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Okay, so here's my story...

Right, where do I begin.

A few weeks ago I moved out of home, which was, and still is amazing. Even if money is incredibly tight... I used to live in a remote town in central NSW, been there for nearly two years and didn't have a good time. 

I moved in with a friend, whcih made life easier. Until I met him..

So, i'm gay. Not open, but definitely gay. And so is my neighbours best friend. How lucky could I have gotten? Ha. That was nothing. I added him on Facebook and we started talking. He had a boyfriend. My heart sank. Just my luck.

Then he sent me a photo, of the movie he was watching. It had a little bit of leg in it and i cheekily commented saying "Nice leg. Smiley Wink " Wow, i wasn't prepared for what came next. He asked for a photo of my leg, I agreed, he sent another back, with his whole leg. Ha. Lets just say it got further and further up the leg.. Cheeky. 

 

You wouldn't beleive it. He asked if we wanted to meet up. He has a boyfriend! Didn't stop me. But I wish I didn't.. We hooked up. I hopped into his car at 1am and well yeah. Use your imagination. Silly, I know. But it was really nice. We got along very well and clicked immediately. Getting home at nearly 3am, safe, i climbed into bed and didn't know what to think. I was going to see this guy like almost everyday! 

 

I thought that was it. Nope. I don't know how but the following day we ended up getting coffee and later that night he asked if we wanted to watch a movie. Sure, there's no harm in that. So instead of the lounge he goes into my room and gets into bed. Ha. Wow, I had never done anything like that before.. In bed with another guy? Dream come true ha. Yes, we actually did watch a movie, and slowly, i reached for his hand. We were holding hands. Amazing. We got closer that night, snuggled and got pretty close. But he has a boyfriend, I didn't get it. Was he just a sleeze? 

No. He wasn't. He was in quite a rutt with his boyfriend. See, I found out he has quite a lot of psychiatric problems, depression, bi-polar, etc etc. They just weren't getting a long. He needed a break, and I was his break. 

God. I didn't know what to think. I jsut didn't. I thought it was a once off, but now almost every night for the passed week he's been staying and we've gotten really close. But his boyfriend is still in the picture. I don't wanna be a home wrecker, but right now he's no good for him. 

 

That's the problem. I've gotten attached. Really attached. It happened so fast. Now, every time he actually goes home I get really cut and feel awful. Nauseous, lack of appetite, and a heavy heart. I love him. I'm sure I do. 

I just don't know what to do. He tells me all this stuff, like if he wasn't taken he'd be all over me. Aaarrgghh.. I don't know what's going on. I constantly feel awful when he's gone, its like an obbsession. 

 

I've never been in this situation and I just need some help and guidance... 

I;m sorry this is a massive wall of text, but there was no way of shortening it. 

Sure, it's been a week. But it feels like a lifetime. 

 

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Re: Okay, so here's my story...

Hey Lollyback,

 

Firstly, welcome to ReachOut, I see  this is the first time you have posted. Good to have you on here and chatting.

 

It sounds like you are in a really tricky situation. You really like this guy, you think you might even love him, but he has a boyfriend and doesn't want to leave him... or doesn't have the guts to. 

 

I think you need to work out what you want out of the relationship and be upfront with this fella about it. Are you happy to be his 'bit on the side', or do you only want him if you are in a monogamous relationship together and he has broken up with his boyfriend?

 

You need to work that out and then talk to him and be really clear about the terms of the relationship. If you are not happy with him lying to his boyfriend, maybe you need to give him an ultimatum - sort out your other relationship or we are over. 

 

You also need to think about whether you want to be with someone who has cheated on their partner. If he is cheating on his present boyfriend (even when he is suffering mental illness problems), what is to say he wouldn't do the same to you? 

 

It is really hard to be strong when you are besotted with someone, but it sounds like you know morally how you feel about this, you just need to summons up the strength to have an upfront conversation with him. 

 

Good luck Lolly.  

 

 

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

I've been upfront with him, and so has he with me. Lasted a day, then he was back in my bed... I'm just his shoulder to lean on, but he's become more than that to me. As for the cheating, he said it's the first time it's ever happened. I definitely believe him. I'm happy with being his little thing on the side, but it wouldn't ever last... I'd always want more and i'd always be hurt when he goes back home.

It's just so hard. Its as though it's making me physically sick.

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

Hey Lolly, 

 

This sort of stress CAN make you physically ill - it's a fact. So look after yourself and make sure you aren't in a situation that is gonna make you even more stressed and will just get harder and harder to get out of.  I still think it is a good idea to set yourself a bit of a deadline for how long you will let this situation go on before demanding some changes... But it's really up to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

I've talked with a friend, and have decided I'm going to confront him. Of course I wanna stay friends, but if he wants it to stay sexual, he is going to have to leave his BF. I know emotionally I can't handle it.

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

Hey Lollyback,

Sounds as though you've made the right decision for what you want. It's so important to stay true to yourself, even if it hurts.

I hope confronting him goes well and you can work out an arrangement which will suit everyone involved! Smiley Happy

Take care of yourself and let us know how it goes (if you want to!).

MM.

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

Drama drama drama.
So he breaks up with his BF last night, supposedly for the best. He told me that he would like to get closer in due time.
Well that happiness didn't last long. I woke up to a text telling me that he didn't want to talk to me, and that him and his BF are going to get back together, he told him about our fling. Which ultimately meant that I had to be cut out of his life.
So now almost all his friends are against me, blaming me. Which isn't fair.
It sucks.
But it's okay, I'm drinking his bottle of Jack Daniels he left, cause fuck him.

Re: Okay, so here's my story...

Hey Lollyback,

 

As much as this hurts, please take care of yourself tonight - it might seem as though the answer now is alcohol, but it's not - you'll just feel awful in the morning and it's really important you don't do anything stupid tonight under the influence! You are obviously and understandably feeling vulnerable at the moment but please remember that this feeling won't last forever.

 

I'm so sorry that things haven't worked out how you wanted them to, but maybe it just wasn't meant to be? And maybe there an absolutely amazing guy waiting to meet you tomorrow who you'll fall head over heels for and you will completely forget this other guy! We have NO idea what the future holds, so lets make sure we are ready to see what happens tomorrow!!

 

Please remember that it's totally okay to reach out for help tonight as well - places like Kids Help Line (1800 551 800; http://www.kidshelpline.com.au) are available online and on the phone (24/7) if you need to chat! As well as Life Line (13 11 14; https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat) and eHeadspace (http://www.eheadspace.org.au). These people are great at listening!

 

Thinking of you and HOPING you take good care of yourself tonight...

 

MM