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My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

My seperation anxiety and depression aren't going away and I'm scared that I'm pushing away the one person I'm terrified to lose. When I get really anxious I call him multiple times because the only thing that calms me is hearing his voice, he's been really understanding but I feel like I'm pushing him away and annoying him, lately I've been thinking that the best thing for both of us is me for me to disappear, it's been years and nothing has stopped it, I don't know what else to do

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hiya @KjStormy, welcome back. I'm sorry to hear that your anxiety and depression are intense at the moment, but I'm glad that you've got a friend to support you. That's what we do for people we care about, and unless he has specifically told you he needs a little space I don't think you have to worry about being "clingy".

 

Some of the things you say about feeling suicidal concern me. You must be in a lot of pain to think you to be having such dark thoughts. Last time you mentioned that you had a counsellor at Kids Helpline. Are you still in touch with them? If so, I encourage you to reach out to them now. You can also speak with the counsellors at the Suicide Call Back Service at any time of the day or night. Their number is 1300 659 467. Will you speak with one of those two support services tonight?

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

I can't tonight because my dad will be home soon, I'm just gunna read and then try and sleep

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hey @KjStormy how are you feeling today? Did you get some sleep? What book did you read?

 

You have cared about this person for a long time now, and it seems to me like he has cared about you a lot for a long time too! Both friendships and relationships come in all shapes and sizes (so to speak), have you asked him how he feels about being called lots when you're worried? Maybe he's okay with it! If you're super worried about him, perhaps you could ask to contact him at regular times, but also ask him if he wants some other times where he gets some space?  That way you know you can give him a call and have that contact that means so much, but can also work on some skills around around understanding these feelings. What has your KHL counsellor told you to do to help with the anxiety?

 

How do you feel about giving KHL a call today?

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Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hi @Ben-RO I didn't get much sleep last night but I do feel a bit better today. I won't be able to call my KHL counsellor until the weekend when my dad is away but she has told me to try do some activities like colouring and drawing to ease the anxiety.

I'll and try and contact him again this weekend, but I'm still really worried about being clingy again

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hey @KjStormy,

 

Sorry to hear that you didn't have much sleep and that your anxiety is getting tough.

Have you got some coloring books to use as your counsellor suggested? What other things ease your anxiety? 

Do you notice that your feelings of anxiety are brought on by something in particular?

 

You can talk to us at any time you need to, we have got your back Smiley Happy

 

It can be a really unsettling feeling if you feel that you are bothering someone you really care about. Does he have a busy week ahead of him? As one of the other posters has already mentioned, you could see if you could contact him at a regular time evry day.

 

Look forward to hearing how things go for you,

 

Lahna

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Sorry to hear you didn't get much sleep last night! How was the book?

 

Did you get some sleep tonight?

 

What sort of colouring in and drawing do you do?

 

Tell me all the things! Smiley Tongue

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

@Lahna yes I do have some colouring books, the only other thing that eases the anxiety is talking to him. What triggers it most of the time are these things I've mentioned in previous forms my mentor and I have labelled "intrusive thoughts" where I have thoughts and images of him being hurt, depressed or killed, also it can be triggered if he doesnt answer then phone And he is busy most of the tine.

@Ben-RO I haven't really got much sleep the last couple of nights, I draw manga and colour in adult mindfulness colouring books. And my book is pretty good

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hey @KjStormy,

 

It's good to hear that you have some things to do like those coloring books. 

 

Hope you are having a nice day so far!

 

Smiley Happy 

Re: My clinginess is making me feel guilty and suicidal

Hey @KjStormy,

 

If you feel comfortable sharing, we'd love to see some of your work!

Check out the art thread in the hanging out section of the forums.