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Re: Not sure what to do

I was just on my way to have a chat with the office guy @Taylor-RO cause sometimes I find it helps but I saw my back up psych in the car park and that was me done. Pathetic, I know. But I just wanted to be alone cause I knew if I went to see him after that I'd just breakdown and that would be so awkward for him. I want to make an appointment with her but can't cause she is in a different role atm. It sucks but I'm also trying to prove to myself I can do this without them!! I guess maybe I'm more aware? Like I never really used to notice until it was too late. But at the same time, it's like everything triggers me atm? I never used to be like this. I used to be so good at being on my own and ignoring shit and hiding it from others whereas since seeing her it's like I've lost all my strength? Idk. It's so hard to explain. 

 

Idk @Lost_Space_Explorer5. I feel like I'm too sensitive and need to grow up! Like I'm meant to be an adult, yet I feel like a child that needs it's mum all the damn time? (It's mum being it's psych or some kind of support). It just makes me feel pathetic. I will sometimes try and acknowledge it but I can't seem to accept it. I feel like I need to grow up and get over everything, I just don't know how and it's driving me insane!!!!! Sorry. I'm just really annoyed at myself. I thought today was going to be different but the most stupid thing triggered me and it was like I just instantly wanted to not be here anymore? And I know how rediculous that is but yeah. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Heya @MB95 , how are you doing today? Honestly, you don't sound pathetic at all - and for what it's worth, I think it actually takes a massive amount of strength to be vulnerable and work through your stuff...you always show so much compassion and empathy towards everyone here, but it can be so hard to be compassionate towards ourselves sometimes I know. Do you think you'll go into uni today? 

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Check out our community activities calendar for November 2020 here
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Re: Not sure what to do

Aw @MB95 just read your message and it has made my day. It is such a pleasure to be there for you when things are tough. Hope you're doing okay today Heart 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Janine-RO. It's so hard to not feel like a child for needing support. Idk. I just feel stupid. Even on here, most people are younger than me and giving me advice when it should be the other way round. Idk. I just feel useless. I've actually just made it to uni now so going to try my hardest to suck it up and go see the admin dude cause I feel like I just need to see someone in person atm just scared it won't end well. But I'm feeling a little stronger today so I guess I have that in my corner!

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Bre-RO ❤

It REALLY helped having someone there when I don't have access to my supports atm so I really do appreciate it. I feel like I'm slowly getting there - hoping to try see the admin dude today if I can work up the courage. Just hella fragile and don't want it to trigger me. We'll see. But thanks again. Honestly, you guys are just INCREDIBLE and what you do saves lives, literally!!! So THANKYOU. ❤

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  you also have all of us and this community in your corner - I hope seeing the admin dude went well. You give so much amazing support to so many people here and you 100% deserve that back - and I'm *cough* a bit older than you, and I learn so much on this community all of the time. 

 

Excuse  the swears, but I do truly believe this

 

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Check out our community activities calendar for November 2020 here
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Re: Not sure what to do

Awh it's really nice you're finding the forum a safe and supportive place @MB95. And we can learn things regardless of age! We're always learning. If we refuse to learn from those younger than us how would we every learn new things?! How was your day today?
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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Janine-RO ❤

 

I went and said hello to him but it was very awkward and very quick cause I instantly felt sick and couldn't stop shaking. I didn't know what to say and was really shut off which made it hard for him to make convo like normal. I felt really terrible about it but I was just trying really hard not to lose it all together and breakdown in front of him. I think he could tell but idk, I just feel really rude and like I need to apologise for not being very chatty like I normally am with him. I think it was all just a bit much and a reminder that I was so close to people who could help but felt so far away if that makes any sense? It also reminds me of how much I miss seeing my psych but anyway. It was tough and took me a bit to calm down and get over but I'm glad I did it, kinda lol I was meant to go back thismorning cause I booked a room with them where I can study without distractions but I struggled getting out of bed and kinda really nervous to go back after yesterday cause I feel so stupid. Anyway, it's nothing, I'll work it out! Just needed to get it off my chest. I really should start journalling again 🙃

 

And I totally get what you're saying @Lost_Space_Explorer5. Like I have no problems learning from younger people, and actually quite enjoy it but for some reason when it comes to MH I feel like I should be the emotionally stable one cause I'm older and I shouldn't be sharing my problems with people who are younger than me? Idk. You guys should be coming to me? It just makes me feel incapable. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Aw that sounds tough @MB95 , but good on you for pushing through and going there even though it was hard. Do you think you'll go in today at all? 

 

I don't know about you, but I know I used to beat myself up massively about mental health stuff-  I think that can be really common - and I think a lot of us have ages in our heads where we feel like we should have all of our shit together. But  it's actually a lot harder to do the work, than it is to cruise along pretending everything is fine and never examining anything, in my opinion anyway! And I think you actually help more people than you realise by opening up about what's happening for you Heart 

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Check out our community activities calendar for November 2020 here
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Re: Not sure what to do

Nah that's defs not true, I know plenty of older people who could benefit from other's advice on mental health! No one knows everything Smiley Tongue Journaling sounds like a great idea