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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95 I'm happy to hear that you're feeling supported here Heart

I have felt as though others' wouldn't want to hang out with me for different reasons. I guess something I've been mindful of is to try and figure out their views and opinions on different things before I disclose xyz about myself Smiley Happy

I'm happy to answer a couple of questions Smiley Happy
I do a bit of both. Basically it's whatever feels comfortable about that topic. Sometimes it's easier for me to type it all out and then have her ask questions in session. And I'll purposely put in details that I know I would find very hard to physically express in session. I start by writing her name which tells my brain who it's for and then it just flows. Sometimes I'll write something and I feel better by writing and I don't feel like I need to share it and that's okay too.
Handing them over or emailing them through was something that I found quite difficult to begin with aswell. I guess ultimately handing her the letter or emailing it through was easier than reading it out loud. We took it in baby steps, she would read them in session to herself, sometimes out loud, it just depended on how I felt. And after a bit, I have been able to become more vocal in our sessions and not entirely rely on the written form to communicate with her.

Yes, I have felt urges to self-harm and have felt suicidal in the past. When I was at my worst with self-harm and suicidal thoughts I was actually seeing someone different, a mental health nurse who I had contact with on nearly a daily basis. It was what they called "Crisis care" which is linked to the public system of mental health. At first, when I was starting to disclose those thoughts it was quite difficult and I found that it was actually easier for me to nod or indicate yes to the question of it than outright saying it at first. Of course, as I talked about it more, the easier it felt to discuss with my mental health nurse at the time.

I know it feels really hard, but others have said mental health professionals are used to hearing about these things. One thing that helped me was when my current psych told me that whenever I come into the session I need to try and not think about how she feels or thinks about something - that she is able to manage her own thoughts and feelings and is there to help me with mine. Sure she is human too and will feel sympathy towards what I'm saying. But trusting that she can hold herself together to enable me to share how I'm feeling was one of the most helpful things she shared with me.

I hope this makes sense.
(I haven't properly read the rest of the thread, I've skimmed through a few posts, but otherwise, I'm just going on what I've read and remember thus far Smiley Happy )


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks for answering my questions @Bee ❤

 

It's awesome to hear you are able to be more vocal with your psychologist now - I think that's so brave and only hope that I have that kind of courage one day. I wrote something out for my last session but when it came to the session I felt silly and couldn't work up the courage to give it to her. She mentioned something which got me on the topic and I told her I'd written something out for her but she didn't take it right then and there so then I felt stupid and didn't know how to bring it up again and give it to her later.. do you have any suggestions on how I could bring it up with her? Like how did you let your therapist know you had stuff you wanted her to read? (I'm not sure email is an option for me.. I haven't actually asked but I just get the feeling it's not). 

 

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me, I really do appreciate ❤ It makes me feel less alone to know others have/are feeling the same way. It sucks, but at least we aren't the only ones going through it I guess. I also LOVE what your psych told you! She sounds amazing and really supportive of you which is awesome! Just wondering how you managed to get yourself to trust what she had said and that she can look after herself? Like I get their in that job for a reason but idk, I just constantly worry about how I'm gonna make my psych feel if I open up properly? 

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Re: Not sure what to do

hey @MB95 im sorry I haven't been online for a few days but it looks like lots of our lovely members have shared experiences with you. I can also relate to heaps of what you have said too.

How are you going today?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**
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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  Maybe could you tell the psychologist you are really struggling to open up and that you have a letter that you want her to read sometimes you have to be direct with psychs...

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Re: Not sure what to do

It's lovely to hear from you @scared01 😊 But please don't be sorry!! I get that everyone is busy and has their own shit going on!! I hope you're doing okay and I'm also here if you ever need someone to talk too ❤

 

I'm pretty up and down at the moment. Trying to push through shit and look at things more positively but holey shit it's hard when you're feeling so down and alone hey?! I've picked up a heap of shifts at work which I'm using as a nice distraction at the moment and a reason to get out of the house otherwise I just spend most of my day in bed cause I'm too tired not too. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Eden1717 😊

I'm not very good at being direct but I know I need to try something because at the moment I feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I did have something written out the other day to explain how I'm really struggling to tell her shit but obviously wasn't direct enough with her about it because she didn't ask to see it and then I felt stupid about wanting to bring it up again and give it to her.. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  That is hard I used to write letters to my psych a lot because I couldn’t talk to them anyway sometimes it would be so hard to get them to just read the darn letter like they would say they wanted to talk first or they would ignore the letter that I had in my hand and sometimes they don’t want to read it because they want to see you when you tell them stuff like to see reactions which I get but I was never going to tell them anything if it had to be through physically talking so I ended up having to say can you just read this and ask me questions after or really be direct and say that it was important. But even then I would find some of them would skim read and then ask me a question which I literally answered in the letter and it gets so annoying. But anyway I would try being more direct with the letter part then you don’t have to be with the other stuff like picking the less difficult option. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95 thank you Heart It took some hard work and a great deal of trust in my psychologist but it happened. I am sure that one day you will feel ready and confident enough to trust your psych too Heart

Ah that sounds frustrating that you weren't able to bring it up afterward. That can definitely feel pretty sucky hey?
When it was new for me it was so much easier to say it at the start of the session and give it to her then, because then I couldn't talk myself out of it. I often still write things and don't decide until right before the session I want to share with her, and that's okay too. In that instance sometimes it is easier for me to bring it up at the start and say it's something I want to focus on a bit later in the session.

Ultimately, it can be scary to say "hey I've written this and I want you to read it now". I completely understand how that can be so intimidating. Maybe you could say that you've written some stuff down because it's hard for you to verbally get it out and really need them to read it properly in session. I hear that being assertive feels difficult and I get it, but please know that each time you try, whether or not you get the desired outcome, you are making progress, because you are challenging that part of you that finds sharing and opening up difficult.

You are absolutely welcome, reading others' experiences is something which helped me immensely so I'm glad you appreciate it Heart
That is actually a really interesting question about how I let myself trust my psychologist that she could manage her own emotions and look after herself in session. For me, it was said at a time when I'd already done a bit of work with her and I had the ability to be able to look back on past sessions and realise that what she was saying was true. I know for me when I was starting my journey, hearing that others' could trust their psychs and be totally open with them and still continue to go back, it gave me hope that one day I'd get there too. I guess my biggest piece of advice would be to take it bit by bit, you may not be able to open up as quick as you would like, I believe that this would be linked to your personal experiences as to how quickly you can learn to trust someone. But to acknowledge when you make a step no matter how small. Even if it's something as simple as managing to look at your psych in the eye for 5 seconds. Or you felt a tiny bit less anxious inside yourself. Each of these tiny little steps means you are making progress. And I wish that someone had said that to me when I first started seeing someone face to face, as it would probably have helped. I hope this helps Heart


@Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear you haven't had a great experience with being able to share things written down to your psych. I can imagine how frustrating it would be to have them skim over it and then ask questions you've already answered.


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Eden1717 ❤

I have my last session on Wednesday for the year so will try my best to be a bit more direct with it and hopefully get some stuff out 🤞

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Bee ❤ I'm hoping so!! It's been half a year but I feel like I'm FINALLY starting to feel alot more comfortable with her and trust she isn't going to abandon me. Like I do feel safe talking to her and know she is the right person for me 100% but my biggest fear is her not wanting to work with me anymore. But I feel like we are finally making progress with it and that once I'm convinced she is willing to see me till the end I'll open up and let her in and everything will just flow from there... hopefully!! 🤞

 

It was definitely frustrating not being able to find the courage to bring it up again and give her the letter because I did want to give it to her. So I'm going to take your advice on board and bring it up right at the beginning and hand it to her first thing so I don't have to worry about trying to bring it up while talking about other shit. 

 

You seriously are full of the best advice!! 😍 I always love receiving your replies because you just seem to know what to say and how to relate! I hadn't really thought about the whole eye contact or nervousness during sessions before.. I know I can't look her in the eye when she brings up serious stuff. If it's general talk I'm often fine but if it's about me and something personal I can never seem to look at her. But I have noticed I'm starting to fidget a little less and feel a bit calmer and hadn't really thought of that as making progress before so thanks for that - it's a nice way to look at it. That despite having panic attacks and shit still (often before seeing her), I'm starting to be able to keep myself relatively calm during sessions where I used to be so tense and not be able to sit still. So that advice definitely helps!!! I've been feeling pretty shitty and like we aren't really getting anywhere cause I'm struggling to open up, but hearing your advice and relating it to my situation now makes me feel like I am making progress, even if it is only a little..