Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Eden1717]

@Hannah-RO  I will try to be less descriptive.

so today has been difficult the doctors didnt see me again which was ok because i was very scared of having to see them anyway. I am still having trouble with my eating and drinking and i am still hiding the medications. i am really scared the doctors will find out what is going on because they upped the dose and anyway the point is i am scared. i just want to go home. 

[MB95]

That's okay for disappearing on me, I'm just glad you're safe! I'm sorry to hear you had a panic attack, they are never any fun to experience. Were you able to get any sleep or rest today? 

I'm sorry to hear how scared you still are about things. Do you know if that nicer nurse will be on again anytime soon? Do you think you might be able to tell her about the meds? I'm just worried about what may happen if this keeps going on. I really don't want you to end up worse off than you are now cause it sounds as though you have it hard enough as it is? 

[Andrea-RO]

that does sound like a really exhausting day @Eden1717, have they told you when you'll be able to see a doctor? Do you think you'd feel better being able to prepare for your appointment? Have you had a conversation with anyone about when you'll be able to go home?

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Eden1717, don't want to bombard you with questions, no rush replying  was just wondering if you'd been able to see that nurse again that you liked that you saw the other day? We're thinking of you.

[MB95]

Just checking in to see how things are going? Thinking of you!! 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @Eden1717, I hope stuff is going as okay as it can be right now, we're here for you and thinking of you

[Eden1717]

@Hannah-RO @MB95 @Lost_Space_Explorer5  thanks for checking in the last few days have been hectic. so basically on Thursday i get given papers saying that the doctor wants to put me on a 6 month treatment order and then literally 5 minutes later the doctor comes out and wants to speak to me and basically says that he thinks i am making everything up for attention and that i just want to be in hospital and that i am a faker and and attention seeker and that i can go home the next day but that he wants to speak to my mum first. the next day i am thinking i am going home the doctor speaks with my mum and doesnt let me come into the room he is in there speaking to her for over an hour and a half. my mum then comes out and says she has to leave because she is running late and will see me later and then i get called in to see the doctor who proceeds to say that he now thinks i have a serious mental illness and that he has gone back to wanting to put me  on a 6 month treatment order and that he will see me in court on monday and that if i dont start taking the medications that night i will be getting an injection. 

my mum filled me in on the conversation she had with him today and i wont go into it here because it is kind of very personal but there was and is a lot going on and i am feeling very confused and weird about it all. 

i have the tribunal hearing on monday for the treatment order and if it goes through i have to stay in hospital as long as the doctor wants but if it doesnt i can leave i am still really scared of the doctors and not talking to them much and i am still having trouble eating and drinking and i want to run away i dont know what else to do everything is a mess. 

[Sophia-RO]

That does sounds really difficult @Eden1717, I am sorry to hear that you have been going through that over the last few days. I can’t imagine how upsetting those comments must be from the doctor and how confusing it must be for you to be told one thing and then something different soon after. It is good that your mum has been involved and that she was able to explain what the doctor said to her. I hope that you were left feeling a bit less confused. I can understand that you are feeling scared about Monday, it does seem like a big day. I hope that you have been able to get some rest and that you are feeling a bit better today.

[MB95]

I'm not entirely sure what to say sorry.. @Eden1717. That sounds like such a full on few days and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can't imagine adding a tribunal to everything is helping either, that must feel so overwhelming. I'm sorry the doctor said you were faking it, I'm sure you're not. And even if you were, faking a mental illness is not easy or a 'normal' thing to do which generally indicates underlying issues so he should have never said that to you. I'm sorry you had to hear that. Just remember how you feel IS valid and it's not up to him to make that decision. I am relieved your mum has been there though and that you're able to debrief a bit with her. Do you think now that it's come to this you might be able to try taking the medications? I know you don't want too, but surely it's better than having injections? I know it's hard to see and may not seem like it but I'm sure they are only requesting this because they care and want you to stay alive and safe. It's a tough one, but I do think that if your mum has spoken to them then they are only trying to do this for the right reasons. I'm so sorry you're going through this, I can't even imagine how scared you must be feeling. Just remember we are always here to listen okay? If there is anything we can do to help please just say so! I'm thinking of you and hoping tomorrow runs as smoothly as possible for you 💙

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @Eden1717, it's good to hear from you and that you are somewhat okay. I'm sorry your experiences with the doctors have been so horrible, I can't imagine how scary and confusing that would be. I don't understand why they would say they think you're attention seeking and making it up, you shouldn't say that to anyone. And I agree with MB95, even if a person was to make stuff up or be 'attention seeking' there's nothing wrong with that and it can be a sign that something is wrong anyway. I don't get why people say 'attention seeking' is bad, like, it's a sign that you need help either way. Or that a particular behaviour has worked for you in the past.

Anyway, I went on a bit of an ethical tangent there... How are you feeling? Going to tribunal can be really intense and if you do get put under an order it can leave you feeling trapped and like you don't have a say in anything. Have you been allowed to go on leave while you've been in hospital? And do you have access to resources who can advocate for your rights in there? Have you consulted with legal aid about your tribunal?

I'm really glad your mum is acting as such a strong support for you at the moment