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On the edge...

Hi Guys,

 

So I'm unemployed, studying 2 accounting units online. I'm 21. I have depression & anxiety.

I live with my parents and my younger brother.

Dad works full time and more.

Mum is severely depressed.

My younger brother has behavioural issues.

 

Recently the bullying I cop from my younger brother has been very intense. It gets to the point where afterwards I feel very fragile and unsafe. I don't know what to do anymore. I legit am not coping at home with his nasty behaviour towards me, but I cannot move out due to finances and literally no place to go. But if I bring that up at home that's all my fault - because I lost my job.

 

I'm sick of waking up on the weekends to hearing my brother have a go at me, because I've slept in or whatever. Then thinks he can call me names and refuse to let me pass him while he sits at the table. (the way the rental property is, if someone is sitting in one spot at the table no one can get passed to the kitchen and toilet bathroom etc from the laundry or my room.) So he likes to sit there and not let me pass even after asking nicely with manners 20 times! Then he will call me names and tell me it's my fault.

 

I fear when 4pm comes up and he gets home. I hide in my room every afternoon or make sure I'm not home. Because other wise it's another game of how much can he pick on it. How long will it take to drive me out of the room or until I leave home. He likes to tell me that I do nothing all day and I'm lazy. When in actual fact I'm the only one who ever cooks meals around home. I'm the only one who ever cleans the kitchen (apart from the odd time mum will do it once a month) and I'm trying to job search. And I'm studying. And I have regular appointments with my GP, psychiatrist, psychologist, Job search agency. And I'm trying to keep time for my hobbies. And I'm trying to learn DBT skills with my psychologist to beat these stupid mental illnesses.  I'm trying my god'damned best and yet I still feel so hopeless. I feel like I'm just nothing to this world anymore. The more my brother degrades me and picks on me the worse I feel and the less I feel like trying Smiley Sad

 

I just don't know what to do.

I've only just been able to confide in my psychologist about some past issues. She knows some of what's going on at home but not everything. I always downgrade it. Even this is downgraded. I feel like it doesn't count because it's not physical... 

 


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Re: On the edge...

Hey @Bee first up, it definitely counts even if it's not physical. In fact domestic violence and family violence now includes emotional abuse within its spectrum (you can read a bit about this here - and please note this applies to any gender).

 

If you need telehelp around this issue you can actually call 1800Respect regarding this. 

 

Are your parents aware of his behaviour and how it impacts you? Also why do you feel you downgrade/downplay what you are experiencing? What do you feel in the aftermath of your little brother behaving this way?

One thing I have learned with bullies is there's no point arguing, almost all bullying stems from a deep seeded insecurity within that person, my view is don’t bother arguing with a bully. They are often driven by anger, which means that all logic goes out the window and engaging is pointless. For me when dealing with bullies, the easiest method is cut ties, ignore, be overly kind to them - for me when you never take the bait (initially it will get worse for a little bit) long term they lose interest. What are your thoughts on this?

Re: On the edge...

Thanks @Bree-RO
I did see this Sunday, but wasn't feeling up to responding.

Yes, my mum is aware of the situation but says there is nothing she can do. Says that he doesn't listen to her anyway.
Why I downgrade/downplay it? I'm not entirely sure, maybe because I'm scared?
In the aftermath of any argument with him is varied depending on what's happened. Usually, I'm upset and hurt. I feel agitated and shocked that he could be so disrespectful. (Actually I just managed to identify emotions, so this will have to be sent to my psychologist now! lol We are working on identifying emotions)

I understand that there is no point in arguing with him, but my brain doesn't always realise that straight away, and I end up giving up any way, because there is no reasoning with him - at all!

 


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Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: On the edge...

Well done on identifying emotions! Do you get on well with your Psych?

 

How long has your brother been behaving this way? Why do you think your Mum feels she cannot do anything to help the situation? Sorry for 21 Questions Smiley Tongue @Bee

Re: On the edge...

@Bree-RO 21 questions usually helps me understand the situation and think about it, so please fire away Smiley Happy

Yes I do get along well with my psych, she's been so understanding through it all, and just a really good fit. I have my GP and local headspace to thank for linking me with her!!! And her for allowing me to follow her privately and still keep the same rate as what it was at headspace!

Honestly, there has always been this sibling rivalry between us, but since he hit his teens he's been a progressively worse nightmare...
Mum has said that regardless of whether she says anything or not he's not going to change so why to bother.

 


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Re: On the edge...

Glad you get along so well with your psych @Bee, do you reckon you'd be able to talk to her about these emotions you've been identifying?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: On the edge...

Sounds like your brother takes it out on the whole family hey? @Bee

 

Must be super frustrating. I guess the main thing is making sure you have some kind of refuge for yourself, sounds like this might be lacking at the moment. Hmmm. If it's not somewhere in the house, is there a cafe or similar nearby you can unwind? Would your Mum be up to booking you all into family therapy with him (I know this may be a big ask)? Smiley Happy Let me know.

 

Ps - So stoked to hear about your Psych!

Re: On the edge...

@Bree-RO Yeah he does at times.
My room and headphones are usually my sanctions!

The idea of family therapy I don't think would work. There is a view by a couple people that therapy doesn't help. So I'm not even going to try.

I think I just need to manage it until I can move Smiley Happy

My psych is pretty amazing. She honestly deserves a medal Smiley Tongue

 


Get to know each other more in our monthly Introduce Yourself HERE!

We updated our guidelines! Check them out HERE!
Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: On the edge...

@letitgo I plan on sending them to her in an email so we can explore it more Smiley Happy

 


Get to know each other more in our monthly Introduce Yourself HERE!

We updated our guidelines! Check them out HERE!
Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: On the edge...

@Bee I read your last post as you sending your psych a medal Smiley Tongue I wanted to pop in and say I understand completely how you are feeling as I experience a similar situation with my own brother. It sucks when other family members can't offer you much help around it, but talking to your psych is a great way to release those feelings.
If only the brother would move out first, then it would be easier. Smiley Happy I hope you have a good day today.
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