Ongoing Fluctuating Emotions - what's going on?

[mspaceK]

I did some writing. I don't feel like I want to talk to anyone. Not over phone anyway. Theres no one that I want to talk to and it doesn't feel like they will help. I'm sorry for sounding so negative @TIL . I know you're trying to help. 

[TIL]

Your not being negative , you know what’s best for you , if you do change your mind it’s there to help you and benefit you , if writing helps or listening to music or watching tv or Netflix helps then it’s important to engage in those activities. I hope you get some rest soon x

[Tiny_leaf]

@mspaceK would you be willing to try a web-chat type thing so that you'd be able to type?

I don't know if lifeline has a 24 hour one, but KHL definitely does. 

[mspaceK]

Not right now at least @Tiny_leaf @TIL . I just don't want to have to wait or get turned away. I don't want to need their help. I wish I was fine and could just sleep through the night without any issues. Are you having trouble sleeping? It's quite late.. 

[TIL]

I’m a night owl , I’ve never been good at night so i always find a good movie to watch and hopefully I drift into sleep , I understand you not wanting to need it but it’s okay to accept it even when we fight with ourselves that we shouldn’t need help for what ever the reason is . But their are so many amazing people and services that want to be there to help when you are ready to take that step x 

[Tiny_leaf]

@mspaceK I know the feeling...

And no, I'm just a little nocturnal. I'm pretty sure my body clock thinks that it's somewhere in the pacific..

[mspaceK]

I used to have a good bed time routine.. asleep before 10:30pm and up before 8am nearly everyday. I don't know what's happened.  All I know right now is that I wish everything would go away - my sleeping and eating problems, my family dysfunction and these negative self thoughts and urges. It feels impossible i don't know when everything became so hard. It feels like it always has been  

I hope that strategy works for you @TIL . And that sounds frustrating your body clock @Tiny_leaf 

[Tiny_leaf]

@mspaceK I'm really sorry you have to cope with all that... it's really hard, especially if it seems like there's no reason it had to happen..

The good news I guess is that recovery is a thing...

I also have trouble eating from depression, if you want we could share ideas about dealing with it at some point? (no pressure though, this is an offer not a request, so if you don't want to then no worries)

And it's okay since I'm not going to school much right now, but when I do go it is, since school starts at my equivalent of midnight. On another note I could probably use those numbers to figure out where my brain thinks it is...

I've personally never had a good sleep routine, and have a weird ability to quickly build up a tolerance to any medication that's meant to fix it. Unless I have to take it in the morning. Then it works three times as well..

[mspaceK]

I think sharing ideas will be a good idea at some point @Tiny_leaf . Maybe by having a thread where we post something we want to make and then we make it and post photos and our thoughts of what it was like. Or do a grocery shop and post what we got for inspiration.  

My chest has gotten a lot worse tbh and I'm a bit restless. 

I'm sorry about your sleeping issues too  

[Tiny_leaf]

That'd be good @mspaceK! So long as you're not expecting anything too spectacular from me though... I've set fire to baking paper and made potatoes explode in the microwave after I poked them with a fork... I may be cursed.....

And do you think a breathing exercise might help with your chest?