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Obsessed with someone

Apologies in advance, this kinds of feels petty compared to a lot more significant problems but imma put it out there cos it's how I feel.

 

Over the last couple of months I've met someone and we've been on a few dates and I guess the unknown of where we were going got me in a mood where I just wasn't enjoying things I used to enjoy and was only enjoying myself when I was around them. So I ended up telling them how I felt and thankfully they feel the same way which is great, but the timing is awful because I have to head home for like 2+ months in about two weeks time.

 

So basically now I'm stuck in a case of I want to go further romantically with this person but also don't want to because we won't see each other for like 2-3 months. I've told myself I'm just going to enjoy hanging out with them more casually for the next two weeks but the underlying want to take things further is kind of eating away at me. It's almost putting me back into the mood before I told them how I felt, which was not great because I was just centring my life around them. I am pretty content with myself and really want to hang out with my friends and what not, but just can't stop thinking about her.

 

So I guess what are other people's experience with this? And how can I not think about them as much when I'm trying to do thing in my life that don't involve them?

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Re: Obsessed with someone

Hey Indieboy14

 

Sounds like a lot to think about! I can see this is not an easy situation for you.

 

Based on your post, it sounds like you do really like them. So, do you actually want to not think about them? Is discussing that you want to continue the relationship later on a possibility? Then you have something to look forward to when you return?

 

What do you feel would help you feel settled with the situation?

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Re: Obsessed with someone

Hi Abderian,

 

The idea of settling the situation definitely resonates with me. I want to be able to enjoy things I used to enjoy and can't right now because they're stuck on my mind.

 

I think the main problem I have with discussing continuing the relationship when I get back, is that I don't want to lock them down to anything, or ruin either of our holidays because we're stuck thinking about each other. But honestly this is probably overthinking and I think your advice is really good so I'll try talking about this with them Smiley Happy Thankyou ♥️

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Re: Obsessed with someone

I totally get that as well. Like you said, perhaps an open discussion will
put everything out into the open and it might seem clearer how to move
forward. But I totally get the difficulty of the situation!
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Re: Obsessed with someone

Ugh, it's always the timing that's wrong! I've had this happen to me too.

 

For me there was no easy way to go about it, we ended up having a convo and decided that we'd keep chatting casually and see what happened when we were both back in the same town, which wasn't the most satisfying conclusion, but we were both on the same page and made us both feel a bit better.

 

It's so difficult when you really like them and you both have to take a step back! I found myself thinking about all the 'what ifs' and honestly it kind of got me down, so I totally understand where you're coming from. Luckily I had a good group of friends who were able to help me distract myself a bit, and some studying I could focus on, which helped a lot.

 

It's such a tough head vs heart situation, the thing that helped me the most was clearing the air between us and making a decision together about what we were going to do, a bit like what you and Abderian were just chatting about. I wish you all the best Heart

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Re: Obsessed with someone

@Abderianugh i've been in this situation before too! it can be really tricky. It definitely can be hard to take a step back - would prioritising self-care more be something that would help you shift the focus away from obsessing over her and focus more on yourself? are there any self care strategies you're currently using?

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Re: Obsessed with someone

Hi @Indieboy14 , 

I totally understand how you feel, it's not petty at all, that's so tricky! In my experience is pretty normal to be super excited in the early stages of a relationship, I think it's pretty normal and can actually be a really lovely time! But that being said I also understand how consuming it can be, props to you for being so courageous and vulnerable, it's not easy! Can you lean into your feelings and trust that things will work out as they're meant to and perhaps keep an open line of communication while you're away? It might even make it that much more special when you finally get back! 

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Re: Obsessed with someone

I’ve been in a very similar situation. I had met someone right before I was about to go away on a trip to Europe. We actually decided that we wanted to stay together while I was away and we’re still together now three and a half years later. I never regretted it because I figured I didn’t really want to see anyone else anyway. 

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Re: Obsessed with someone

Hey! to be honest it sounds to me like you're in the beginning stages of being lovey dovey. I felt the same way with my boyfriend it was really intense and fast and now we're a lot more settled and after a year now we're like an old couple who are comfortable with each other.

 

but in the early stages, he was constantly on my mind and i did centre a lot of my time around him so i totally get that and i think it's normal Smiley Happy i think your corncerned thoughts will relax over time and as you have more experience with that person.

 

in terms of you feeling a bit of fear with leaving for a few months. i feel like going at a steady pace is always a good idea. if it's meant to be it will be and you may be like me where i feel stressed over things i can't control and worry about that to no end. so, keep things friendly, obviously if it's clear you guys are both into each other, you can keep flirting, keep each other filled in with each other's lives like text, send pics of what ur doing, video chat etc. and before you know it you're together again Smiley Happy

 

and like you, i used to be wayyy too dependent on one person and when it ended it was crazy bad for my mental health. so i think a healthy rule of thumb is to try and keep as many things going for you like hobbies and friends wise

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Re: Obsessed with someone

Thankyou everyone for the kind words and support, this is my first time reaching out to an online community and it really warms my heart to see so many people genuinely sharing their experiences and offering advice Smiley Happy 

 

I've settled things a lot in my mind over the last week or so, mostly by refocusing my own mindset and reassuring myself that it will work out alright. I'm definitely feeling a lot better about the whole situation, so thanks again Smiley Happy