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Painful breakup

Hey, so um I just broke up with my girlfriend, cuz I found out that she was cheating on me or she was cheating on the other guy with me, and she didnt know what she wantedwanted, she kept saying that we were worth fighting for but she couldn't make up her mind, so I made the decision to end things😭😭 it hurts so much, and its killing me😭😭 I was just wondering if anyone knew how to deal with the deal or how to let go of someone your still in love with...😭😭 any help will be appreciated😭😭

Re: Painful breakup

Oh @Confused_fox I'm really sorry you're going through such a painful break-up Heart I'm happy that you found our community to support you through this difficult time. 

 

Being cheated on is a really hard thing to go through. It can bring up many feelings - sadness, anger, insecurity, confusion. All of this and more is completely normal - I think it's important to express how you feel as much as you can. Write about it, talk to a friend or family member, sing about it, chat with us on the forums about it. Whatever works for you Heart 

 

I just want to acknowledge how strong it was for you to make the decision to end things even though you still love this person. That speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. To let go of something in order to do what is best for yourself is so special. What a courageous act of self love Heart   

 

We have some stuff you might wanna read when you're ready on break-ups here and know that we are here to listen to you. 

Re: Painful breakup

Hey @Confused_fox 

I'm so sorry about what happened, breaking up with someone is a tough process and I can empathise with you on that. I'll be deeply honest with you in that it takes time to move on, it isn't something you can rush unfortunately.

 

I know it isn't particularly helpful when something can only pass with time, but there are ways you can get through the hard times. Currently I'm pursuing career prospects with my spare time, so basically it's just a matter of finding stuff to do. Things like cleaning, drawing, playing video games are great ways to pass the time and push the bad thoughts out of your head.

Re: Painful breakup

Hi @Confused_fox! Welcome to the forums!

That sounds so awful. Smiley Sad It can be so heartbreaking breaking up with someone you love. Heart

Something that might help is recognising that what she did was not your fault. She was responsible for her own actions. It sounds to me that you and her weren't really on the same page, so it was mature of you to end things. In the end, you need to do what's best for yourself. Sometimes, it can be better being alone than unhappy.
Reminding yourself why you broke up and thinking about the positives of being out of that relationship might help as well.

Do you have the support of any family or friends right now?

We have an article here that has some good advice about coping with being cheated on.

Re: Painful breakup

I do have support from my family and friends, they are really helping me thru this touch time, I just feel lost and broken😞😞 it just hurts a lot...

Re: Painful breakup

It hurts a lot😞🤕 I just can't believe she would do it to me🤕🤕 I am still in love with her🤕🤕 and we are still best friends but its kinda uncomfortable to talk to each other... I've never been friends with any of my exes... I talk to my family and friends about how I'm feeling and its helping but I'm still hurting🤕🤕😞😞

Re: Painful breakup

I text my friends and I do diamond art, and I also read to take my mind of things...😞 but it still hurts cuz I'm still in love with her... And we are still friends but its very uncomfortable for both of us...🤕🤕🤕 

Re: Painful breakup

Hi @Confused_fox
I'm so sorry you're going through a tough breakup. I know that at the best of times, breakups can be really hard, and when someone has cheated it can be even worse. I'm wondering if there are any ways that you could reframe your thinking about the situation. For example, sometimes a break-up can help us to understand more about ourselves. They can also help us to realise what we do and don't want in a relationship. For example, it might be important for you that your relationship is exclusive, and that your partner is honest with you. While the break up will definitely hurt for a little while, I'm wondering if there's anything positive you can take from this situation?

 

Also, I'm wondering if you are able to make some time away from being friends with your ex? It can be really difficult if you still move in the same friendship circles, but some of the best advice I ever received about break-ups is that your ex can't help you to get over your breakup with them. It's great that you're staying friends, but sometimes having a little bit of space can be better for your friendship in the long run. 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Painful breakup

Hey, @MisoBear  me and my ex ain't really talking much, I message her and let her reply when she wants to... Its just hard not to talk to her cuz before we became a couple we were best friends🤕🤕 it hurts that I couldn't save mine and her relationship but I'm trying to save mine and her friendship.... Its just very uncomfortable right now... Seeming we only break up yesterday...😞😞😞😭😭😭🤕🤕🤕

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Re: Painful breakup

hey @Confused_fox

 

I just wanted to check in with how you are feeling today. I know you are feeling down at the moment, and that is of course totally normal and totally ok, the first week after a break-up is often the most difficult for many many people. It's really important to give yourself space and let yourself be sad and process how you're feeling. While it's never pleasant to feel sad or upset, it's often better in the long term to take sometime to respect your emotions as they are happening. 

Part of this is giving yourself some space from your partner. It's natural that you want to reach out to the person who has been your major support for a long time, but considering the situation, it might be better to seek out some other supports. This could be a family member, another friend, or even a professional support - like a counsellor or mental health hotline. It totally makes sense that you would want to maintain the relationship you had as best friends but it's important to acknowledge that it may take sometime to return to a state of comfortable friendship. In the same way it took time for your feelings to grow from friendship into something more, it'll take some time from your relationship to morph into that of just friends.