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My Story, I Need Advice.

I have been depressed on and off for a few years, for a while though I seemed to be somewhat recovering. Recently, in the past few days the period of depression has come back and is showing no signs of stopping. I first started experiencing periods of depression 3 years ago, after my father left. My father was a violent alcoholic and almost weekly my mother, brother, sister and myself would have to leave in the middle of the night to a friend or relatives house due to his behaviour. On nights that my father would get drunk, i would usually be the one trying to protect my sister who was only a baby when this all started and my mother which meant getting involved in these fights. this all started before i was six years old.

One night, things were taken to the extreme, i watched as my father assaulted my mother. i was 12. In the end it resulted in me calling the police, i havent seen my father since then and the last words he said to me were, "I loved you all. I will see yyou in another life. Maybe a better one?" which may or may not hint at why i havent seen or had any contact with him since.

Until about 13 i was coping with it all expecting my parents to get back together, because usually they would. admittedly the police hadnt intervened previously. Shortly after i turned 13, i realized that my parents in fact would not get back together and i resorted to self harm as a method of coping. I also had, and still often have suicidal thoughts and the littlest things could set me off. this continued for a while, until a few weeks ago when i decided that i would try and stop self harming, i was successful for a while but it once again became hard to cope and i felt numb without it.

A few months ago, i started to stop eating during school hours, so to significantly cut down the amount of food i was eating. this is something i still do.

I need advice on what to do, my mother most likely wouldnt send me to a therapist, i had asked previously and she never got around to it and i struggle talking face to face with people.

Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Welcome to ReachOut.com @Maez.

 

Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. You have taken the first step in seeking help. Smiley Happy

 

I just had to edit your post a bit, in accordance with our community guidelines. You did nothing wrong, it is just that the description of violence can be triggering for some people and we want to make sure RO remains as safe as possible for everyone.

 

So sorry to hear about what you are going through, I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like. But what I can tell you is that from reading this, you come across as a strong, courageous and brave person.

 

I know that the school year is almost over, but I just want to ask if you have spoken to your school counsellor about how you are feeling? What about your GP?

 

You mentioned that you struggle with face to face, that is okay, many people struggle with this. There are services that have online platforms as a form of seeking help such as eheadspace and kids helpline along with other services that you can find here.

 

Here at RO, we have some awesome factsheets that may be of use to you such as self-help for self-harm and also on how to create a safety plan for the next time you feel suicidal so you know what needs to be done.

 

Some numbers to include on your safety plan would be that of kids helpline (1800 55 1800), lifeline (13 11 14) and of course emergency services 000 for when you are in immediate danger.

 

Please let us know how you are going,

 

stonepixie


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Hi @Maez, how are you doing today? Just wondering if you've had a chance to check out some of the links that @Troy and @stonepixie posted?

Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Hi @Maez, thank you for posting your story.  It has a lot of pain and grief, and it sounds like from a young age you've really taken on a huge amount.  I'm really sorry to hear of all you have gone through.  However, the amount of strength and courage you've shown to continue with things such as school, and looking out for your family, are outstanding and really can't be overstated.

 

Firstly, if you feel unsafe or are having thoughts of suicide, call 000.  Lifeline  (13 11 14) also offers really good support, as does Kid's Help Line (1800 55 1800).

 

None of this is your fault, and it may be a long road, but it will get better.

 

Who have you told about your self harm? Who are you able to go to?  You likely have a school counsellor, if you feel that your mum won't send you to a therapist.  You mentioned that you are uncomfortable talking face to face, but talking to someone can be really beneficial and a great starting point.

 

You mentioned that self-harm is a coping strategy for you.  What are other, less harmful things you can engage in? It sounds like the restricted eating accomplishes the same things and has the same purpose as the self harm, but this is only temporarily viable. 

 

We know that often these urges can go away if you are able to do something else.  I have been told things like holding an iceblock in your hand is a less harmful substitute?  Trying to stop self-harming all at once can be overwhelming and seem impossible, so it is okay to take a stepwise approach and stop doing it overtime.  Here is a link to a list of self-harm support services if you want to check it out

 

There is also this story of how someone else overcame their self-harm.  It has some really great ideas of how to resist the urge to self harm and is definitely worth reading (it's also quite short)

 

Finally, I hope all of this discussion of self-harm hasn't overshadowed how courageous you have been.  I really hope to hear back from you and let us know how you are going.  All the best

Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Suicide call back service  (1300 659 467) is also there for you, as are we

Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Hi @tsnyder, First off i would like to thank you for sending me some of the websites, they have been really helpful.

Now to answer your questions.

Who have you told about your self harm?

A few years ago i told my best friend at the time, he kind of blew it off and we are no longer friends for (i think) unrelated reasons. I havent really told anyone other that that because my mother laughed when she found out my brother had done it a while ago. i alsi overheard her saying that she thinks that its something only weak people do etc. I dont think my other friends would be very supportive, it doesnt help that they call me (sarcastically) fatty and other names. honestly what they call me doesnt realy bother me unless i have had a rough day already, because i know that what they, or anyone says isnt really what defines me.

Who are you able to go to?

At our school we have a student wellbeing officer, but then we have the issue of me not being able to talk to people face to face. We also have a facility in front of our school, in which we can leave at anypoint to visit, called headspace.

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Re: My Story, I Need Advice.

Hey @Maez, that's wonderful to hear that you have found those resources to be really helpful. What did you think about the resources regarding alternatives to self harm? Are there some suggestions in those links that you could incorporate into your own safety plan?

 

I'm sorry to hear that your friend at the time responded in that way. Self harm does not mean that you are weak, and coming to the RO forums to seek help shows a huge amount of strength.

 

The Headspace centre across the road from your school would be worth visiting, if you feel comfortable with that. I've included the link to their website here. They are very welcoming, supportive, non-judgemental and provide a range of services.

 

You did mention that you find it difficult to speak face to face. As @stonepixie mentioned, Headspace have an online resource called eheadspace where you can chat one on one with someone. It's completely confidential and you can talk online, over the phone or send them an email - whatever you feel most comfortable with. Is this something that you would feel comfortable trying?

 

Keep in touch and let us know how you are going. We are here to support you Smiley Happy