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Parents hate my friends

My parents hate my friends. They don't like the way the dress and act but in reality they are really good and caring people and great friends. I've tried telling my parents about how good of friends they are to me but my parents are very judgemental and care more about the way my friends look than who they are on the inside. They think my friends are trying to grow up too fast but they just dress and act like every other teen my age. My parents grew up during a different age and times have changed a lot and u don't think they fully understand what teens during this time have to deal with and go through just to fit in and be "normal". My parents think I'm being influenced by these people but I'm just being who I am and they don't accept me as much for it. I'm always arguing with my parents and It's very frustrating, it's like nothing I do will please them. I find it hard to talk to them about stuff because I have little trust in them because they aren't very supportive of me.

Re: Parents hate my friends

Ugh, that sounds tough @Ally123. Judging people by the way they look isn't super cool, that must be sooo annoying to put up with! I haven't had an experience like this, partly because I'm very lucky and have accepting parents, but mostly because I hang out with boring responsible nerds lol. Maybe there are other people on the forums who can relate though? You said that you tried talking to them and it didn't really work. Do you think there's a different approach you can take?

 

Also welcome to RO Smiley Very Happy

Re: Parents hate my friends

@Ally123 I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time communicating with your parents and getting them to see things how you see them. Know that this is a common problem for teens and you're certainly not alone. I can relate to feeling like my parents aren't hearing me and don't get how I feel. Despite the difficulties with your parents, your feelings are valid. It sounds like your parents do care about you and want what is best for you, but they don't completely understand what this looks like to you. It sounds like you are content with who you are and with your friendship group, and yes what's on the inside definitely means far more than appearance and being a teen is a complicated time. 

 

What do you think might help you be able to communicate with your parents and for them to hear you? If you're having a lot of arguments, do you think it would help to start these conversation at a neutral time and place when everyone is calm? Often in the middle of an argument when everyone is grumpy and heated, people are only thinking about their feelings and not really listening to what the other person is saying. Or could you write down your feelings in a letter and give that to your parents? You've expressed yourself very clearly here and you could say something similar to your parents. When communicating with parents or anyone, it can help to start statements with "I feel..." rather than "you have said/done/made me feel..." We are often a lot better received when we are saying how we feel rather than sounding like we are accusing the other person. 

 

You also said you find it hard to talk about things in general with your parents because you don't feel they are supportive. Are you able to talk to your friends or do you have anyone else you're able to talk to about tough stuff like a counsellor, teacher, sibling etc.? 

Re: Parents hate my friends

Hey @Ally123

 

Sorry to hear the troubles you're having! Just an idea have your parents actually met your friends properly or do they just hear of them etc.? Maybe invite them around to your house whilst your parents are home or over for dinner to show your parents they're good people? Goodluck!

Re: Parents hate my friends

Hey there @Ally123

 

I'm really sorry to hear that your in this situation. It's really tough! It's great that you have reached out because there will be so many people in the forums who will understand how you are feeling. You aren't alone!

 

I can empathise with how your feeling, I used to be constantly questioned by my parents on who I was hanging out with and their influence on me. I felt like they would judge them on how they looked, as opposed to who they were.

I found one thing that really helped with my situation (it may work for you, it may not and that's okay!) was actually inviting my friends over for dinner so my parents could get to know them. After a few times, my parents relaxed and realised they were actually awesome people that they could trust. 

 

Do you think that could help?

 

Re: Parents hate my friends

I definitely agree @amypond that is a great idea!

Re: Parents hate my friends

Hey @Ally123 I'm so sorry to hear this. It really must suck; but there have been some amazing suggestions so far! Have any of them helped? Is there any way we could help you further with this? One thought that I had was in addition to your parents meeting your friends, also have them meet your friends parent's. That way they can see what kind of parenting they do, and if it's good it may improve your chances for your parents seeing things from your point of view.

Hope that help, always here for you Smiley Wink

Re: Parents hate my friends

Hi @Ally123

I wanted to check in on you and see how the situation was going? 

 

Re: Parents hate my friends

I'm still not completely sure of what to do but I think I may go with the idea of having dinner or lunch with my family and friends together. Thankyou for all the help!!

Re: Parents hate my friends

Wow what great suggestions by everyone! I think having a lunch or dinner together would be a really nice way for your parents to see what you do- sounds like your friends are really lovely people!! Good luck with everything @Ally123 let us know how things go Smiley Happy