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Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Sorry to start a whole new thread but I kind of felt like it was time. 

Trigger warning ahead for hospital trauma stuff.

 

So I just got out of hospital yesterday and it was a pretty traumatic admission a lot of the first few days is kind of blurry I just remember being very scared, trying to run away and having a lot of times where the wardsmen came and restrained me while a nurse gave me an injection. They started me on some medication and I was pretty groggy for a while and then the last few days it was ok I guess I saw my psychiatrist today and they said I seemed a lot better and that I needed to stay on the medication and I asked how long and they said possibly forever but at least a year with no hospital admissions or issues and then we could talk about it. I asked them about the whole diagnosis thing because the hospital staff had been saying that they didn’t know and that they couldn’t figure it out but my psychiatrist said it was schizoaffective disorder and that that was now confirmed. 

 

I am not sure how to feel now I guess the other beings I am not hearing as much as before and I am less scared that everyone is trying to kill me and people look more like people but I still feel weird in general and don’t know what to think uni is starting back soon and I have enrolled for this semester so that may be a good distraction but I feel like my whole world has been shaken and everything just feels weird and I can’t remember all of what I was thinking before but I guess I just don’t know what to think now. But I am really having trouble with the medication thing I hate the idea of being on medication in general but this medication has some pretty bad side effects that can come up with long term use and idk I just feel like maybe it is all just like a lie. I know my psychiatrist and psychologist keep saying that I need medication and that I keep experiencing certain things because I have a mental illness but I just like I am not sure if I can’t accept it or idk I just feel like maybe I don’t and I am trying to believe them but I just can’t fully accept it deep down like maybe they are wrong. 

 

Sorry this is getting long I just don’t know where to go from here and I feel like I have just been shaken up and spun around in a washing machine and then people want me to walk in a straight line when I am really dizzy. I don’t know how to make sense of everything. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I just typed all this so this may answer your question lol. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717, I'm sorry you had such a rough time in hospital and it sounds like it was very scary Smiley Sad How do you feel about the diagnosis being confirmed? I'm really glad to hear you're not hearing as much and you're not as scared, things sounded so intense leading up to hospital.. It's really understandable to feel shaken up by this whole experience.. Smiley Sad I hear the medication seems to have decreased the intensity of stuff but you're also worried about long-term effects Smiley Sad Have you discussed these concerns with your psychiatrist?

Hehe I like your washing machine analogy! Smiley Happy No one expects you to bounce straight back after all of this! And if they did, they shouldn't! Just take it easy, okay? Smiley Happy Have you thought about journaling your thoughts to try and make sense of stuff? This sometimes helps me? Just a suggestion Smiley Tongue

Has your family been supportive through all this? Are you able to connect with your pets at all again? I know you were feeling incredibly isolated and stressed before so I just wanted to check in if things have changed at all with feeling connected?

I'm really glad you're safe Eden1717 Smiley Happy
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  Yeah I kind of did but he said because I wasn’t having too many bad side effects at the moment to just see how it goes. He wants to see me in a few weeks anyway. I have been able to be with my pets more and my family has been ok. I am trying to take it easy but idk I am not good at that. I am just really feeling weird about the medication like I keep feeling scared that I will always need to take it or that I don’t actually need to take it and that I am fine without it and I should just stop taking it because there is nothing wrong with me and I am just weak or bad at dealing with stress or making it all up for attention even though I am not but I keep thinking these things. Idk I just don’t know what to think. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717  It makes me sad that it was a traumatic admission, but I'm glad that you're safe now. Heart It sounds like a pretty overwhelming experience, especially with the diagnosis and new medication, and I'm glad you managed to get through it. It's great that your family has been okay about the whole thing.
How have you been feeling now that you've been discharged?
I can understand you being worried about the potential side effects of the medication. Do you think it could be worthwhile asking about your risk of developing these side effects?

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717 I'm so glad to see you back.

 

With medication, I know I'll probably be on mine for a while, if not forever. 

I did have some less than fun side effects with my meds, but after getting them adjusted I think I'm on the best combination I could be on for me now, and it's really helping, even though it took a few goes.

If anything starts going wrong, it's always possible to adjust the meds if you ask your psychiatrist.

 

One quote I found somewhere is that you can't recover in the same environment that hurt you.

If your medication takes you out of that situation, maybe you can start to move forward until you won't need it anymore.

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hi @Eden1717, I'm really glad to hear from you again. It sounds like it was a really scary and disorienting experience. It's ok to take your time processing and recovering.

 

I'm really glad to hear things are less intense with the fear and the other beings. And that your family's been ok through this.

 

Sending caring vibes your way ♥️

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

It's great to hear you're feeling more connected with your pets Smiley Happy I don't think you should stop taking your meds without first consulting a doctor Smiley Sad Tiny Leaf made some really great points about coping with being on meds long term
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@WheresMySquishy @Tiny_leaf @hellofriend @Lost_Space_Explorer5  Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I am not planing to stop without talking to my psychiatrist first but speaking of I just went down to the chemist to get some more of the medication and they said they didn’t have any after telling me to wait 15 mins and that they did have some then I get it back it is the wrong one and they said they didn’t have the one I needed in stock. Just to make this whole situation easier now I have to go round seeing if any of the chemists have any of the one I need and I really don’t feel like doing that today. I don’t know why this has to be so hard I am already having trouble taking it and now I can’t even find it. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 

Thanks for clarifying what you meant Smiley Happy It sounds so frustrating and annoying having to go around looking for where you can find your medication. It sounds like this has really brought you down *sending hugs* Smiley Sad If only there was some way you could just look it up online or something, I'm pretty sure this doesn't exist but I guess we can always dream Smiley Tongue Heart