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Not coping well

Hey all

Its been a few months since my break up.. and im still fighting an up hill battle.

Because of this break up alot of past memories, feelings emotions and habbits have come to the surface.

I am achieving things through all this ive lost weight, getting my fitness back, completing uni subjects working blah blah

none of it gives me any satisfaction or more like i feel like i should be more satisfied with these things.


Ive been doing alot of work on my self essteem self image, negative thinking and all that goes along with it.. i feel like im getting no where


im plauged by my failures both in and out of the relationship i was in... i cant stop thinking about how i F&*%$d it all up even though reality is its not all my fault... im constantly barraged by negative thoughts and emotions and i am fighting in my head alot..


Im starting to hate my job even more and its stressing me out alot... my ex said i should quit this job. i work for my father and im constantly late and a dissapointment.. i think a part of me wanted to stay here just to prove she doesnt know what she is talking about... maybe she was right and that makes me feel worse. I want to punch my dads face in some days and everyone else that i work around but i know thats not getting me anywhere.


i feel like selling everything i own and just dissapearing into no where


I hate seeing other couples it really upsets me to see what ive lost.. i hate seeing people happy cause im jelous that i cant be like that.. I compare my self to everyone and everything and im constantly let down.. I know i shouldnt do that cause i will always get dissapointed that way, but i cant stop my mind.


I hate seeing people with loving familes cause my shits me to tears. I hate feeling not good enough for anyone. i feel that out of place when im in public i feel like the odd one out like i have a sign over my head for people to stay clear of me...


i hate talking about all my problems cause i dont want to be like this i dont secretly crave attention by being the hard done by one.... or making people feel sorry for me so i feel some kind of love..


i shouldnt need people to love me i should be able to love my self... but why cant I?


Im 26 years old and i feel like i have the emotional self control of a 2 year old.


I can be there for anyone and give everyone the right advice... but i cant take my own


I want to give up or blame everyone but its no ones fault.... im struggling and feel like im losing grip but im determined to keep going and its ripping me apart.


I think ive said enough... Sorry for bringing anyone down on here i know we are all in our own struggles im just starting to think im going to be like this forever.

Re: Not coping well

Hi Ryan, you've hit the nail on the head there when you say "im constantly barraged by negative thoughts" - and don't under-estimate how powerful negative thoughts can be in having a massive impact on your perception of yourself and the world.


I'm definitely not saying that what you are experiencing is not a big deal - it does sound really hard and you've mentioned that you are not coping well. So, to help yourself cope better, you are going to have to do something different to get a different result. If you keep going as you are, nothing will change and you will keep feeling the way you do.

Have you heard the phrase "you can't always change the world but you can change the way you think about it". Check out this info on Challenging Negative Thinking and this forum thread that talks about 'self talk' as the little voice in your head that determines how you perceive situations - and how it's often unnecessarily negative.

It does sound like you could do with some one-on-one support - and while we can not provide that ourselves there are other organizations who can. Have you thought about giving Mensline a go? If calling up the phone line seems a bit too confronting, you could always try their online webchat counselling.


I'm so glad you found us and that you are reaching out. You shoul dbe so proud of yourself for that because it's not easy. Keep it up.

Online Community Manager

Re: Not coping well

Hi Ryan,

It sounds like you have bottled a lot of things up for a long time or you have hit quite a bad patch.


The sad story you just weaved for us was like a mirror into my own life about a year ago now minus the heartbreak. I ended up losing my motivation and self belief completely for several months and quit work, study, going out. I didn't leave my bedroom for days at a time and lost lots of weight.


In the end many things came and helped me pull myself out but they all came through chance so I don't think giving you the specifics may be helpful. I did come te realise several things about the potential cause of this 'funk' that I will share in hope that they may be somehow relevant to your situation or at least get you thinking onto the right path. But as I usually say when posting advice here, feel free to disregard it as everyone and every situation is different and this may not even come close to your own personal battles.


The lack of motivation, the feeling like what you are doing is ripping you apart may be a symptom that the path you are following is not one which suits you or one you are trying to convince yourself is the right one. I would suggest sitting down with a pen and paper or just mentally trying to trace the moments in your life that have lead you to your current course of study, job or other aspects of your life you feel are a chore and try and see if it was something you originally wanted for yourself or something you were convinced you wanted after some time. An example for me was feeling pressured into a uni course with a high paying end career when I didn't care about wealth as the outcome to years of preparation and study. I felt pressure from parents, teachers and peers because I was a gifted student and I thought I owed it to them to do what they wanted me to do. If people in your life are making you feel this way they do it because they want what is best for you, but only you can know what you want and what is best for you. what they want for you may not be what you want for yourself.this goes the same for working for your dad, is it something you chose or was it chosen for you???


I can really offer no advice for matters of the heart and I am sorry for that mate. I have been through break ups and what ever the cause was it always hurt no matter how good or bad the relationship was. Just remember that a relationship that didn't work does not reflect upon you as a person but upon the way you and your partner merged together. Like jigsaw pieces only two pieces will fit together the right way not matter how much you try and force it.


I have taken a wild stab at giving you advice here and I hope it hit the mark. As I said earlier Ryan this is a reflection upon something that has happened to me and this does not mean it is the same for you or your current predicament but the advice is there if it is needed.


Stay strong mate, even if it means being weak for a time so that you can rebuild yourself stronger.

Benny C

Re: Not coping well

Thanks for both your replies sophie and benny.


i have been doing alot of work around positive thinking and stopping all my negative thinking.. im not doing very well with it but i guess its just something i have to keep working on.


Thank you for sharing with me benny i do respond well to others stories.

I think with work i never wanted to be here.. i started here to help my dad out years ago, i quit at one stage for a few years when i was going through a hard spot in my life. I was working at a winery 2 days a week and i needed more money so i decided to come back here full time... i think its getting to that point again where i need a change..unfortunatly i dont know what to do.. i have no qualifications im doing a degree online for computers but i wont be finished for a years to come with that..


Im so used to making my self feel to blame for everything that goes wrong in my life.. i know i have some responsibility to the things that happen in my life... but i have to try and stop letting the voice in my head beat the crap out of me everyday.


I really do appreciate people sharing with me it does make a difference.. makes me feel not so alone and excluded from life.

Re: Not coping well

OK IM goanna do what I always do IM gonna break it down into sections


achieving things like losing weight , completing uni and stuff like that is an awesome achievement and you have to give your self some time to give your self a pat on the back even though that feels really weird .


as horrible as it sounds having the ex around all the time can cause pretty big problems and you really have to look deep inside your self and ask your self weather you can just be friends . if not i think you no ultimately what you have to do and how to achieve it


work make a pro and cons list and look into weather your moving towards goals or your just doing it because its a job that came along to you at an convenient time . then if its not for you tart up your resume , get enough courage to get references and then look at what is available


the whole jealousy thing will go away after you sort some of your stuff out