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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  Sorry you aren’t feeling good I hope you can have a relaxing night tonight. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Heyy @MB95, just letting you know we're here for you and I hope you're doing okay
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Re: Not sure what to do

Hey guys 👋

I haven't been doing too well this past week and the weekend was really not a good time. I had to contact KHL a couple times cause I wasn't feeling safe. I really wanted to come on here but knew it wouldn't end well and I'd struggle sticking to the guidelines cause I'm often not thinking properly when I'm like that.. 

I'm feeling a bit better today though and have managed to shut off everything and get part of my assignment done which has helped a bit. 

But I'm just tired and don't really feel anything? It's hard to explain. I'm safe now so it's all good. I have an appointment with my psych in a couple days and not sure if I should tell her any of this or just leave it? Like I feel like I'm slowly starting to feel a little better but came pretty close on the weekend so idk if I should be telling someone? Idk. I don't wanna worry anyone or make her angry at me so I don't think I will say anything but a small part of me is thinking maybe I need to tell someone at least? I just don't know who. Like part of me feels like I'll be fine but the other part of me isn't so sure cause I scared myself on the weekend and I'm home alone for the week now so idk. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @MB95 👋

I'm sorry to hear that your week hasn't been going so well. It was good of you to call KHL, you're doing great at reaching out for the support that you need as far as I can tell! I'm glad you're feeling better today, and it's nice to see you here. Good job on your assignment too! Smiley Very Happy

It can be hard telling someone about tough times you've been going through, but with the right people it's usually very much worth it. I found when I told my therapist about things like that she never reacted in the ways I was worried she might. I mean that's kind of a big part of her job, to react to what her clients tell her in a way that helps them. Do you reckon the case could be the same with your psych?

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @squiggly ❤

Yeah, like she's usually really good and I'd normally tell her things (well write it and give it to her) but I just don't know if there's much point and I really don't wanna let her down. We just dropped to fortnightly and this was our first time so I wanted to try show her I could do it? And if I tell her I feel like I'm proving the complete opposite? Idk. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

That's really brave of you to reach out to KHL when you needed it! I'm really proud of you for that Smiley Happy Hm as for telling your psych it's up to you. Do you think not telling her would invalidate your suffering?

I'm sorry to hear you've been having such a crappy time lately and that you're getting scared of yourself. It sounds really frightening and overwhelming... Is there anything we can do to help?
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Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 , I'm really sorry to hear that the weekend was a tough one. I do have to say that I think it showed so much strength to contact KHL when you weren't feeling safe, I know that can be incredibly hard. I can totally understand feeling a bit numb and exhausted now, a weekend like that would take a lot out of you. 

 

For what it's worth, I think your psych would probably be glad to hear about what was happening for you - from what you've said, opening up like that can be pretty hard for you sometimes, so I think your psych would be the opposite of angry if you told her. Especially with a week home along coming up, it might be a good opportunity to chat through ways to cope if you're feeling like that again, and add a bit more to your toolkit if needed... what do you think? Really glad to hear you're going better today 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5 & @Janine-RO. I don't really know what I need atm. I can't really think much cause I'm really tired now. You do make a point about feeling invalidated though @Lost_Space_Explorer5 cause I guess I will feel pretty shit if I pretend to her like I'm okay when I'm not. Idk. I just don't really know how to tell her? Like 'oh yeah btw, I had a plan to kill myself on the weekend but I'm fine'. There's no way she'll believe me and it makes me feel like such a failure not following through with it. Idk. Anyway it's all good. Idk how much more we could add to my safety plan @Janine-RO, like it's a decent list and I actually pulled it out with a person from KHL but I had no energy to do half the stuff and the stuff I did try didn't exactly work. I think I just get to a point where my feelings are too strong to deal with that I just need to try and make myself sleep to avoid them if that makes sense? Idk. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

hey @MB95,

 

I hope it's okay that I'm jumping in here. I can really understand why you would struggle to figure out how to speak about this with your psych, but I think something that's important for us to keep in mind too is that psychs are generally more used to people talking about difficult stuff like suicide with them, and that if you tell her what you've been telling us ("I was feeling really suicidal over the weekend but I reached out for help and have a safety plan"), you would probably get a similar reaction as well: that we're really glad you were able to talk about what's going on and find ways to manage these really difficult feelings, since it takes a lot of strength to do so.

 

It sounds like that right now you're feeling really worn out above all @MB95, which is really understandable given what you've been through. Maybe it would be good to think about things again once you've have some time and space, but right now just focusing on getting some rest.

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Re: Not sure what to do

Mm I thought that might be how you would feel if you went without mentioning it @MB95. Could you say something like "my thoughts got pretty dark on the weekend but I got through it". I feel you with the sleep for driving away the thoughts Smiley Sad I hope sleeping helps a bit, it sounds like you need a break from your thoughts