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Overwhelmed TW self harm

Lately I’ve been feeling really directionless, overwhelmed and not myself. I’m finding it really difficult to get myself back on track and stay strong/positive.

A few weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend, he has been coming to terms with the possibility of having borderline personality disorder. I have been supportive and there for him every step of the way, however things got to a breaking point and I ended it in order to protect myself and put my mental health first. Things were at a point where he was hurting me emotionally and taking out his feelings on me so regularly out of fear of me abandoning him/cheating/leaving and rarely acknowledging the impact this was having on my own mental health despite my constant and continual reassurance, understanding and putting my own pain aside to be there for him that I was changing who I was, how I acted and even the friends I saw or talked to in order to avoid fights/arguments and keep him happy. I completely understand that these are symptoms and I know that he never means to intentionally hurt me but supporting him while being hurt by him and more so not being supported by him half the time when my mental health flares up because he’s so exhausted dealing with how he feels to help anyone else was too much. 

We still speak most days but things have been hard and up and down. I miss him everyday and I really believe that if it’s meant to be that things will work out. I’m so in love with him but it breaks my heart seeing how mental illness has broken us apart when it feels like nothing was ever really wrong and if we were both healthy, regular people that everything would be okay.

All of this has brought up old feelings, I have struggled with sh as a means to deal with unbearable emotions when I get incredibly overwhelmed by my feelings and had a lapse recently.

I have an appointment with a new psychologist tomorrow that I’ve had booked for a while that I’m looking forward to but also extremely scared about.

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Hi @linkinpark13, I'm sorry you have not been feeling yourself recently. Break-ups are hard and very emotional, however it sounds like you have been extremely mature in your decision to end things with your boyfriend. I understand that it may feel even worse given that you are still so in love with him and that the reasons behind your breakup is to look after your mental health and his.

Below is a link from the ReachOut articles about some strategies to help you cope with break ups that I think could be helpful for you:
https://au.reachout.com/articles/coping-with-a-breakup

It's normal that this event has brought up old feelings and I think the fact that you have recognised they are back, and you are on this forum expressing your feelings is such a positive step in the right direction. I'm pleased to know you have a psych appointment tomorrow, I hope it allows you to express your thoughts in a safe place and you can gain some advice on the next steps. Good luck, and always remember we are here for you Heart 

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

@linkinpark13 I want to thank you for being so brave to share this with us Heart
I can hear that this is a very tough situation to be in and I'm sorry to hear that mental health concerns have broken you and your boyfriend up.

It's understandable that this has brought up some past feelings and that that would be overwhelming to cope with. I'm glad you have an appointment booked with a psychologist and are looking forward to it. Smiley Happy Please remember that it's okay to feel scared before meeting a new professional to work with, the relationship between ourselves and any mental health professional is a sensitive one...

@Jane_Rose has given you some amazing advice and linked an article that would be worth looking up too.

Are you doing any self-care to help cope through this tough period? Heart

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Oh @linkinpark13  my heart hurts reading about what's been going on for you lately. It must be so heart-breaking and frustrating to have mental ill health tear into your relationship when it was going so well, but that being said i'm so so proud of you for taking care of yourself by taking a step back for a bit. You're always so caring and compassionate here on the forums, and it sounds like you show the same things to the people in your life like your boyfriend- but you deserve to show yourself these things too! Heart 


With all you've been struggling with recently it's really understandable that you're struggling with SH, it sounds like you've got a lot of negative emotion built up right now Smiley Sad Hope everything goes well tomorrow Heart
I'm sending both you and him lots of positive vibes. Keep us posted, if you're up to it? 
Thinking of you xx




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We're having a SLOW-MO Getting Real chat to do with Dealing with the Holiday Season, starting on Monday the 9th of December! Smiley Very Happy Check it out here! Heart

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Hi @linkinpark13

Firstly I want to say a huge thank you for reaching out -it sounds like the last few weeks have been super stressful and really challenging for you. Change in relationships, particularly when there is still love there, is so hard, and we are here to support you these next few weeks when you need us Heart

It sounds like your relationship has had it's challenges for a while in the lead up to the breakup, and that he is really going through a lot of change and grappling with a new diagnosis. It is really challenging to watch someone you love feel so much distress, and even moreso to wear the fallout of his recovery journey. It takes so much courage to step away and choose your mental health when you are experiencing so many difficulties in a relationship, and it sounds like while this was a difficult decision, it was the right decision to protect your mental health. Am I right in saying that?

It is really great that you have already thought about professional support and have booked an appointment. I hear that you are feeling a bit concerned about this appointment, and that is 100% okay- is there anything you would like to chat through with us?

You are holding so much pain at the moment, and there are so many people here and within your support network to support you forward Heart Do you have family/friends to support you this week?
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Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Hey @linkinpark13, everyone else has given some amazing advice already. Just wondering how are you going today? Heart

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

@Jane_Rose @Bee @ecla34 @Jess1-RO Thank you all so much for your support Smiley Happy

The psychologist went very well! The practice was super nice and welcoming and my psychologist was patient and understanding. It was the first time that I've ever told a professional about SH and it felt relieving to be honest. I'm excited to see how things will go Smiley Happy

 

I've been doing a lot of seeing/talking to friends and making sure that I push myself to reach out when I need support. I've been taking long showers, keeping my room/spaces clean and organised, purging the clothes I don't wear anymore, keeping a diary, going to the gym, budgeting my spendings, getting more sleep and cutting down my drinking for self care Smiley Happy

 

@Jess1-RO I feel like it was the right decision in order to put myself first and take a step back and reclaim my life. But I've been experiencing a lot of severe anxiety and insecurity now as a result of not being committed but still being in love with him. Its lead to a few panic attacks and outbursts that I'm not proud of and while I've been able to reflect on them and understand where those emotions are coming from its been really difficult because I'm not usually an insecure or jealous person and don't often feed into my anxieties so I feel out of control/weak for not being able to control myself.

 

I opened up to my mum and dad about the break up and how I'm feeling, they were super supportive and kind. My friends have been so amazing and I don't know what I would've done during this period without their unwavering support, I'm so lucky to have them and everyone here Smiley Happy

 

@mrmusic today has been up and down, I started my semester 1 class today which caused me a bit of anxiety but it was really interesting and I think I'll enjoy the class content at least! I spoke to my ex briefly, which went fine but caused me to spiral into a bit of an anxious panic but not to worry - I bought some dumplings and put on the incredibles Smiley Happy

I spent my morning talking to one of my housemates who is having problems with his girlfriend and was feeling suicidal, that was a bit hard but it was good to chat and I was glad to see him open up because he is usually quite private.

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Hi @linkinpark13, I'm glad that the psychologist appointment went well. Some of the most important things in dealing with difficult circumstances include liking the psychologist and wanting the therapy to work so I hope it goes well for you. You have been so brave to open up about your struggles.

Breakups are never easy. It's a good thing you have the support of your amazing friends and family during this time. I think it was wise to focus on your mental health and can understand the need to move on from your relationship.

I think this article could be useful: https://au.reachout.com/articles/self-help-for-self-harm

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

@WheresMySquishy  ah such a good article!!!! I’ve read it over so many times before Smiley Happy

I’m in the process of making a distraction box actually and filling it with photos, messages from people that I love, stim toys, supportive notes that tutors have given me on essays that im proud of and stuff like that to remind me of things that fill me with love, passion and inspiration Smiley Happy

 

the only thing I’m a bit apprehensive about is making my environment safe. I’ve removed any methods and means from my own room, bathroom and my things but during my last lapse I found something left out by one of my housemates. I’m very open with both of them about my mental health and the whole situation with my ex and they’re endlessly supportive but I’ve only opened up about SH to a few trusted friends and my housemates don’t know.

I want to mention it, but I’m not sure how to go about it? It’s so private, embarrassing, makes me feel weak and ashamed and it feels almost pathetic that I need to ask them to hide this thing in order to make the home safe for me/or at least harder for me to follow through

I don’t think I can ask in person I would end up crying and panicking, I think I could maybe send one of them that I trust more a message maybe?

Re: Overwhelmed TW self harm

Hey @linkinpark13 great to hear that you're making a distraction box! I've been thinking of making one for myself too Smiley Happy

 

It is a really hard thing to mention. When I first told a few of my friends about my SH, I did it via email/letter because it was easier than talking about it verbally. I think sending one of your more trusted housemates a message is a great idea.

 

Can we support you in this e.g. help you work out what you want to say?

We're here for you! Smiley Happy

// Spiral outward, keep going. //