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Nagging voice in my head

Just over a year ago, a good friend broke up with me via SMS; I attribute this to the fact that my spiritual beliefs changed that they no longer synced up with her own, to which she was greatly attached.

It has been hard for me to let her go since I still miss her, after a fashion; our friendship had real merit and I revel in the memories.
It doesn't change the fact, however, that our differences have separated us, and I have to move on.

But the challenge follows, that though she is no longer physically nearby, it's fair to say that she has remained in spirit; I still hear her voice in my head, giving opinions on almost everything I say and do, and always in opposition.

What really tries me about this, also, is my belief that she would probably succeed in derailing the argument of anybody that would come to my defence, as she is well-practiced in debating.

I am at the mercy of your wisdom here to impart. I am confident that your words will be my rescue.

Re: Nagging voice in my head

Hi @BeauZa, I'm sorry to hear about the end of your friendship. It sounds like you two were very close, and you were able to challenge each others opinions and have some healthy debate. I don't believe that a difference of beliefs necessarily means a friendship has to end, but I understand why some people might think so. In a way, it's a bit like moving on from a romantic break up, and some of the same coping techniques can apply. You also mentioned that you have a spiritual belief, is there something in that you can turn to for support and guidance?

Re: Nagging voice in my head

Thanks for your correspondence @ElleBelle.

I definitely agree with you, in that there was some back-and-forth between us on a lot of things, and our connection was quite intimate, however platonic, so I do believe I lost something good in the end.

 

I'm in a place of self-reflection at this point and I expect that my beliefs will change in the near future; presently I hold the concept that the human spirit is free to go where it chooses after leaving the body, and in the way of life and the living thereof, I consider the guidance of the prose poem Desiderata... so I suppose that would pass for the something you mentioned.

Re: Nagging voice in my head

It's great that you realise you are different @BeauZa, and having different opinions is ok. Maybe this fact sheet here would of interest to you to deal with your spiritual challenges?

 

You also mentioned your previous partners voices are in your head, this is another information sheet that might assist in helping you overcome this.

Re: Nagging voice in my head

Hi @BeauZa, it sounds like this girl has had a bit of an impact on you!  It's great to hear you acknowledge that you have some really good memories with her, after a break up it can be hard to stay objective, so that's awesome.

 

It seems like spirituality is very important to you? These voices sound very similar to obsessions, where our mind latches onto something and the more we try to fight it, the more it persists (aka "an unwanted intrusive thought").  Kind of similar to when someone says "don't think of [x]" and then all you can think of is x. 

 

Sometimes it can be helpful to just allow these thoughts to occur and pass through your mind, and trust that after a while they will gradually become less frequent.  PsychologyToday posted this article on intrusive thoughts, and although some of their examples are a bit more extreme, it might be worth reading from about the 4th or 5th paragraph.  When I have obsessive thoughts, I picture them as people walking by, say 'sup' and give them a little wave. 

 

It's also worth checking out some of those fact sheets posted earlier in the thread, perhaps these thoughts are just a symptom of not having moved on yet?

 

Hope this helps and let us know how you are going

Re: Nagging voice in my head

Those were some helpful links, @Zekk. Thank you Smiley Happy

Re: Nagging voice in my head

That was a useful article, @tsnyder

So, could it be that I just have to calmly allow these thoughts in the form of voices to pass? I've had the idea that these thoughts remained with me because there is something that needs to be changed (I am working to fix my low self-esteem, by the by).

Re: Nagging voice in my head

Okay, so from what you are saying, I think what is meant is to acknowledge that you are having these thoughts, but you don't have to listen to them or let them control your actions. Does that make sense?

My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: Nagging voice in my head

@stonepixie yeah, it makes sense to me, and it certainly is encouraging. 

I've had the idea that all the things about my friend that irritated me then and even now point to beliefs about myself that need to be worked out... everything seems to trace back to the fact that I don't love myself and look for others to take care of that instead.

Re: Nagging voice in my head

That was such a self aware response, @BeauZa. I know it can be really hard to assess and admit things we need to work on or would like to change within ourselves, so you should be proud of the courage you've shown by being able to discuss it.

 

I know you've already been linked to a few other fact sheets, but RO also has a lot of really good info on self confidence. There's a lot of articles and fact sheets in there that you might find really helpful.

 

Please keep us all updated on how you're doing Smiley Happy