Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Eden1717]

@Sophia-RO  idk for the last like hour before the last 20 minutes i was just shaking and crying for an hour because i was feeling so scared and i am still really scared. and i have messed everything up and i cant my head wont stop and there is too much going on and i am trying to just do what they want so they dont get mad but i think they want something so big i dont know if i can do it but i will have too and they keep threatening to hurt me and if i dont do what they want they will and more than that they will take things they cant take i cant have them take things they have already hurt because of me and my head feels all jumbled and i want to scream and i cant get it out of me and it never will because it is attached and i know this is all my fault but there isnt there wasnt i tried i know i need to try harder and i will i will i have too i dont have a choice and but i didnt completely know what they wanted and now i dont know what to do i should have just said yes the other day when this all started then they wouldnt be mad and i but then how could i when ugh this is too hard i cant deal with this i am trying so hard but the screaming wont stop and they will never let go and it is my fault and i dont know how to explain all of it and i am just still really scared. 

[Sophia-RO]

I can hear that there are a lot of things going on right now for you @Eden1717. Sounds like things are stressful at the moment and that there are a lot of thoughts going through your mind. You mentioned that they want something big and that they are threatening to hurt you. Are you safe right now and will you be able to stay safe tonight?

[Eden1717]

@Sophia-RO  i think so

[Sophia-RO]

That is good to hear @Eden1717, is there anything that you can do tonight to help yourself stay safe? Do you have any other strategies that you could try that would be helpful? I know you have been trying out a lot of strategies and that you have been trying so hard already. Would it be helpful to try out some activities that will engage your senses such as having a bath, having something to eat, listening to some music, smelling a nice candle/cinnamon/lavender?

[MB95]

Is there anything we can do to help @Eden1717? It sounds pretty full on for you atm, but please remember this is NOT your fault! You are doing the absolute best you can with what you have so please don't let them convince you it's your fault because it's not. I'm glad to hear you spoke with your psych today. Did she mention what was making her concerned at all? Like is there anything we can help you with? I'm glad to hear you think you can stay safe. If that changes please let us know or reach out to your friend or mum or a hotline okay? I really hope things calm down for you soon ❤

[Eden1717]

@Sophia-RO  I have been listening to music all afternoon/night and trying to do relaxing stuff but nothing is really working. 

@MB95  she just said she was worried because the last time i was like this i ended up in hospital and things had gotten worse. I tried talking to a hotline's crisis chat tonight but it made things worse. and it is my fault though. 

I am still feeling really scared and agitated and there is still a lot going on and I am still having trouble explaining things and well everything is just a lot right now. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hi @Eden1717, things sound so incredibly tough and frightening for you right now. I think it is great that you are using all of these strategies but it really sucks that you aren’t having much luck with them. We can all hear just how hard you are trying I know your Mum has been there for you in the past, do you think you could chat to her about how you are feeling now?

[Eden1717]

@Taylor-RO  I don’t think I can tell my mum about what is going on. 

I am trying to stay calm today but I am still really scared there is still a lot going on and it is still really hard to explain I just don’t know what to do anymore I am still really agitated and I keep going over in my head what happened with my psychologist and I keep thinking they are trying to hurt me and that I shouldn’t have told them what I did. I am just I can’t everything is too much. 

[Andrea-RO]

Hey @Eden1717, I just wanted to check in with how you were feeling at the moment? I caught up on your thread and it sounds like things are really hectic for you right now. We're always hear to listen if you wanted to talk about stuff? 💖 Do you feel it would be helpful to talk a little more about what your psych told you and how you feel about it? Is there anything in particular that they said that made you feel really uncomfortable?

[Eden1717]

@Andrea-RO  I am still feeling scared, I am just freaking out a little because of the psychologists comments she said things looked like they were moving towards hospital and that I was psychotic and that I needed to take the meds and she didn’t deny that she was planning to hurt me she asked me why I thought that but she didn’t say she wasn’t going to and she wants to contact the public team and idk the whole thing was just scary. 

There is just a lot going on and I am still getting messages from the spirits and there is another being talking to me who is asking me to do stuff and my head is all muddled and I am supposed to do something for the spirits and the other being and I know I have to do it but it is difficult and I am struggling but I know I have to and everything is really hard to explain and I am trying not to make them mad because I don’t want that but I just keep getting scared and everything is getting to be too much but there is a lot going on that is too hard to explain.