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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Oh happy birthday for when it was then! Yeah I get what you mean when you feel like everything is pointing towards dying.. like the universe wants you gone and it's all a joke. I've felt similar before Smiley Sad It's a really crappy feeling. I think it gives you a sense of control over something at least noticing all those things... But they are just coincidences I think, or our perceptual biases. I really want you to be safe @Eden1717 Smiley Sad Please stick around.. I think trying to get some rest for now is definitely the better option. Are you saying you can't call for help because you feel as though people want to hurt you?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm so sorry you're not wanting to be here @Eden1717. I really do hope you choose to sleep on it though and keep yourself safe tonight because we REALLY care about you on here and would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to you. I know I certainly would be anyway. PLEASE stay safe!!! PLEASE!! I know it's hard and things might seem pointless right now and as though you're not being heard and your needs aren't being met, but please remember how strong you are. I really do hope you can find some of that inner strength to push through this. I know you have it in you! Hang in there okay. Please just focus on keeping yourself safe for tonight. I really care about you and just want you to be safe okay? Please? Can you try do that for us? Thinking of you. ❤

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm hear you loud and clear @Eden1717. I know you've tried so hard with the CATT team and even crisis lines. That in itself is exhausting, never-mind the lack of sleep. You mentioned that every time you lay down to relax, you cry - I just want to say that it is okay to cry Heart Yes, the emotions that come up are a lot to process but it is our bodies way of self-soothing. Also, I am about to send you an email because you have mentioned some things here that have got me very worried for you, so look out for that. 

 

@MB95 and @Lost_Space_Explorer5 you are both such good friends Heart 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

How was the rest of last night @Eden1717? No need to reply today cause I understand how exhausted you are right now. I just really hope you're keeping yourself safe and you take @Bre-RO up on her support in your email. We really want you to stay safe and look after yourself as best you can atm. I know it's hard, but I also know you can do it. We believe in you and know you have the strength to keep going even if you might not want to and things suck. I don't have super great advice atm but just want to make sure you're aware of how much we care about you!!! I'm sure you're brain is trying to tell you otherwise atm, but like I said to lost, you two have become such supportive and close friends of mine. I know it's weird and we've never met but I REALLY care about you. PLEASE keep yourself safe. Look after yourself and remember we are here when you need us or just want to chat about random things like sea slugs! ❤

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717, I just want to check in to see how things are going. Are things any less intense? Smiley Sad

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717, I hope you're doing okay. Been thinking of you today ❤ 

I really hope this doesn't make things worse, I promise I'm in no way trying to ignore how intense things are for you at the moment but I was hoping that maybe if I shared some silly images with you about sea slugs then we might be able to get you to crack a little smile? Idk. It may not work but I'm not great with words myself atm, especially around suicide cause I'm struggling myself, so I thought I'd try some funny memes instead? Hope they at least make you smile a teeny tiny bit today! Hang in there and please excuse some of the naughtiness but I also felt like I had to share them.. hopefully I don't get in trouble for posting them! 😂 200% worth it though if it makes you smile!!! I know you've got this. 

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Okay so they aren't all sea slugs.. ya got me! But I hope they made your lips curve up even the slightest!! Thinking of you ❤

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Just a quick message to say we're thinking of you! 💙

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95  thank you all for the support i really really appreciate it and i am really sorry i haven't replied until now @MB95  the slug memes did make me smile lol. I am sadly back in the hospital again which sucks and is making me really scared because i am still super scared about the doctors and stuff and i wouldnt even talk to them the first day and then i did because they kept getting mad at me and now i regret it because they are keeping me here and all i want to do is leave. i feel like i have ruined everything and i am so so scared they want me to start 2 new medications and i really dont want to but i dont know what will happen if i refuse i just want to go home and i keep getting nurses i dont click with so i cant talk to them either and idk what to do i am just a little freaked out.  

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Aww @Eden1717 , I'm really sorry to hear that. There is absolutely no need to apologise, you just reply in your own time when you are ready okay? We will always be here 💙

 

I'm so sorry you're back in hospital. I know how scared that places makes you and it's showing through in your message. I can't imagine it would be easy not being able to click with any of the nurses. Is there anyone you could maybe call to visit? Or someone you could just call to have a chat with? I understand they won't be able to fix anything but a familiar voice or face might help you feel a little more at ease? Like what about maybe calling your mum? I'm assuming your parents are aware you're in hospital? 

 

If there's anything we can do to help please don't hesitate to ask, we're here! I'm really sorry you're going through such a difficult time at the moment. Hang in there okay, we're all thinking of you and sending lots of supportive hugs! 

 

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*this is the best I could find with slug hugs lol* 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  my mum has visited me which is nice of her. idk i am just still really scared because i still think the doctors here last time put a device in me and are trying to kill me and they keep asking me what is going on and i dont want to talk about it with them the people i am scared of and idk it is complicated and if i tell a nurse i am feeling bad all they offer me is meds which i am too scared to take because i dont think they are really medications anyway so i just keep ignoring everyone and listening to my music and not telling them things. 

 

TW for food stuff and hospital experiences 

I haven't eaten anything here since i got here because i am scared of what is in the food and i am struggling to even drink the water but they dont know this. I also tried to run away and was brought back by security when i arrived at the ed cause i got scared and tried to leave and got taken to a secure area which just freaked me out even more. 

 

i am just really scared and i dont know what to do i am trying so hard to stay calm and just listen to my music and stuff but it is so hard and i keep getting really panicked i just really dont want to be here.