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Need advise urgently

I'm in desperate need for advise . Iv been in a relationship for 7 years .my partner has suffered from an ice addiction for The first 5 years we where together in those first 5 yrs I felt like I was mentally exhausting , homeless for most of those years, also we now have three kids so we moved interstate changed our life around and got away from his influences. my partner now has a supervisor position in the mines .he is doing very well in providing for his kids. We have been here now for 2 yrs ,we have nice cars a lovely home .I actually feel like I have a life and my kids will have a future but my partners ice addiction is re-showing it's self and only in the last 5 weeks I have noticed his attitude change . He is nasty and in his own world . I try and have a conversation with him and it looks like he is listening but he's answers are dumb and very weird . I have very open communication based relationship we talk about every think I have stayed by him through out the years because I could see he had it in him to change and he did in the last two years but . I'm unsure on what to do this time as I am fed up and feel my kids deserve better . It has seriously got that bad that I had to send him to hospital because of an ice OD after a 5 day binge when we where on holidays and ever since then he is wanting it more and more. I see permanent sign-effects . Breathing heavy . Fingers and toes can't stop moving I can't stand sleeping in the same bed because he talks random stuff and his arms do there own thing and he is not aware of any of this . He Plays games on his phone constantly. I am practically living as a single mother but he is financially taking care of us . Do I give him another chance or should I cut ties with my losses and move on . I'm also scared to leave with my kids as my partner lost his best mate 3 years ago to a murder suicide involving his friend and his kids . I'm scared he might do something that bad if I leave him or if he ask's to have the kids for visits ,plus I would not trust some one under the influence of drugs to look after my kids . Expecially without me present ??????

Re: Need advise urgently

Sorry about the bad grammar I blame the amount of stress and worry my brain is overloading on ??? 😜

Re: Need advise urgently

I'm in the exact same position as you.. About two years ago my partner was taking ice nearly everyday for about a year, i finally broke through to him and got him to stop, this was two months before I gave birth to our first and only child. Now two years later his showing all the symptoms of being on it again but even worse this time his very angry and irritable, and also denying that his had drugs I even made him do a drug test that was positive and he still denys it. I don't know what do I don't think I can go through this again

Re: Need advise urgently

Hey @Inasitch,

Welcome to ReachOut. I'm really glad that you found our forums, and that you've been able to share what's going on for you. I really feel for you, it must be so hard to see your partner get better and then start backsliding. Smiley Sad

No-one else can really advise you on whether to leave or not, that's a decision you'll have to make. But you can certainly get support and help along the way. Do you think it would help to talk through your options with someone you trust (maybe a close friend or family member?) or a counsellor? Lifeline is available 24/7 - you can call them on 13 11 14 or use their web chat service. They are an anonymous service who are there to listen and provide support in tough times.

 

I'm glad to hear that your safety and the safety of your kids is something you're thinking about. It is always better to be safe than sorry. The 1800 Respect project has some great resources for how to keep yourself and your family safe, including how to create a safety plan (whether you are separating or not).

 

I'm so sorry that you're going through this tough time. Do you think you can give one of the services I mentioned a call? You don't have to do this alone. And of course you are welcome to keep chatting here. I'd like to hear how you are getting on.

 

Good luck!

blithe

 

 

 

 

Re: Need advise urgently

Hi @Hannah123,

Welcome to ReachOut. I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. Did you see the post I wrote to @Inasitch? (it should be right above this one on the forum). Maybe some of the resources I shared in that post would be useful to you too. And maybe you can support each other as it seems like you are both facing similar challenges.

You are welcome to keep chatting here - you shouldn't have to go through tough times like this on your own.

 

Cheers,

blithe

Re: Need advise urgently

Hi @Inasitch ,

 

I just wanted to add that you shouldn't get too far ahead of yourself right now. This decision is yours to make but if your relationship can still be saved shouldn't you give it a try?

 

It may feel like all the emotions from the past are carrying over to the present making you feel exhausted, not only that you but you haven't had a good night sleep either. But making decisions when emotions are heightened is not the best. You need to be rational here because your decision will not only affect your life, but your children and your partner.

 

First you have to think about your children. They'll be confused and upset, they don't understand the adult situation and even though it's not their fault at all they may blame themselves for their parents separating. Also children need a father figure it's important to their development. 

 

You need to think for your partner as well. He's a supervisor, he's at a good position in his work. Going from being homeless to having a lovely home and cars. Leaving without addressing the addiction itself can lead him into a downward spiral, his addiction might go out of control and it'll risk everything you guys have achieved together as a family.

 

I think your partner needs to deal with the physical addiction itself. The first time moving away from the influences was enough but it won't be enough this time. You could hold an intervention with other loved ones present for him with the kids away. If he becomes aggressive towards you there will be others there. Tell him what his addiction is doing to the family. Have your children make something for him and show it to him at the intervention, remind him what's important in his life. If it goes well he could enter a rehab centre near your area and get professional help. Regular sessions at a sauna has been known to be effective for ice addicts. The heat in the sauna makes them sweat out residue of the drugs stored in the body's fat tissues, his relapse is due to having the drug still in his system being a heavy user among other factors. But I reccomend that getting professional help is the way to go though they'll teach him how to properly deal with issues so he never has to go back to it.

 

If he doesn't want to leave the drug behind him, choosing the drug over his family. Then that's when I believe you should make your decision and do what's best for yourself and your kids. 

 

You should definitely call the numbers Blithe mentioned, talking to people will definitely help and read the sources, do your research on how to go about this if you choose to follow this advice. Interventions are difficult. They put everything out into the open and it could be a scary process. But it could really hit deep and get through to a person.

 

Wish you best of luck and whatever happens you will get through this because you're a mother and mothers are the strongest people on this earth.

 

NutellaBuster

 

 

 

Re: Need advise urgently

Thanks you for the advise I appreciate it so much I'm going to do my best to try be as supportive as I can and see how things fan out . I can only try and all the advise and numbers are good steps for me to take to help my partner . I will keep you's updated on the situation
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Re: Need advise urgently

@Inasitch in my opinion, your children need to be your first priority. However, being afraid of your partner when he is effected by drugs is very understandable. Well done on trying to talk to him - that's so important, but often the thoughts of someone on drugs are incoherent and nonsensical. Make sure you express to him how proud you are of the way he has turned his life around and has helped support his family.

 

I understand being afraid that he'll retaliate, but (if he doesn't turn this around soon) I would search for external help  - if he has been clean for 2 years and returned, that could signal that this may be an ongoing problem.  Also, if at any time you start feeling as though you or your children are in danger, call authorities.  It is such a tough situation, as you've seen how great a person he can be and it is understandable to hang around to see that again, but I would set some form of time frame.  E.g. tell him he has a number of months (obviously, how long is up to you). 

 

By the way, congratulations on how much you have achieved - going from homeless to where you are now shows belief, persistence and dedication and I think you are incredible and very inspiring! You will be able to deal with this situation in the way that is best for you and your children because of these traits and because how strong a person you are. 

Re: Need advise urgently

Everyone have made some really great suggestions.

 

How are you going today? Be sure to keep us posted Smiley Happy

 

bessie94