't care about it enough to. I just don't intend to call them again.

I had a housemate through most of last year. It got to the point where I was communicating with them via text messaging, and I would stay in my room to avoid interaction with them.