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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

It took a complete breakdown from me for my parents to listen when I said I was too tired to go out, and asked to stay at home while they went.

It apparently only takes a "I'm a bit tired" from my brother for the entire family to stay home.

I feel so isolated and trapped and I spend so long here while everyone else goes about their day outside.

 

It feels like everything I've had to fight for comes so easily to my brother.

And somehow him getting what he wants always seems to block me from doing something I need.

I don't understand what's happening here. Like am I just being biased or oversensitive or something?

I can't get rid of the feeling that his wants are usually placed above my needs.

 

There is no logical reason for one child to be favored so much over the other.

But then again he gets what he wants by bullying, insulting and yelling at people. And my parents have only ever reinforced this.

 

I feel like something is wrong with me.

Maybe something is wrong with me and that's why my parents are favoring my brother so much.

Or maybe I only think that's what's happening; because something's wrong with me.

I don't understand...

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@WheresMySquishy they said what?!?!

Not getting proper treatment's going to reinforce the disability if anything is.

It reminds me of how people said getting a cane would reduce my mobility.

But I can now actually walk around a shopping center and don't have to skip volunteering because of the pain.

 

And ugh... definitely.

They'd rather fund cheaper treatments.

I know that they'll almost certainly refuse service dog funding.

But I've decided that if they're going to refuse life-changing funding, I'm going to make it as difficult as possible for them to justify it.

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

Hiya @Tiny_leaf - Just catching up on posts. 

 

I'm sorry to hear you're finding it hard to get the same support from your parents as your brother gets. It's so frustrating when something unfair is happening, especially if it's in our own home. 

 

It seems like you've had to be very resilient and resourceful to get your own support. Kudos to you for getting help given your circumstances, it's not easy. It's not nice to think of you feeling like there's something wrong with you, I think you're just trying to understand the situation but be mindful of your self talk Heart There's nothing wrong with needing some support. 

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Bre-RO I know that there is nothing wrong with needing help.

But there has to be some difference between me and my brother if he gets given the same help that I apparently can't get..

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Tiny_leaf  Mmm... I can see how you've come to think there must be a difference between yourself and your brother. It must be so frustrating/confusing for you to have your access to counselling be restricted. Is speaking to your parents about how and why you need support an option for you? Heart 

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Bre-RO I already have, as much as I can.

Plus they already know my history of suicidal thoughts, self harm, severe depression/ anxiety, dodgy professionals fucking up my treatment, and a hospital stay.

I've told them that I'm starting to get worse again and need help.

Everyone keeps saying that I've had help but 90% of the "help" either did nothing or made things worse.

So now I still haven't had the help that I need, but whenever I say I'm not getting enough help they just.. point to the people I've already seen.

And that just reminds me of the damage they have done.

It only makes things worse....

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

ugh @Tiny_leaf that's so frustrating and unfair, and I'm so very sorry that your parents are so inattentive to your needs Smiley Sad

You are important and you deserve to get proper help  - please know that.

// Spiral outward, keep going. //
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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Tiny_leaf I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. I've been through the mental health system, it's sad how some professionals are dodgy. It took me a while I settle down for a my current psychiatrist. I've seen so many professionals. It's hard to feel dishearten if it doesn't seem to work. I don't think you're beyond being helped, I think you just haven't found what works for you. and that's okay, it can take a while. It is also possible. I don't know if I've asked you before, but have you ever considered seeing another health professional?
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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

Thank you @Beautifullybroken @letitgo 

 

I am working on it - I'm trying to find a way into headspace but it isn't easy.

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Re: New episode of illness (tw)

@Tiny_leaf hope you're able to find your way into headspace. Remember we are here to support you. You will get through this I promise <3. Things are never as dark as they seem.