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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  I haven’t done EMDR but I have a friend who has and said it was intense but it did work and was the only thing that helped with their trauma issues. It can be super hard to trust new people and to trust anyone in general but I guess it comes down to doing the things that will help. Still it is always good to build trust first before starting anything intense and there isn’t a rush to doing these things. I waited a few years to do DBT because I wanted to make sure I was doing it when I was in the right headspace to be open enough to it because I didn’t want to not have it work because I wasn’t in the right space to process the information I wanted to give it my best shot and for me that was the right thing to do but it really depends on the person. Also I guess for me I try not to get attached to psychs they aren’t my friend and they aren’t family and even though they want you to feel comfortable enough to open up they are doing a job and it is strictly business and for me getting too attached just makes things more difficult plus if they leave it can make it very hard to start again. But that is just my style. 

 

I am studying a Bachelor of Arts the psychiatrist is the same as before and they are ok they are just not able to do much at times it is hard. Idk it is complicated. 

 

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  Yeah I get it and sometimes it is the person but it is hard I just don’t find making lists of things I can do tonight to be helpful and that is usually where they go to to try and help and like I already know what I could be doing but that isn’t why I call. Helplines are complicated but they aren’t for everyone they can be great for some people but I am not one of them. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Yeah it sounds like I'd be the exact same as you with the helplines @Eden1717. Who knows, I might try them one day but at the moment I just feel like it'll make me worse which I can't afford cause this is bad enough. Thanks so much for this chat by the way, it's been so nice to talk and a lovely distraction so thanks! I really do appreciate it and all your advice!! 

 

I'm glad to hear it worked for your friend. Do you know if he/she tried talking about it first or just went straight into EMDR? Although I guess if you said it's the only thing that worked then they'd tried talk therapy in the past and it hadn't worked? Idk, just wondering cause my psych knows how much I struggle to talk so she thinks it will be good for me so I don't have to physically talk about it. But at the same time I almost feel like that's what I need? I've held it all in for years because I've been so scared to talk about it and not sure how and kind of feeling like I need to? Idk. It's weird. Just unsure about how I feel about the whole EMDR thing. We aren't going to try it till we are back face to face obviously so I have a good while to think about it. 

 

As for not getting attached to your psychs. Do you have some tips? Lol I mean it's probably too late for me now.. I have SERIOUS attachment issues. And my psych knows it and tries to work with it which I apprecite but I do just wish I could switch it off. Like I worry about her all the time and I cry whenever I bloody see or talk to her atm cause I miss her and whenever something happens she's the first I want to run too. I know how rediculous it is but I honestly can't help it. Like even when I'm at uni I have to try so hard to not go into her office to make sure she's there and she's okay. It's so weird and I hate that I'm like it but I just don't know how not to be? If you have any tips I'd love to hear them cause man I SUCK when it comes to getting attached to people 🙃 

 

I remember now! Are you looking forward to going back? And I'm sorry about the paychiatrist 😔

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Re: Not sure what to do

It's really nice to see the support and conversation that's occurring in this thread. It's also quite interesting from my perspective to hear your thoughts on CBT and helplines, because I'll be learning about CBT in my course soon and I work in a helpline space. I think person-centered and compassionate support is really important and it's unfortunate that you feel you haven't always received that from helplines. I agree about feeling heard - it is so important. I've also heard that EMDR is quite effective in treating trauma, and I can see why your psych would think it might be well-suited to you given that you struggle to open up. But it sounds like really want to express yourself, feel heard, and vebally acknowledge what's gone on for you before trying EDMR - it's great that you recognise that.

 

In terms of attachment - tricky question. Perhaps @Eden1717 can help you with some tips on that. I did notice that you said you often want to check that your psychologist is okay...do you tend to worry that s/he's not okay? Or do you mean you like the idea of checking in and seeing how s/he's going?

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  the friend had been in therapy for a while before that and tried a few other things. Any therapy is going to work differently for different people and it is more about finding one that works for you so if it seems like it sounds like it would be helpful then it might be worth a try. 

 

As for attachment that is a hard one idk I just never get attached to begin with like I find there are some professionals I find easier to work with and some I find that are easy to talk to or get where I am coming from better than others but over all I never really get attached. Like to me I see them as doing a job the same way I would see a sales man/woman or a lawyer or a taxi driver sure they are helping you get something you need/want and they might be nice to do business with but they aren’t your friend and they aren’t your family and at the end of the day they are doing a job and getting paid. Their time is connected to money which to me makes it much easier to disconnect and that doesn’t mean they don’t care about you in a sense that they care about your outcomes but it is a job and it will never be the same a having a friend or family where there are no strings attached to the relationship. Also something for me that reminds me that it isn’t like s friend relationship is that I never know anything about who they are as a person they know an awful lot about me but I never know more than the basics about them. I might know some things here and there but I don’t know what food they like, what their favorite color is, what music they are into, what movies they watch or anything that I would know about a friend or family member. They also might have a completely different personality to the one they have when they talk to me because essentially a psychologist isn’t a “real person” they have to be a certain way to facilitate the things they need to in therapy but that doesn’t mean they are like that irl.

 

To me I don’t see that there is a genuine attachment if the main currency in the relationship is money and if I don’t know as much about the other person as they know about me. Don’t get me wrong I am not saying they don’t care or are heartless robots but it is a job at the end of the day and they can’t be there for you in the same way that a real friend could even if they wanted to be it wouldn’t be ethical they can’t be your friend and for me that makes it easier to remind myself that I don’t need to attach that way because it isn’t real if that makes sense. Idk there isn’t a right or wrong way but for me I just like to keep things strictly business. 

 

The private psychiatrist i have isn’t bad I just haven’t been able to have a proper conversation with them for a few months. I am not sure how I feel about uni yet I am nervous but I guess I am hoping it will give me something to take up more of my time but it will all be online and that is not a good option for me so idk. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Yeah it's not that I don't agree with CBT or helplines @Maddy-RO, I just find neither of them really work for me. I think it's just a personal thing for everyone. I wasn't going to, but I did actually end up attempting to call lifeline last night cause things just became too much for me and I decided I really needed to talk to someone. I hung up as soon as it got through the questions and started calling though cause I freaked lol They definately aren't for me. So I ended up emailing my psych at 2am instead and found that really helped just knowing I had told her some of what was going on and I'd be talking to her today. 

 

Idk. I guess it's a bit of both? I genuinely care about her and want to know how she is doing and if she is okay, especially during these times when I'm sure COVID19 is also causing her stress yet she has to listen to everyone elses shit on top of it. I just hope she is looking after herself I guess and wish I could help her in some way too? Idk. I prefer to be the one looking out for people than being on the receiving end.. 

 

And then I also get really weird and have this urge to go and see her whenever I'm at uni to make sure she is also here and okay. It's hard to explain. I used to be like it with a teacher when I was younger.. it was like I couldn't go about my day as usual unless I knew she was at school? I guess it just made me feel relieved and safe that they were there? Idk. I know it sounds so stupid!!! 

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Thanks for sharing all of that @Eden1717! I totally get where you're coming from. And I do try and disconnect from them sometimes and not be so attached but it is extremely hard for me for some reason. I guess because I also don't pay for my sessions (they are free with uni) it makes it feel less like a business situation? Idk, I feel like I might see it a little differently if I had to pay maybe? 

 

I also HATE that I don't know anything about my psych!!! Like it drives me crazy and is one of the reasons it's taken me so long to open up to her. It just makes me uncomfortable that she gets to know me but I don't get to know her? In a way I think it's just cruel. Like I totally get why but idk, sometimes I just wish I knew some things about her!! Like is that weird? I don't mean it in a creepy way.. I'm just someone who is genuinely interested in other people and getting to know who they are so it's something I find real hard. I could also see us being 'friends' if we hadn't met this way which SUCKS and I guess kind of upsets me? Idk. It's weird. And super uncomfortable to talk about cause it makes me feel like I'm obsessed with her or some shit?! 🙃 

 

I totally get it about uni being online! This semester has been brutal!! I'm also NOT an online learner so am considering dropping to part time or even dropping out for next semester if we stay online. I just can't do it!! 

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Re: Not sure what to do

That is a shame to hear that you don't find CBT or helplines to be helpful @MB95. I definitely agree with Eden1717 as therapy is very unique, and things that might be helpful for one person may not always be as helpful for the next person. But it sounds like you find seeing your psychologist to be helpful, so maybe the therapy style that you are engaging in with her suits you Smiley Happy . It sounds like you have a caring relationship with your psychologists, it is good to hear that you feel comfortable talking with her about how you are feeling.

I understand what you mean when you say you want to learn more about your psychologist. I don't think that this makes you creepy at all! I think that its quite natural to want to connect on a personal level with others when we have conversations with them. Things can be a bit complicated when it is your psychologist that you are having these conversations with as they do have some guidelines around personal sharing that they have to stick to. So it's not necessarily that she doesn't want to share with you, its probably more than she is restricted with what she can share. Hopefully that makes you feel a bit better about them being a bit private !
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Re: Not sure what to do

Yeah I get it @Sophia-RO, and I understand they are in place to keep us safe. Probably especially for people like me who do have serious attachment issues. I just don't like it at all! Like the psych I spoke to today (my back up one for when mine isn't available) is always so much more open with me. I don't know. Like she is younger and tries to use things from her personal life to relate to me which I do appreciate and sometimes I just wish my own psych would do the same. Maybe it's because I'm not my back ups client, I don't know. She might be different with her actual clients. But when I talk to her it's like talking to a friend and sometimes less scary? It's weird! I have noticed my psych is slowly dropping a few things about her into conversation which I really appreciate because it makes me feel so much more comfortable and trusting of her! Like I know it is probably ridiculous but I legit just want to ask her to tell me 10 facts about her. I just feel like it would help me connect better to her cause I feel like I'm so damn close to wanting to just completely open up to her but because I know nothing about her I am scared to tell her the most vulnerable things about me? I'm not sure if that makes sense? I just usually won't open up to anyone unless they open up to me first..

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  it isn’t creepy. Yeah it can be hard but idk I prefer not to know so much that is just me personally but maybe that is cause I am always scared of the psychologists. Yeah online uni is so hard I can never focus and I always do badly at online stuff.