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Not sure what is wrong with me

I am a 15 year old and for the past few months I have been feeling strange and feeling different to how I ever used to but I can not find an answer as to why. I have had general anxiety disorder and panic disorder for as long as I can remember and I got treatment for it and things were finally starting to get better. Now I am having a lot of trouble controlling my emotions and I am having mood swings daily from feeling fine to feeling sad or angry or even just tired. I find myself getting angry or upset over things that aren't worth being angry or sad over. I never act upon my anger although I definitely feel like it, I just internalize it. I have a very short temper and I have never had good relationships because of my anxiety. I find myself opening up to people and they leave, I can be clingy sometimes only because I want them to understand me and not leave me. I open up to people then feel stupid and like a burden afterwards. I always get upset if I am not appreciated or recognized for something when it shouldn't really matter and I find myself becoming even more clingy and losing my temper. I am really not sure as to why I am feeling or acting this way and I am to afraid to talk to anyone about it because they will think I am attention seeking or making it up. I feel like nobody I talk to will understand. 


Re: Not sure what is wrong with me

Heya @louie0068, welcome to RO Smiley Very Happy

Kudos for reaching out (pun not intended, but I'll take it Smiley Tongue)! It sounds like you're super self-aware, which is awesome. I (also fifteen) relate to a lot of what you're saying - I definitely get annoyed at myself for having random moods, or way overreacting to something that doesn't even matter. I think some of it can be chalked up to just, like, being a teenager, but what you're experiencing sounds like something more, yeah? (Also is 'chalked up' even a phrase or did I just make that up? Smiley Tongue)

You said that you were afraid to talk to someone because they'll think you're attention seeking or making it up, or that they won't understand. Is there someone that maybe you could talk to who you know won't think that way? Like a school counsellor or teacher?

Re: Not sure what is wrong with me

Hey @louie6800. I want to second the points that @roseisnotaplant has made and affirm that the self-awareness you seem to have is really great.

I'm also wondering if you're seeing or have seen a mental health professional about this difficulty with controlling your emotions?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Not sure what is wrong with me


Welcome to ReachOut, talking about your feelings can be difficult so thank you for taking the courage to share your story. It sounds like you are very self-aware and want to take the next step in being able to better control your emotional reactions and feelings.

I too sometimes internalise my thoughts and feelings of anger... confrontation definitely isn't easy. However, it is important to vent and let go of these feelings, internalising them and never acting on them can be problematic. When i find myself angry at a situation or at someone, I don't like to act on it straight away as sometimes my emotions get the better of me and what comes out is nonsensical. Instead, I'll acknowledge and sit on these feelings (not for too long though), let them diffuse before I tackle the situation at hand. This helps sometimes, but other times, for me, venting to a friend, my parent, or someone I trust is super helpful.

Try not to hold onto negative feelings for too long. Get them off your chest.

Do you have anyone you trust to talk to about this?
sometimes it rains, sometimes it shines, this is how flowers grow