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Narratives as an Outlet

@j95 has this awesome writing ability and sometimes writes his experiences as narratives, it's such a great insight into what we go through as humans, especially living with trauma and mental illness. Here's a space for him and anyone else who would like to share their journey with RO Smiley Very Happy

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

thanks for setting this up @Bree-RO i might try to find my anger one and post it and surfing one

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

Yeah that would be a good kick off thank you @j95 look forward to it.

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

This is one I wrote to try and explain my anger:

So, there is guy, lets call him J, haha. Every single day he walks around with his brain so full of stuff, it makes it really hard for him to think of anything new because he's so focused on things that have happened in the past because these things weigh him down each day. During the day, he copes ok, he lives his life normally, goes to work. When he wakes up and goes to work in the morning, his brain is already full of things that worry him and stress him out but he gets through it alright. After a full day at work, he goes home and his bucket is so full he can't carry it anymore. His bucket is full of the things he started the day with, plus a few things throughout the day, that by the time he gets home its about to explode, he wants to put it down and let it empty, but more and more things keep getting added, when lots of things get added it makes it even harder for him to think and process things. His brain is trying to stay stop, you're overloading me, but things keep happening, the noise, the people talking, he needs to time empty this bucket even just a little bit before he process those things otherwise he explodes and gets angry. These little things like people coughing a couple of times, you might not think anything of, but to him, its what pushes him beyond his limits. The anger feels like fire, red hot and comes right from his belly. He tries to keep it all in and doesn't work, he feels like screaming but he can't, his body is tense. He's screaming on the inside though, and he feels like the only way to stop himself from screaming so loud the whole world could hear is to throw something or break something. And in that moment he feels like nobody else in the world feels a similar way and that he is on his own, the way it always has been. Sometimes the anger subsides, and he can go about the rest of his night, but other times the anger turns into shame and disappointment in himself. He tries to explain the anger to people, but they don't quiet seem to understand, it makes him frustrated at others while also feeling pretty bad himself, and alone.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

This one I made to describe my experience surfing:

Surfing makes him feel powerful, in control yet level headed and confident.
He can feel his feet on the hard board below, the cold air against his face and he subconsciously navigates the wave, he doesn't have to think about it. He angles his body in direction he needs to go, he can feel the cold water on his hands as he starts a turn. The feeling is exhilarating, he concentrates on perfecting the turn, blocking the sound of the other surfers out as he pushes his board up, trying to perfect the snap. He clears it, and he can't stop smiling. He keeps steady on his feet, stay on the board.
The waves starts to go flat, he feels the pressure in his heals, gets the rail in the water. Knees heavy. He pushes ready for that bottom turn to finish the wave off. His heart is beating out of his chest but he isn't even thinking, it's almost second nature. The finishes the wave, he's submerged by the ocean, his body is taken by the water. The rush of cold water hitting his bare skin and the thick wetsuit. He pops back up from the cold icey ocean, the rush of adrenaline still there and made even stronger by roar of the wave breaking down near the shore. He can hear his short sharp breathing, and the cold air, it's time to find his board and do it all again.
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

Soooooo damn goooood! @j95 You definitely have a skill here!

 

How do you feel sharing those?

 

 

Just on your first one, there's a theme of feeling alone with these emotions huh? Do you know of any support groups in Melbourne for people who've been exposed to trauma such as yours mate? Would be so rad if they were kind of young men too.. Have you heard of anything like that, or would you be open to anything like that?

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

I would be interested in that a lot, I think it would help me but no idea where to even look @Bree-RO
//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

And this one I wrote. 

Heads up its kind of heavy though. 

 

need you to stop hurting me.
I want you to pick me up and hug me.
I need you to tell me you love me.
I want you encourage me.
I need to feel loved and safe.

You are hurting me harder than last night. I can hear mum yelling the background, she's swearing at the kids. The room is spinning, I feel like I can breathe. It hurts.
Please stop hurting me.
I want to push you away, I want you to stop this but I can't I'm too small. You're too strong and I can't fight it. You keep going and I can no longer stand up, it hurts too much. Please stop making me feel so small, please don't stand over me and tell me I'm useless.
I can smell the alcohol on you and it's making me feel even sicker.
I'm numb, I can't even feel the places that you hurt me anymore. And the shoe that you used will go back to its spot on the step and we'll redo this whole thing.
Tomorrow the numbess will fade and it'll turn into stinging bruises and we'll do it all again.
I can't breathe, I need to stand up strong for my brothers and sisters and I can't. I need to fight for them because you will get to them soon, please don't hurt them. I'll stand in the way. I'm not letting you touch them, I'm protecting them, if I think I'm going to die trying.
I have to hold this family together. You can't hurt them.
I need you to love me. I need you to protect me like I'm protecting them.
Please tell me you love me, please keep me safe.

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

@j95 I love the narratives. well written and expressive
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Narratives as an Outlet

@redhead thanks Smiley Happy 

//You can stay afraid, or slit the throat of fear and be brave//