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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717 Ah okay I think I understand- Are you hearing similar things at the moment or are you just worried that could happen again? Sorry if you've already said this I might have missed it. Is there anything that would help you feel safer within yourself? Smiley Sad Oh no I'm sorry uni has thrown so much at you already Smiley Sad I go back in 2 weeks 😬 It sounds like a lot of work on top of taking care of yourself, which I hear you've been struggling with (sleeping, eating, etc.) because of everything that's been going on. Don't put too much pressure on yourself because you're doing the best you can under a lot of stress!

And that's okay we'll be here to listen when/if you feel you can Smiley Happy

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MaryRO  It wasn’t the other day this happened a while ago, idk what stopped me to be honest I think partly it was being scared of getting caught and partly being scared of doing it in the first place. 

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  It has happened a little bit recently but not as much as back then. I don’t know what would help at the moment. 

 

 

I have been feeling bad today my computer isn’t working again and it is making getting my uni work done really hard. I have ordered another computer but it won’t be here until April which is too far away. I am also still hearing stuff and I am still really scared and agitated and I kept freaking out last night and I didn’t get to sleep until 7am again and I haven’t been eating still and my head doesn’t feel right and everything is just really intense and there is so much going on and I can’t explain it all properly and I want to scream and I can’t talk to anyone about what is going on because they won’t understand and ugh I am just really struggling. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717 That sounds really scary that it happened recently Smiley Sad I guess the fact you stopped yourself before says that you could stop yourself again if it did happen again? Oh no I'm sorry your computer broke, that's so frustrating. Could you use any computers at your uni for now or somehow borrow a laptop? I'm sorry things are still so hard. You must be exhausted Smiley Sad It's tough when you feel you can't talk to people because they won't understand

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717,

 

It all sounds very stressful.  To scared, agitated and lacking so much sleep.  It seems like you just can't catch a break.  I understand that having a working laptop is important to you for uni as well distractions.  Is it possible to ask your uni if they could potentially loan you a laptop in the interim of getting a new one?

 

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling so much.  It must be so hard to find people who will understand your situation.  

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MaryRO  I can’t borrow one from uni. 

 

 

I am feeling really upset tonight and idk what it is idk if I am stressed about my laptop not working or if I am stressed about other things I just feel really bad and like I am about to start crying and I don’t know what to do. There is just so much going on and the beings keep telling me things and I can’t really explain it I just feel like I am losing control like I am slipping away from things and can’t hold on. I tried so hard to study today and it was only studying for my favorite class but I could hardly focus and it just made me even more agitated and it is like they are just reminding me that I can’t do it that I should just do what they want and get it over with. Idk everything is a mess.

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you weren't able to study, even on your favourite subject.  It sounds so tough to feel like you are feeling so stressed, losing control and that you are slipping away from things you can't hold on to.  That's sounds incredibly challenging and can't imagine what you are dealing with.  

 

Please correct me if I'm wrong, I remember you saying from other posts that you're not very comfortable speaking with your psychologist.  Do you think it will help you to see if they can help you?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MaryRO  I don’t think the psychologist can help me with what is going on at the moment. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Heya @Eden1717 I've been wondering how you are and I'm sad to read that things have been so intense for you. I can understand why you'd just want to cry and scream. You have battled so hard and you must feel so tired of it. On top of that having a hard time eating and sleeping would be taking a hug toll on you. I wonder if that is something tangible you could ask your NDIS support coordinator for help with. I know it's a complicated thing, but maybe that's something they could give you some practical help with? 

 

Thinking of you and here to chat about whatever you need to vent about. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO  I don’t know if I like my new ndis coordinator I was meant to have a call to get to know them the other day and the call lasted 4 minutes and they weren’t very helpful. So idk if they can help. 

 

 

Ugh today was a mixed day I had one of my classes for the first time and it turns out I knew 2 people in the class and the rest of the class was really nice as well but we all hung around to kind of chat after the class and people were talking about how last year was terrible uni wise and some of the people were being really open about their own mental health struggles with depression and anxiety and stuff and it was cool but also it just reminded me that I can’t do the same thing because my mental health issues fall into the too scary basket and people are not so accepting of them. Like I can’t just be open and talk about what is going on because people won’t understand or they will think it is too much like my old friends did and will just stop talking to me. Idk it just felt weird. 

 

Also I am still really struggling with food and with doing daily living tasks and I am having trouble with my uni work already and I am still hearing things and I am still really scared all the time and idk I just feel super weird today and don’t really know what to do. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Sorry your new ndis coordinator hasn't been helpful for you @Eden1717 Smiley Sad I'm glad your class today was okay but that really sucks feeling like you can't talk about your mental health struggles because of stigma Smiley Sad As if dealing with all this wasn't enough on its own.. Not feeling like you can be honest about your struggles, I imagine that would give everything more power and add unwarranted shame to the mix? It makes sense you would feel weird in that situation. And that really really sucks your old friends stopped talking to you because they thought it was too much Smiley Sad Do you have friends who are supportive now? I'm sorry you're still struggling with looking after yourself and with uni and with the scary stuff that's happening Smiley Sad It all sounds like so much to be dealing with..

 

I'm sorry you were struggling studying for your favourite subject, stress can really take away from enjoyment of content. What's your favourite subject if that's okay to ask?

 

Ooh also I just wanted to mention that we had a chat about stigma recently- here's a link if you think that would be helpful at all? Smiley Happy If not, no worries!