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Re: Not sure what to do

Thank you so much @Jess1-RO. I would be a total mess without the support on here so thankyou. Just checking in to see how today went really means alot and makes me feel so supported and like you guys genuinely care. I know it's just part of your job, but thankyou. Seriously. ❤ There is no better feeling than feeling like someone has your back and is willing to listen. 


I won't lie, thismorning was pretty tough and I felt so sick heading in for my appointment. I just felt extremely off. And for the first part it really showed with how anxious I was but I was so relieved when my psych asked if I ended up writing anything. I told her I did and it was long and I was embarrassed to give it to her but she was so genuine about it that she managed to convince me to let her read it. She took her time and read it properly which I REALLY appreciated and then we talked some of it through and tried to come up with a game plan for these next few weeks. 


I still don't feel amazing about it all but today did remind me about why I keep going back to see her. I'm usually so against the idea but she really is the right fit for me and today was the reminder that I needed. I've got such a long way to go but now that I was able to fill her in on a few things with my letter I feel like I can make it work. I'm still really anxious and scared and not ready to let her in completely but I know she's the only one I do want to let in and now that she is aware of how I'm feeling I'm hoping it'll help with moving forward. Time will tell I guess. But she told me she isn't going anywhere and that she wants to be there for me which I think I really needed to hear because I'm so scared of her bailing and giving up on me. I've just got to convince myself now that she really does mean it. 


But just being able to have her read something to give her an idea of things and then elaborate on it when she talks to me about it was so much easier!!! I felt like she alresdy knew things from reading it that it took alot of pressure off of me which was nice. 


So thanks heaps to every one who has suggested writing things down for my therapist because it 100% works for me and is going to hopefully make the harder things that little bit easier to bring up and talk about.


I know it's not going to be easy and I'm going to probably have a lot more set backs like my psych mentioned today but I do somewhat feel that with the support on here and the support from my psych I'll get there eventually. She thinks it'll take a few years, but as long as I get there in the end I'm happy. 


Thanks for just letting me rant guys. I know it was pretty pathetic to get so worked up but I just couldn't help it. But thanks for the ongoing support and advice ❤ You guys really do rock!!! 


Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @MB95, any time! Myself and all the ReachOut Team care about and value every person who comes to the forums very much! We try to put our hearts into every response, so it is really lovely to hear how important those check ins have been for you.


I am so happy to hear that your appointment yesterday was one that led to a greater sense of trust and connection with your psychologist. It can take time to build that rapport and feel comfortable to let the walls down and share more of yourself with your supports- writing the letter was such a great way to do that! Good on you for going through with it and exploring new ways of communicating together Heart


This is such a powerful statement:

"I know it's not going to be easy and I'm going to probably have a lot more set backs like my psych mentioned today but I do somewhat feel that with the support on here and the support from my psych I'll get there eventually. She thinks it'll take a few years, but as long as I get there in the end I'm happy." 


Recovery is so unique, and non-linear, but we believe in you and the incredible steps you are taking for your recovery!


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Re: Not sure what to do

Thank you @Jess1-RO. It really does mean alot ❤


Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 I didn't see this until now.

First points.
I really like the way @Alison5 explained their process.
I do something a bit different, but it kind of has a similar effect that I
end up with the main points I guess. I rewrite things until I find the
wording I like to send through.

I'm proud of you for managing to write something down, even if it was 5
pages long. And I'm so proud of you to hear that you managed to show your
psych! Heart

These parts struck something inside me
"I'm still really anxious and scared and not ready to let her in completely
but I know she's the only one I do want to let in and now that she is aware
of how I'm feeling I'm hoping it'll help with moving forward."
"I know it's not going to be easy and I'm going to probably have a lot more
set backs like my psych mentioned today but I do somewhat feel that with
the support on here and the support from my psych I'll get there
eventually. She thinks it'll take a few years, but as long as I get there
in the end I'm happy. "

It's natural and normal to feel anxious and scared to let her in, and also
feel that she's the one you want to let in. I've had a similar process with
feeling so scared and anxious yet feeling like my psych was the one I
wanted to trust. I wanted to say that with time and work it does happen.
And everyone works at a different pace, and I admire that you're able to
see that now. You've made some fabulous, fantastic and difficult steps
forward and I hope that you're feeling some amount of positive feelings
around this. Heart

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart


Re: Not sure what to do

Thankyou @Bee ❤

Do you have any tips on how to make it easier to let her in? Cause I'm really trying but it's like everytime I come close I freak out and shut off again.. I struggled a bit this week and think it's cause I didn't have anything written down so am thinking that will be one way that's going to help push me 🤞


And thanks heaps for your message the other day too @Alison5 ❤

My account did that same thing where it told me you responded but it wouldn't show me your message till now.. 😔 But it was so nice to read and made me feel more comfortable about my letter being so long so thankyou! 


I do have a question for you guys.. I saw this flyer at uni about a group thing they are running to help people with social anxiety (one of the many things I struggle with) and I have been thinking about putting my name down for it for a while but the idea of it freaks me out. I know it'll probably be good for me but I also don't know if I'm ready for that kind of thing just yet. Especially with how intense my anxiety has been lately. I also mentioned it to my psych while we were booking my appointment for next week and she said she'd forgotten to ask me about it that day but wanted to see if I'd be interested in doing it. She told me she is actually the one running it and wants to chat to me about it next week. I'm not sure how I feel about it though.. I was already really anxious about it and now that I know it's her running it I feel even more anxious for some reason. Like I am kind of relieved because she knows where I'm at and I'll feel safe with her being there but I'm also scared she is going to be there?! 


Have any of you guys ever done group therapy type work? And if so, what did you think if it? 


Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95,

I think that’s great you are even considering the group session. It shows great initiative from your part. I’ve done a few different types of sessions in groups and I think it helps to hear the perspectives of others and it also demonstrates that you’re definitely not alone in the way you’re feeling.

I understand how it might be worse knowing that your psych is running the session, but given this is your first group session, I think it will be great for you! And you’re right - she knows you and she will be there to keep you feeling safe.

I would say definitely go for it. You can always just give it a go and then decide later not to return. I guess you won’t know unless you try.
And I’ve never found them unhelpful, even if it is just to hear a few people’s ideas.

Let us know what you’re thinking. 👍🏼💜

Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Alison5!

There's a part inside of me that really wants to do it because she wants to find some like minded people who I can potentially share real stuff with. But then the other me is terrified because I don't want anyone to know I'm going and I'm scared I might run into someone I know. I know the uni is huge and it's highly unlikely because I don't really know anyone there but it just freaks me out. 


I also know I'll just pretend everything is fine when I'm there and hide my shit to help others instead, it always happens when I meet people. I act like I am completely normal and mentally stable/healthy. Like this weird survival confidence comes out in me when I know someone else is struggling. I just forget my own shit and make friends with them really quickly because I don't like that they are alone or finding things hard so want to help them. When really, I need just as much help? But I'll never let them know that. If that makes any sense? 😂 So I'm also kind of worried that that instinct will kick in and my psych will think I'm fine in social situations which 200% is not the case! It's hard to explain.. but if I know someone is just as 'unstable' or alone or whatever as me, it's like this strength comes out of me from nowhere to hide my own anxieties and help them instead? Like if we did this with my class at uni, I'd 100% not attend because I'd be far too anxious. Whereas this is different because I know the people attending will need help? I really don't know if that makes any sense.. 🙃


I'm going to chat with my psych about it next week and see what she thinks. The flyers did say we had to commit to all the sessions which freaks me out. I think there was only like 5 but even then it scares me because I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for it just yet but I really don't want to let my psych down if I bail. Cause bailing is my thing 😂 


Did you ever form friendships from the group therapies you attended? Like I don't even know if this is classified as a therapy? I'm not sure.. it's just a group of up to 12 people and we are going to learn to deal with social anxieties and meet new people etc? Idk. I'm hoping my psych will explain it all to me next week because I feel like I really need to prepare myself for it.


Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 , how are you doing today? 


I can totally understand feeling a bit nervous about doing a group program, it's a really different type of therapy - it sounds like it could be really awesome for you though! Group programs can have so many benefits, especially when they're run by a skilled facilitator. The most important thing in my opinion is for it to feel like a really safe space, what you've said here makes perfect sense to me. Do you think you'd feel comfortable sharing these thoughts with your psych, maybe even in an email? You write so well, maybe that could be an easy way of getting those thoughts out. 


Good luck with it, let us know how you go! 


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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Janine-RO. I think writing is definitely the way to go for me because I noticed a huge difference with being able to let my psych know how I'm really feeling and for her to actually understand. So I will definately try it on Thursday at my next appointment because there's quite a few things I want to talk to her about. I feel like my mind is so full at the moment and I just need to let it all out. I'm trying so hard to let her in and I think writing helps break some barriers for me. Because I do feel really safe with her, I just have to get out of my own head and stop trying to run away from her and just accept the help. I'm very slowly starting to realise she does want to help me and isn't going to just leave me. 


Have you ever been part of or run a group session yourself? If so what did you think of it? And how did you know it was something you were ready to do? Or any suggestions on how I might be able to tell if I'm ready? 


Also, you can probably tell from my message but I'm feeling quite a bit more open and positive today. I'm trying to be anyway! Even took myself for a walk by the river and found that really helped 😊


Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 


When there's heaps of things going on and your mind is busy it can be such a relief to get it all down on paper. It's nice to see you say that you're beginning to realise that your therapist does care about you - from what you've said about her, I would agree with you. It takes time to feel safe though and that's totally okay. 


Glad to hear that your walk by the river lifted your spirits. Have you got anything nice planned for the weekend?