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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717, I am so sorry to hear that you are faced with some frightening choices. I can tell how scared and worried all of this is making you feel Smiley Sad Your time at hospital has been really difficult and intense. Sending all my strength to you, we are all thinking of you.
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Eeeek! It sure sounds like you have some tough decisions to be making! I'm sorry that you're feeling so scared right now, I can't imagine being in that position and not being terrified to be honest. I'm just wondering, and don't share this if you don't feel comfortable, but are you in a mental health hospital or just in the general hospital? Like, the nurses and doctors working with you - do they have MH training? I'm also wondering if you've seen someone specific for the eating issues since being there? I think it's extremely important you start eating and drinking because your body needs it, just don't force yourself. Take your time with it, as long as you are trying to do the right thing and take in the nutrients you need then I'm sure they'll understand. I know it sucks and the idea of injections and a drip is scary but they also have a duty of care to keep you alive and keep you safe and if you're not eating or drinking that's kinda the only option they're left with.. it may seem harsh and I'm really sorry they don't seem to be showing too much empathy towards your feelings at the moment, but I do think it's a positive thing they are doing what they can to keep you alive. We're here to help talk things through and comfort you if needed, don't forget that okay? We are in your corner 100%, we just want you to be safe okay?!?! How about maybe giving your mum a call if you haven't already and getting her to bring you in some food and drinks? That way it's at least something you like and are more willing to eat? 

 

I'm thinking of you @Eden1717 and am so sorry this is all happening!!! I really hope you're able to eat and drink something soon to avoid the drip cause that's never a fun time. And as for the meds, I understand how much you don't want to take them but do you think you could maybe at least give them a try? Or even have a chat to your mum about them first? Cause at least you trust her and her opinion? She might be able to give you another perspective and help you feel more at ease with everything? Hang in there okay, you're so much stronger than you think 💙

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717I'm really sorry to hear this is happening Smiley Sad I can't imagine how terrifying it would be to have the possibility of getting injections and a drip against your will.. Especially when you think they could be harmful and that the doctors are trying to hurt you. It really really makes sense that you would want to escape, I think I probably would too Smiley Sad But I don't know if that's the safest option right now, with your suicidal thoughts being so bad at the moment. It must have felt so scary and invalidating for the doctor to keep repeating that, how awful Smiley Sad Do you have any nice nurses today that you could try and chat to about this? Or perhaps you could talk with us about the fears around the food at the hospital and the medication if it could help with feeling less alone?

It seems like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place at the moment hey... I mean, from our perspective, we don't want you to starve or be really dehydrated as that's really dangerous, so we can see why the doctors would want to give you a drip. And we don't want you to have these horrible thoughts and scary experiences and the medication is supposed to help with that... But at the same time we hear how scary that would be. Medication and needles can be scary on their own without the extra fear of them possibly hurting you or doing something sinister...

If you do end up being forced into this (I hope it doesn't and you're able to eat/drink/take your meds), we are here for you (well we're here either way). You don't have to go through this alone

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Taylor-RO  thanks

@MB95  I am in a psychiatric ward of a hospital and the nurses are supposed to have mental health training some of them just suck though. i have not seen anyone specific about the eating issues. 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  well i didnt manage to escape anyway so that didnt work. there are no nice nurses on at the moment who i could talk to. 

 

so i did something kind of maybe bad or that could get me in trouble. i just panicked my nurse was really mean she came to give me my meds and was like "hurry up i have other people to see" and i said i was trying and that i was just really scared and then she was like "well hurry up then or do you want the injection" and i said no and i panicked and i put the tablets in my mouth and pretended to swallow them but i hid them instead and she even checked my mouth but not that part and i spat the meds out and flushed them and now i am so panicked i obviously cant tell them or they will give me an injection but the nurse was just so mean and i was so scared and i was going to try but i just freaked out and panicked and now i dont know what to do. if they find out i will be in so much trouble ugh anyway i feel horrible and i just want to go home. and i am so thirsty but i am still too scared to drink. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Ah okay, I'm sorry to hear that.. it's pretty disappointing really. That's why I thought I'd ask if they have MH training. Do you think it might be beneficial so see someone who specialises in eating disorders? Like I'm not saying you have one, I just don't know what you call those professionals? But wondering if maybe they might understand a bit more and be able to help form some sort of a plan with you? Idk. Do you have a case manager or anyone you can liase with that can organise all that sort of stuff? Like even maybe working with an OT and social worker? Idk. I'm just trying to think of other professions which you might find helpful if the nurses and doctors aren't working out? Although I think most of the time you've kinda gotta have some sort of plan with your meds sorted out first? Sorry, I really wish I could be better help!!

 

I'm really annoyed the nurse made you feel scared about taking the meds. It's not your fault, that was a huge step that you were willing to give them a go so I think you should be proud of yourself for that cause I know it wouldn't have been easy. But as for the hiding and flushing.. maybe not your finest moment, but these things happen! Could you maybe just wait and try again tomorrow? And make it clear to the nurse that you need some time to take them. They might even be able to schedule you last so they aren't in a hurry? 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Wow that does not sound like a supportive nurse at all @Eden1717 Smiley Sad Ugh I don't understand.. like you would think they'd be in the job for a reason, because they care and want to listen. I guess she was busy but that's not really an excuse. I can understand why you cheeked the meds, it must've felt like there was no other option.. I'm a little disappointed the nurse didn't check thoroughly.. usually they make you drink a lot of water with the meds to make sure but I guess that wasn't really an option.

How're you going today?
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Aww @Eden1717 all of that sounds so scary and demeaning. I'm so deeply sorry you were spoken to that way by the nurse, as if it wasn't hard enough for you right now. How are you doing today? We're all of thinking of you. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95  today has been hard but thankfully i havent had to talk to the doctors again or that same nurse, my nurse today isnt very good though and i am meant to be on supervised meals but no one has even tried to make me go up for a meal today so i have been quietly not reminding them about that. i also dont think she will check if i have taken my meds or not so that is good. they still dont know about last night but if they find out i will be in huge trouble. all the other patients i had been talking too have now left so i have no one to talk to anymore and have just been sitting by myself listening to music i havent drunk anything in 2 days now and it hurts but my friend is coming to visit today and will bring me something to drink so that should be good. i have been feeling really scared all day but i am just hoping i can find a way to escape before they figure out i am not taking the meds. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm sorry to hear that the other patients you had been talking to have left @Eden1717, I can imagine that that would make things feel a lot more lonely. It's good to hear that your friend is coming to see you today though! You should definitely update us on how that goes when you can Smiley Happy You mentioned that something happened last night, did you just mean that you didn't take your medication?

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717 How was the visit from your friend? Smiley Happy Did they bring bring you a whole lot of water? Cause it sounds like you really need it Smiley Sad It's really really dangerous to go for days without fluids... Food is one thing but I really want you to be safe and healthy. Even if that means them giving you a drip... I know.. But like you could literally die from not drinking and you know that, it's just so dangerous.

Also... while I'm glad you didn't get into trouble with the not taking the meds, I'm a bit worried. If they think you're on a dose your not on, they may try increasing it and miscommunication with doctors is dangerous.

I feel like this is a pretty negative post sorry Smiley Sad I just want you to be safe. I don't think escaping is the best idea for your safety either...

I'm sorry the patients you were talking to have left, that sucks, it must be really isolating in there

Anyway, how did the rest of the day go? How did the listening to music go?