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Re: Not sure what to do

Hi @MB95 
I am really glad to hear that you are feeling more comfortable with your psych, and that you are recognizing your progress and feeling calmer, that is not an easy thing to do. I am really happy to hear that you have had so much support here on the forums Heart

Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95 that's awesome! I too felt that my psychologist was the right person for me soon after meeting her! Smiley Happy 

It's a valid fear, it can be so hard to put yourself in such a vulnerable place and open up to someone the way we do with mental health professionals. I wonder when you're feeling able to speak to her a bit more, if you'd be open to talking about these fears with her?


I'm keen to see how you go with bringing the writing up at the start. Can you let me know? Smiley Happy


"You seriously are full of the best advice!! 😍 I always love receiving your replies because you just seem to know what to say and how to relate!" 

This made me smile so much! Heart It made my day!

I fidget ALLL the time in my psychologist sessions, and then I tried actually bringing something to fidget with and I noticed that because I was doing something with my hands, I didn't feel as anxious to talk to her. I use tangles (see images below) My last session I combined these two and made a long one and my psych was wondering how it was so long ahaha



I was so similar when I started, I had a mental health nurse tell me that she noticed a huge difference in me when we talked about everyday things to tougher things. And it was a tough barrier to break, but once I did it was a relief to realise I could trust myself to talk about the tough stuff in person Smiley Happy


You're welcome, one thing that I've learnt that sometimes breaking it down and looking at the smaller wins can be so powerful in terms of recovery and feeling empowered. I'm glad I've been helpful Heart 

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Claire-RO - it has a lot to do with talking to people on this forum so I'm so thankful it exists. It's just nice to be able to talk to people about things and receive their support cause trying to open up and trust people has never been a strong point for me but I'm slowly learning my psychologist is there to help and it's all thanks to this community of amazing people 😊

Re: Not sure what to do

It's such an amazing feeling hey @Bee ? Realising that you've finally found the right professional supports 😊 I've just gotta talk myself through the fear of letting her in and then hopefully things will really start to change. She's talked about wanting to work with me next year on some of the traumas she thinks I've experienced and that kinda freaks me out BIG TIME!!! It's like she already knows me, yet I've barely told her anything?! I did manage to give her a list a few weeks back of things I want to work on but idk, I didn't think any of it was 'traumatic'. Like people have definitely been through a lot worse than me that's for sure!!! And I do try my best to talk to her about the fears I have with brining shit up but it's so hard. I often get some words or sentences out and then she finishes them off for me or gives me options to choose from about how I might be feeling because I often can't think clearly or put things into words. Which is why I'm going to try my best to use your writing technique and give it to her first thing at our last session on Wednesday! So I'll definitely let you know how it goes - thanks heaps for caring ❤


I'm glad it made you smile because it's the truth and I just want you to know how much your support and messages mean to me. They encourage me to see things differently so thankyou 😊


Those tangles look really cool!! Where did you get them from? I often wear a ring so either play with that or occasionally snap the elastic on my wrist but also feel weird doing that in front of her. I was doing it the other day without even realising until I realised she looked down at my hands quickly before asking me what had me so on edge. It's so annoying and I just want to feel calm while I'm talking to her but sometimes it's just so hard!!!


Do you ever find yourself zoning out during sessions? Like, your psychologist might be talking and you're listening but nothing is going in? Like you're looking at her and her mouth is moving and she has your attention but you can't focus or take anything in that she's saying? And then when she asks you a question it's like you don't understand what she's asking? Even if it's such a simple question? It happens to me all the time and I'm just wondering if you've had a similar experience? Cause I don't want to come across as rude and have her think I'm not listening or I don't care because I really do, it's just like my brain is mush and I'm not in my body? 


I'm so glad to hear you were able to break down that barrier, I bet it felt amazing being able to trust yourself to be vulnerable and speak out about the tough shit. That's so brave of you and truly inspires me to want to be able to do the same!! You really seem like you know what you're talking about and that you have some great techniques in place. I'm sure it's been a long and hard journey but you should be so proud of yourself because I can definitely tell you've got the strength and determination within you!! 💪

Re: Not sure what to do

Oh god, sorry that's so long @Bee !! I have a bad habit of rambling when things are written 😔 That's one thing I've told myself, is that if I'm gonna write things out for my psychologist I need to try and keep them short cause she's not going to want to read a damn novel!!😂

Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95 it is a great feeling to be able to break down my barriers and be open/honest/comfortable with my psych. I'm glad you find my story and responses inspiring, this is something I hope for with my responses.

Hehe, don’t worry about the long posts, I tend to ramble on and on too! And I find that it’s super easy when you’re in a safe supportive place too. I do try to keep my writings short for my psych, although a couple of times she has been faced with a few pages of text – oops Smiley Tongue


Re: trauma, just because others' have gone through worse, it doesn't mean that the experience wasn't traumatic for you at the time.


I have experienced similar with my psych, where she would help provide me with some words to fill in the one I couldn't think of. For me, it was empowering because it showed me first-hand, she is really trying to help me and work through the stuff I need to. I look forward to hearing how your session goes Wednesday Smiley Happy


It's okay to feel anxious talking to your psych. It's not easy to put yourself in a vulnerable position and be so open about things. You're doing a great job! If moving the ring around or snapping the elastic band helps go for it Smiley Happy

Those two particular tangles I searched all over the web for because they are textured and metallic Smiley Tongue Sometimes Kmart has some, but mostly the smooth ones. But if you just google "tangle toy" you'll see heaps of places you can find them. I love them!


I think it shows a lot of strength that you don't want it to seem like your being rude when you zone out. Are you able to let her know what’s happening when this occurs?


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95,


I definitely get your worries around speaking to your psych. 
I’ve had many over the years and have definitely gotten better with the practice!


My current one of two years is actually leaving in a few weeks and whilst it’s sad and we got on and I could open up, I see it as a good opportunity to start fresh. There’s a clean slate that won’t be influenced by things I’ve said a long time ago that may not be relevant now. 

I think writing things is a great idea, especially if it’s hard to talk. Even if it’s just dot points!

What’s also really helpful but scary to do, is to actually tell them you’re nervous or unsure. They will likely talk a little more and ask specific questions that means you can just answer without over thinking it. 

I've gotten to the stage where I feel I can be open straight away. I just don’t have the worries I used to and I know it will all be confidential etc. 
Practice makes perfect!


Let us know how you go and what you found scary or hard. 

Re: Not sure what to do

Haha nice!! I feel like that will be me 😂 Maybe I'll have to write it out and then write it out a second time more briefly before giving it to her lol If you write out a decent amount @Bee, does your psych read it all during session? Or will she just skim it? Cause I'm not great and feel like if my psych didn't read it properly it'd leave me feeling really upset? Also, do you get really anxious while she is reading it? 


Thanks ❤ I guess I kind of understand that but then idk, sometimes I feel like I really don't have the right to be so upset and depressed because I have a pretty great family and am lucky in so many other ways? Idk, it's hard to explain. I just feel like I should be able to cope. 


I never thought of it as being empowering because I usually feel pretty dumb for not being able to answer what she's asked of me, but I do feel like she is truly listening when it happens because it's like she knows exactly what to say and exactly how I'm feeling. So that does feel good. Man you're awesome at looking at things from a different perspective and getting others to do the same without even realising it!! 


I'm gonna have a look tomorrow for some of those tangles cause I think they're awesome!! 😍 


And I'm going to try and tell her on Wednesday about the zoning out. God I have SO MUCH I want to talk to her about and no way am I going to get it out in 50min 😂 Especially when she is wanting to use the session to prepare me for going home. She's made up a workbook for me and wants to go through it all which I feel like is going to take up majority of our time! Which is fine, she's been trying to get to it for a few weeks but something else has always come up so I need to give her the time to go through it all with me I guess. Sometimes I just wish it was longer than 50min cause it's like I finally start to relax a little and then the session is over 😂

Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks heaps for your message @Alison5, I really appreciate you reaching out!! 😊


I think you are looking at the situation of your psych leaving in such an amazing way! I wish I had that bravery!! I've only been seeing mine for about 6 months and I'm already terrified and upset for the day when she either leaves or I have to finish my sessions. How do you do it? Like look at it in such a positive way? Idk. I'm pretty terrible when it comes to attachment so am already freaking out about the whole idea that one day I'll probably never see her again. Even just writing that last sentence makes my heart feel heavy. Have you ever felt this way? I just find it sad and think it absolutely sucks that we can't stay in touch with them when it's all over. Is your psych helping you with some strategies to adjust? Cause two years is a pretty long time!! 


Thanks - I have tried to let her know how hard I find it to talk and I think she's really picked up on it the last few weeks, especially when we touch on personal topics. I'm totally fine with general chit chat, still anxious but at least I can string words together. Whereas when it's about me then it's like it's a no go zone 😂 She does do majority of the talking and I usually just answer as best as I can. But I am trying my best to tell her when I'm uncomfortable. 


I think it's so amazing that you're able to be open straight away!! How long did it take you to work up to that if you don't mind me asking? 


And I will! Thanks for caring ❤

Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 


I hope you don't mind me popping in here. I've just been catching up on your thread and can see how much you are benefiting from the help you are receiving on here, which is great to see. I can see that you are extremely receptive to help, and that you're very insightful, which I think are two traits that will definitely help you tackle the obstacles you're facing. You should be very proud of yourself for seeking professional help and peer support - not everyone does!


It sounds like you're struggling to fully trust and open up to your therapist, which I think is very common. It takes me a super long time to trust people - like I only told my boyfriend about super personal stuff about 1.5 years into dating...and I speak to him multiple times every day, whereas you probably only see your therapist once a week. It makes sense to want to get to know the person (to a degree) before you make yourself totally vulnerable, which can be hard-ish to do when you only see them for 50 minutes a week, and for that time mostly speak about yourself. So yes, be patient with yourself, and I think as @Bee pointed out, it's good to focus on even the small improvements. For the most part, it sounds like you have great rapport with your therapist and I think in time you'll be extremely comfortable with her. Hang in there. Heart


Let us know how Wednesday's session goes Smiley Happy