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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  if they are harassing you via social media make sure you take screen shots of everything and all the bad things they say because if you do end up in a legal battle (which hopefully isnt the case) but stuff like that would help your case. but that is just a thought i hope you are feeling ok today. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks guys, I've taken screenshots of everything to be on the safe side. And thanks for that link @Janine-RO, it looks like it may be helpful so I'll have a look into it tonight. 

 

I'm really not doing great. I thought I was starting to feel better yesterday and emailed my psych today about a few things I want to try talk to her about in our session this arvo. One of the main things being my thoughts and how I always freak and jump to conclusions. I told her how I thought she wanted me to kill myself cause I really want to not think that again and looking at it now I think it's stupid. Well not exactly right now because she replied saying that she doesn't think that but then also said she doesn't think what we're doing is working and that it might be best if I join the private clinic so now that's just confirming she doesn't want to work with me? Idk. I'm just really confused and really upset and don't know what to think. I was trying to do the right thing by being honest with her but when I'm honest with people they always leave me. I don't even want to talk to her this afternoon now. I just feel sick. No one ever cares enough to stick around and I'm so over it. I try not to think people would prefer me to die but then stuff like this happens and it reminds me of what hard work I am and how everyone just gives up on me all the time. @Lost_Space_Explorer5  @Eden1717 

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Re: Not sure what to do

I feel really worthless and unwanted.

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Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95 I'm really sorry you're not doing well and that you have to go through all this shit with your housemates, and this confusing situation with your psych. I can imagine how that interaction could leave you feeling upset and confused. 

I don't know if this will bring any comfort, but we really do value you here on the forums, seeing the support you provide to others is so beautiful and getting to witness friendships form is a real privilege for us. You are worthy and wanted, and we really care about you here.

I hope if you speak to your psych this afternoon that it goes ok and you're able to get some clarity around what she meant. We're here to chat through as well stuff if that is helpful Heart

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95  I just want to gently remind you that just because a psych says they cant help you doesnt mean they hate you or want you dead it just means they are being honest about their own capabilities. it also doesnt mean they dont want to work with you it can just mean they dont think they will be able to help. psychs also have an ethical requirement to tell someone if the psych doesnt think they can be of help. i know it sucks though having to change psychs and it can feel really awful but you have been working with the psych for a while now and if they arent helping maybe it is time to consider your options. tbh if i was you (which i am not) i would be going to see the psychiatrist to get a better idea of what was going on so that i could then pick very carefully who i wanted to work with in terms of psychologists, but that is just a suggestion i know in practice things can get complicated.  

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Re: Not sure what to do

Hey @MB95, it sucks that you feel like your psych has given up on you, especially after you were just starting to open up to her. The uni counsellor/psych I was seeing once was limited to only a number of sessions with me and she had to refer me out into another service. Sometimes stuff like that just happens, especially with the more complex cases. Maybe she feels like she's not able to provide you with enough support to keep you alive Smiley Sad And it's actually her job to refer you to someone who can actually help you in complex cases like this. Have you talked to her about getting you into seeing another team or something? It might be that you need a certain type of therapy she doesn't have training in, or you need more crisis management than she is able to offer. I don't know, I'm sorry, but I don't think she's rejecting you. Not everyone you reach out to leaves you, you know that's not true. We haven't left you! Smiley Tongue And you know what, even though people do leave, a lot of the time it isn't personal. Life just happens. But I think you might have learnt to open up a bit and be honest after your sessions with your psych, which is amazing! The fact you made such a connection means you can do it again and develop trust with a long term support. It just takes time and a little bit of hope to build that trust with a new person. Your GP sounds like they're a huge support and I don't think they're gonna leave you, and we're here. And there are heaps of other supports available that you could get referred to. So you're not worthless and unwanted @MB95, we want you here and think you're pretty amazing Smiley Happy And I think there is a part of you that actually likes you and wants you to keep trying, even if you don't want to admit it Smiley Tongue
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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Hannah-RO ❤ I think I'm just really hurt and upset and disappointed in myself and need some time to try and accept it and get my head around it all I think. I really appreciate your kind words though, they mean a lot so thank you. I honestly don't know what I'd do without RO. This community is my lifeline. I did chat with my psych and we were able to talk through some of it which helped in a way. I'm still really upset about it all and just angry at myself that what we've been doing hasn't been working but she told me she isn't going anywhere which made me feel a bit better. Now I just have to try and trust that she's not.. not something I easily do. But she said to try and look at it more as bringing another specialist into my team. So idk. I don't want someone else coming in but I also don't want to feel like this anymore so I've told her when I'm more up to it I will at least try. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Thanks @Eden1717. I can see where you're coming from and know everything you're saying is true, I just need to grow up and accept it. I'm just so scared about actually being given a disgnosis. But I was able to tell my psych and GP that today and we have decided not to push me at the moment and to come back to the idea in a few weeks. They think going to the private clinic for DBT group stuff might be what I need. Idk though, I hate the idea of groups.. just thinking about it is giving me anxiety. 

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Re: Not sure what to do

Hmm.. there is definately no part of me that likes me @Lost_Space_Explorer5. If there ever was I feel like that part of my soul was ripped out at a very young age lol But you are right when you say I want to keep trying.. (well, most of the time..). I just hope for a day where I'm normal and don't come with all this baggage and bullshit!!! A girl can dream.. 

But yes, we talked about it and she isn't speciality trained in DBT which is why she thinks it would be good to refer me out to someone who is cause she thinks I'll benefit from it. So idk. She was really open and honest with me today which helped and as upset as I am about it she said she is still going to work with me which has relieved some of the pain I guess. I just feel like I've let her down cause she's tried so hard with me and nothing much has changed and I really wish it had cause I don't want her to feel like she hasn't done her job properly. Idk. I'm just a mess atm and my thoughts are flying everywhere 😔

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Re: Not sure what to do

@MB95 Hmm I think there is a small repressed part of you that likes you- not everything about you- few people like everything about themselves! Smiley Tongue but like small things about yourself- I think you must like your sense of humour a little Smiley Tongue You're definitely a stubborn/determined one in the way you're always trying! Did you end up talking to your psych about RO-DBT? Cause DBT is for distress tolerance and being able to tolerate emotions- I think you're actually pretty good at those things cause you keep stuff bottled up. Maybe too good? Smiley Tongue RO-DBT teaches you to be able to express your emotions and connect with people. Anyway, I'm not your psych, but they're opposite therapies and the wrong one mightn't help idk!

Imagine it like specialists in physical illnesses, there's only so much a GP can do for you, at some point they need to send you to a specialist to treat you more effectively. e.g. say you had diabetes, but it wasn't under control, you're gp would send ya to an endocrinologist. It's not your fault you're sick and it's not your GP's fault they can't treat you. It's just not in their abilities cause they can only offer so much.

So you have not let her down. You have not let anyone down. You're trying bloody hard so please give yourself some credit! And I think this shows that you're psych does care about you because she wants to keep seeing you while you see a 'specialist' psych, just like a GP would when sending you to a specialist. Did that make any sense? Hehe sorry

What is it about letting your psych down that upsets you? Where does that come from? Smiley Tongue