Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[MB95]

That all sounds so intense @Eden1717. Why do you think the devil is mad at you? Like has something happened to make him/her think that? 

I'm not sure if you've ever tired this before or not? So just ignore me if you have, but have you ever tried doing a meal prep? Like cooking up a couple meals but in bigger batches and freezing some? I know $80 sucks and may not seem like much at all, but I find sometimes doing that really helps me make my money go so much further. Also helps to just be able to pull out a frozen meal on nights I don't wanna cook! Idk, I don't want to trigger anything but am happy to also share some ideas of bulk meals I usually make up to save time and money if you are needing some inspiration. Let me know what you think. 

On an up note, that's so exciting your laptop arrived!! Is it a brand new one? Or was your old one being fixed? Either way, I bet that's relieved a bit of stress for you knowing you've got one again!! 

[Eden1717]

@MB95  Yeah I have tried doing food prep before. It doesn’t really help me very much. It is a new laptop and it is good to have one that works again. The devil is mad at me because I have been ignoring them and haven’t done what they want me too yet. 

I feel tired but also really agitated at the moment and I want to cry and scream at everyone and I tried to go out and get some food but everything I looked at in the whole shop just made me feel gross and disgusting so now idk what I am going to do I still have more uni work to do that I haven’t done and I just I don’t feel right. 

[Andrea-RO]

I can really hear that you're struggling at the moment @Eden1717, especially with how anxious and on edge you're feeling right now. I know we've brought up your NDIS funding/coordination in the past, but maybe food could really be an area that support could really make a positive difference for you. I know they have a variety of programs that could help, so maybe you could send them an email about that in the future?

It also sounds like things are really scary for you right now, and I am really concerned to hear how scared you are about the beings trying to kill you. I can't even begin to imagine how stressful that would be all the time. Is there anyway we can support you with that tonight?

[Eden1717]

@Andrea-RO  I dont know about the NDIS and i really dont have the mental space to deal with them at the moment. I dont know what to do about being so scared like i keep trying to ignore it but that isnt working and i just i dont feel ok and i keep getting freaked out because i keep thinking people are demons and that people are watching or listening to me and the beings keep reminding me that i really shouldnt be here and i just i dont know what to do i am trying everything i can think of/have access too and nothing is helping. 

[Andrea-RO]

That's really fair, and I think I would feel the same if I was in your position @Eden1717 . Maybe it could be good to brainstorm stuff thats helped you in the past? I know that we've talked about certain music or tv shows being calming for you in past - would it help to try putting on something like that while you're comfortable in bed?

[Janine-RO]

Hey @Eden1717 , how are you doing today? Were you able to get some rest last night? 

[Eden1717]

@Andrea-RO  I have been trying to do that but it isnt working. 

@Janine-RO  i only got 3 hours of sleep last night and today i dont feel good. 

I am really tired and I feel like I am about to start crying again and everything is just too much i cant manage uni and i cant even take care of my own basic needs nothing is getting done and i want to scream but i also just want to disappear and be gone. i dont know why i ever thought i could do this it was a stupid idea that was doomed from the start. i dont even care what the beings want anymore i am sure they will get it anyway they always do.  

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Eden1717, it sounds like you are feeling really overwhelmed. I can imagine how that leads you to feeling on the verge of screaming and crying. It sounds really intense and a lot to deal with, especially on 3 hours sleep

Do you have any plans for tonight?

[Eden1717]

@Taylor-RO  I have plans but not for tonight and i cant really talk about them on here anyway. 

[Taylor-RO]

When are your plans for instead @Eden1717?

Things sound like they have been really challenging lately. Hopefully you can find a way to relax or distract yourself tonight. If you need some ideas, we can brainstorm some together