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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Andrea-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95  thanks for being around last night and sorry i disappeared to be honest i dont remember a big chunk of last night i just remember i was feeling really bad. in some ways i feel a little better today but i also feel really weird like really off like something weird is about to happen and the last time i felt like this was just before i ended up manic so idk what is going to happen but i guess we will see anyway i am really struggling with the meds issue today like for some reason i just really dont want to take them like i didnt take them until like 5am last night or well this morning and then i didnt take the morning ones until like 2pm today and i just keep delaying it and delaying it and idk i just i really dont want to do it and like i still dont have a case manager so literally no one would even find out and it isnt like anyone is going to know so like why should i put myself through the stress of taking them if i dont really have to. idk i dont know how to explain all the things i am thinking there is just a lot going through my head right now. 

 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

That's what we're here for @Eden1717  Smiley Happy 

 

I can totally understand why you'd be hesitant to take your medication, especially since you've been uncomfortable taking them for a little while. I do really want to strongly encourage you to keep taking your medication, especially since both your doctor and psych are really strongly advocating for you to do so. They have your best interests at heart and I think it would be a good idea to listen to them. You mentioned the other day that you had even noticed that some of your negative symptoms like hallucinations and scary thoughts had gone down, and there's a good chance that's because of the medication you're taking. 

If you like, we can be with you while you take it tonight? Do you think that would help?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I agree with @Andrea-RO that it's a good idea you keep taking them - remember our pros and cons list? Do you think maybe talking through some of the pros might help? Especially considering how you're feeling at the moment I think it might be wise to stick to them because you don't want to be brining on a manic episode and landing yourself in hospital again!! I'm also wondering if maybe the fact you're not taking the meds consistently, like not to a schedule, if maybe that's contributing to how you're feeling? I know when I don't take mine at the scheduled times it can really knock me round - mentally and physically. Just wondering if you have a scheduled time you're meant to take them and if we might be able to help set something up to help with that? 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Andrea-RO @MB95  I dont know I really dont want to take it at all tonight and as for the time thing it just says to take it at night. I really dont know what to do like i am trying to believe everyone and trying to think that maybe the meds are something i need to take but there is this part of me that is just screaming at me to not do it for some reason and i dont know why exactly like i really dont and i am just like i dont even know what to do like honestly i dont even know how to explain it like in my head it is like no you arent sick you dont need meds just dont take them and then also it is like i am scared of them for some reason and then also i just feel really agitated like there is this ball of energy inside me that is about to explode and i dont even know i just want to scream and ugh i literally cant explain how i am feeling and that is annoying me like i am annoyed at myself. anyway i dont want to take them and i dont know exactly why. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

That's fair enough @Eden1717. And I do get what you're saying, it must be so frustrating for you to go through every time! So are they just night ones then? Or morning and night? I just got confused sorry.. it's been a long day 🙃 Would it help if we maybe set up a time for you to take them each day? So it's the same time, or maybe within the same 2hr period each day? And I'd even be willing to jump on and try be here with you to help you through the process if you like and feel that maybe having someone hold you accountable may help? Idk. Just a suggestion! I just want you to be safe and preferably avoid having another manic episode and I really do think the meds will help avoid that. I 100% get the whole 'you're not even sick' thing. I struggle alot with that myself. But I guess I've had to try hard over the past year to convince myself that my doctor knows what she's doing and that she wouldn't have put me on medication in the first place if she didn't think I needed them. It's a hard concept to grasp and I haven't fully grasped it but sometimes it helps when I can convince myself of that. I'm having my own med troubles atm so really do get it. But honestly, we did notice a bit of a change in you and the fact you've noticed it in the past too is such a great sign and a huge reason why I think you should try your best to see the good in them and keep taking them. At least on a regular basis for the 6wks. I think it's important you give them a chance to at least try and do their job causr imagine how much easier life would be for you if they worked! 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

?that's a really fantastic idea @MB95 ! What are your thoughts @Eden1717

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Andrea-RO @MB95  it is really nice of you all to be willing to help so much but i feel like i am just dragging you into my mess plus idk having a set time period might just make me stressed about that time period instead of just stressed in general. idk like i get that the idea is to get me to take the meds but for some reason every part of me is like doing everything it can to get away from them. i am not even sure that i will end up manic i am just noticing that the other time i felt like this was before that but that doesnt mean anything really like anything could happen. oh the meds are morning and night and anyway i just dont want to drag people into my mess when i dont feel like i can 100% promise anything. idk maybe i am just feeling too weird right now like i am so agitated i cant sit still and i feel super on edge like i just dont feel right at all. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Good morning @Eden1717 I'm sorry to read through how upset and on edge you felt last night. All of the feelings you have around taking medication are not only understandable but really common - I know I have sat in the same space you are in before, it's uncomfortable and unsettling, so I am really feeling for you. You are not dragging us into your mess at all but I also think that it's very valid that you would end up feeling stressed about having a parameters set up around your medication. @MB95 I think it is so incredibly kind that you want to help so much that you would make those suggestions, honestly it brings a smile to my face to see how much you care about each other - I do think it's important to mention though, that when it comes to medication that we steer clear from giving each other too much direction with that. Even though all of our hearts would be in the right place, it does edge onto giving medical advice and that's something best left for @Eden1717 to decide with their support network. 

 

Sending you both a big hug for being such exceptionally amazing human beings. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO  now I feel like I have gotten everyone into trouble. Maybe I just won’t talk about meds anymore. 

 

I am still feeling super agitated this morning and really off and not right and idk how long this is going to last but it is super uncomfortable I want to scream but I know that won’t actually help anything at all. Everything is just super intense at the moment and idk what to do. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Heya @Eden1717 just wanna make sure that everyone knows that nobody is in trouble at all, no guidelines were broken - we just want to make sure that we aren't getting into the realm of giving medical advice. We also think you are best person to make those calls about medication for yourself. There is absolutely no problems with you talking about your experience with meds, we want to be here to listen to you. 

 

I'm sorry to hear how uncomfortable you're feeling today, I'm here to listen to you get anything off your chest that you need to talk about.