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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  I dont normally get the choice to wait or not they just say i am not allowed to leave until the doctor has seen me and if i try and leave they call security. it is difficult to wait there though but the wait isnt the staffs fault so dont take them not coming after an hour and a half to mean they dont care just that the system is under a lot of pressure although i can understand it feels that way. the wait can make it worse but there isnt much anyone can do about it and for me at least even though i hate it often i am not able to be a functional human when i am there so i much prefer the staff there having to deal with me than my family although not some of the staff but that is another matter. i am glad you spoke to your psychologist even if it was difficult having the conversation on the phone. hopefully you can go face to face again soon. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

I really do appreciate you sharing with me @Eden1717

 

I thought I was starting to feel better today but everything has started again and I don't know what to do. I just want this all to be over. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with conflict and bullying? I'm trying so hard to not let it get to me but it's making me so sick and I don't know how to cope with it. People keep telling me not to listen to it and are trying to tell me I'm a good person but I can't get them out of my head and it's really upsetting me. I just want this all to be over. I really thought it would stop. And I don't even know if it's just geting to me more cause I'm already not okay and struggling? So then I worry that I'm overreacting and need to toughen up a bit more. Idk. I just feel really yuck and uneasy. If anyone has ideas about how to deal with conflict/bullying please so share cause I'm at a loss atm!!! 

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  is it something specific to do with conflict? you dont have to say it is just hard for me to think of suggestions if i am unsure of the situation but generally with bullying I tend to ignore it because there is no point fighting with someone who is already not playing fair. for other conflict if the person is approachable i might try and sit down and have an honest conversation with them and try and come to a compromise..... idk if that helps at all but you dont have to feel bad about feeling bad. your feelings are valid. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Eden1717 I also just ignore it. Like I don't retaliate cause I know that's what they want but I just don't know how to not take on what their saying when it's hurtful? Idk. It's my stupid immature housemates. I did try and sit and have an open conversation with one of them but it got heated cause she wouldn't hear me out and just kept talking over me so I got up and left (that was last week). And now out of spite the other one won't sign the lease forms to let me go and I can't afford two lots of rent so think I'm going to have to move back there and I'm scared and feel sick because I can't deal with their shit anymore. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Jeez that really sucks they won't sign Smiley Sad I don't know much about the legal stuff around it but it sounds like that shouldn't be allowed. What are they saying @MB95? It sounds so intense and horrible but maybe talking about it might help cause will we can dispute the nasty things they are saying Smiley Sad Would you be open to that? You don't have to but it might help us help you challenge what they're saying?
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Re: Not sure what to do

I know this might sound silly but have you guys ever been bullied? And then because of your mental illness blamed yourself and felt like you deserve it anyway and it's all your fault? I'm really trying not too but I just feel like everything is my fault and I'm disgusting and what they're saying is true and I deserve it. And that because of my age I should be old enough to just get ovet it and move on and not let their words affect me so much? But I can't keep it together. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

I haven't been bullied @MB95 so I can't imagine what it's like... People tended to just treat me like I was invisible at school or the 'friends' I made were mean to me and made me feel like I was worthless. I'm slowly beginning to get out of that thinking but it was difficult at the time because they made me feel like I wasn't normal and were really reactive so I felt I was being insensitive and it was my fault. So I kind of get that but no one has bullied me relentlessly or anything- that just would be horrid and can have so many negative impacts on a person Smiley Sad
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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  yes I have felt that way before that i caused someone else's shitty behavior because i was not "normal" so it must be my fault. it really sucks but it isnt your fault and sometimes people are just plain mean. it is rude of the housemates to not let you go and it is hard to come to a compromise when one side refuses to try. at the end of the day you can only control your behavior and if it was me i would try and suck it up and pretend to be nice to try and get out of the lease agreement then move away and not have to deal with those people ever again. idk if it would make it worse or better but you could always casually say you will seek legal advise if they dont sign and it might scare them enough to sign but idk that could go the other way. it is a really shitty situation though and i am sorry you are having to deal with this on top of everything else you are already struggling with. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Honestly, I'm trying to block it all out. Like one of the things that hurt me the most is one of them said she'd never wish living with me upon anyone and that I don't have a kind or generous bone in my body. It's like part of me knows it's not true but then part of me is so hurt by it that it just takes over? Idk. @Lost_Space_Explorer5. And then other shit that I've just tried so hard to block out. But like tonight, I thought this was finally over and we were all going to move on and then they started up again. It wasn't as personal this time, but like just their actions more so? Not signing out of spite to make me pay two lots of rent, telling me they don't want me in the house but want me paying rent? Idk. It's just too much. Like I'm going to call the real estate on Monday because they are 100% in the wrong (I can confidently say that cause I've spoken to a lawyer and the real estate recently) but I just don't know how to not take what they're saying and doing to heart. I HATE conflict and really don't do well with it and they know it which is why one of them went off at me the other night, cause she knew I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself. I feel bad saying this because I HATE hating people and I know it's such a strong word but I actually think I hate them. They just make me so angry and sad and sick and I hate them so much for it. I just wish they'd fuck off and leave me the hell alone!!!! Sorry.. I think I'm gonna try let it out in my journal in a sec cause I don't mean to rant on here. I just needed to chat with someone so thanks guys ❤

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Re: Not sure what to do

It's okay @Eden1717 , thank you for just listening to me. It is what it is and I highly doubt it's going to change. I just feel sick at the thought of having to move back there for the semester but I really can't afford 2 rents. They're doing it deliberately because they signed it straight away for another girl that moved out a few months ago. But they won't do it for me. Like one signed it then realised she would have to cover some of my rent till someone was found (I'm trying to find them someone but with COVID it ain't easy) so she's told the other one not to sign. And they keep saying they don't want me in the house for the semester but want me to pay rent still? They're just immature!!! 

 

Thanks @Lost_Space_Explorer5  - I've totally had that experience with 'friends' in the past too.. some people in this world really are ass holes!! I'm sorry you were made to feel that way!!