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Overwhelmed

My emotions are everywhere lately. 

 

I'm trying to get over a relationship break-up that happened three months ago. Sometimes I think I'm fine, I've accepted it and that I'm moving on. But there are multiple moments in a day where I just overthink it- what I did wrong, what I could've done better. I'm sad because I miss this person, and at same time I'm angry at him for giving up and then I get angry at myself for not being over it and for getting angry at him. Our breakup wasn't bad, it's one of those ones where we both needed to grow by ourselves and that this person just fell out of love. But regardless, this person couldn't have been any more mature, gentle and caring  about it. Shouldn't that make it easier? Everyone tells me it's better than being cheated on or being ghosted all of a sudden. Why does it still hurt so much though? Why am I constantly questioning my worth? 

 

I am in the middle of the busiest times at uni, and I have no motivation to even write any of my essays. I am so angry at myself for being so stuck in this sadness and for being so down about something as mundane as a break-up when there are much bigger problems in this world. This person is probably well moved on by now. I wish I could fall out of love like he did. 

 

I'm so tired of crying in random places at random times, its exhausting to have to keep pushing thoughts about this person away. It is so debilitating having to pretend like you're doing fine, cus everyone expects you to have moved on. 

 

I'm sorry for the rant...I just wanna know that it gets better. 

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Re: Overwhelmed

Hi @bumblebee77,

 

Welcome to our forums, and it sounds like that you're going through a really tough time right now and could use some support. 

 

I think that break ups can cause a really special type of pain for us, because when we lose a relationship we usually lose a big part of our lives as well, and that can cause us to go through a sort of grieving process similar to when someone important in our lives has left, or passed. 

 

At the end of the day, no matter how friendly a break up is, it can still be a big loss for us and it hurts! That hurt is something that takes time to process and heal, and there really isn't a timeline for 'when' we should be over something by now.

 

I think that a lot of people here can relate to what you're going through right now, bumblebee, so I'll leave it to our lovely community to pitch in, but I just want to say that when it comes to things like these, things do get better and eventually the hurt does lessen over time...but that it's not always helpful to have expectations as to when or how we should be feeling or getting over things, and that in meantime it's important for us to be as gentle and kind with ourselves as we can be while we're struggling through such a difficult period of our lives Heart

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Re: Overwhelmed

@bumblebee77 welcome, we are sorry to hear about your recent breakup and that you are in a tough headspace right now. Coming here and posting is a productive step to addressing that. 

I second everything @TOM-RO  has said thus far. Not feeling motivated for uni can suck- perhaps they have some resources to help you out? Like counselling, or assessment help? A supportive study group?

 

in terms of the emotional turmoil, feel free to use this thread to articulate how you feel- especially if you feel like you can't talk about these things, as everyone has expected you to move on. We are here to listen!

 

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Re: Overwhelmed

Hi @bumblebee77 

 

This is a really tough situation that I'm sure anyone who has been through a break up can relate to, so you are not alone in these feelings. The end of a relationship comes with its own kind of grief, which is something that definitely takes time to process and work through. I think it is very normal to have days that you feel fine and then days that you feel overwhelmed and terrible. And like @TOM-RO said, there is no timeline for when you should feel better, but it will happen.  

 

Something that stuck out to me is when you said "everyone tells me it's better than being cheated on or ghosted." I don't think this is true. Your feelings are still valid even though this wasn't a "bad" breakup. I also really related to you saying "there are much bigger problems in the world." I think it is important to remember that just because bad things happen in the world, it doesn't make what you're going through any less difficult. You are allowed to feel sad and angry about what you're going through. I'm glad that you've shared these feelings so that you don't have to feel this way all by yourself. We are here to listen and support you.

 

What do you think would be helpful for you right now? Do you think it might help to talk to a trusted friend about how you're feeling, or a counsellor? Would you be open to some resources or ideas that might help with dealing with the break up, or like @Tay100 suggested, resources that might help with uni? Let us know how we can help!

 

 

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Re: Overwhelmed

Hi @bumblebee77, it's been a little while since you posted so I thought to pop in for a check in Heart How have things been for you? Sending you lots of hugs Heart

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Re: Overwhelmed

Welcome to the forums @bumblebee77!
I'm really sorry that you've experienced a breakup. Smiley Sad Breakups are never easy. On top of it, it sounds like uni is pretty overwhelming at the moment too.
Like you, I'm the type to ruminate about things that go wrong. It's hard to tell yourself to stop thinking about it because I find that it makes you think about it more. Something I try to do is write down my thoughts in an app. I know it doesn't help everyone, but I find it helps to write a letter to the person without sending it. Another thing I do is try to schedule a particular time to worry or ruminate, rather than letting it distract me from whatever I'm doing during the day. How would you feel about trying these things?

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Re: Overwhelmed

Hi @bumblebee77 I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way but just know it is completely normal, break ups are really hard no matter how it went down because it was someone you genuinely cared about/loved and talked to all the time and spent lots of time with and then suddenly you can't and that takes time to adjust. As cliche as it sounds I think time really does heal all wounds. Is there anything that helps you focus more on the aspects of you life and less on him or the opposite is there anything in particular that reminds you of him that you can remove from your life to help you focus? Sometimes I find it helps me to journal and really acknowledge how I'm feeling and then I try to throw myself into something and get my friends/family on board to help me stay on track, it doesn't always work but I always give it a go to see if it will help. In terms of uni work, I completely understand how busy it is right now, maybe you could get a study group together in your course or even out, just some friends you can study with at the library to help you focus on work. I like to believe everything happens for a reason, I don't know your exact circumstances but maybe the timing right now is not right but in the future it could be? I think the most important thing to remember is not to be harsh on yourself about the way you're feeling sometimes a good cry/wallow and a tub of ice cream is the best. It's okay not to be okay Heart