Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Andrea-RO]

That's so incredibly scary @Eden1717, have you shared this with anyone, or are you mostly trying to handle that on your own? Do you think it would be possible for you to try and go to sleep, so that way you can get a break from hear the voices?

[Eden1717]

@Andrea-RO  yeah I just finished watching a movie and I am going to try and go to bed soon. 

[Eden1717]

ugh i am so angry at myself i still havent taken the meds and i just want to scream like i am still too scared and i keep trying to and idk why i just cant i just i dont know what to do anymore. 

[MB95]

That sounds super frustrating @Eden1717. It sounds like you know and agree deep down that you should be taking them but thoughts and fears are getting in the way? I know it's a bit of a long shot but any chance you still have that poster of reminders of why you should take them? Maybe trying to reflect on the good side of it all might help? Idk. Sorry. 

[Janine-RO]

Hey @Eden1717 , I'm really sorry to hear that things are still really intense today. I can hear how hard you are trying, and we are here to support you. You mention that you're still feeling really scared, are you still feeling like the meds could hurt you? I can imagine that would feel like such a terrible position to be stuck in  

[Eden1717]

@MB95 @Janine-RO  I dont still have the poster and i am just really scared they will do something to hurt me like i think it is a test and if i take them then the devil will kill me but if i dont take them then i will get in trouble with whoever the hell is going to be overseeing my "case" i will get dragged back to hospital and put on a stinking depot and then the stupid freaking devil will kill me anyway like this whole big thing was just a trap from the beginning and everyone knows it and is just laughing at me behind my back. that is what i feel like. 

[Janine-RO]

That sounds like it would be so frightening for you @Eden1717 , it really is just shit for you, and I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wondering if it would help to read back over your posts from when you were about to leave hospital - it did sound like things were less scary for you when you were taking the medication then. Is there anything you can do tonight to help yourself feel a bit more safe? 

[Eden1717]

@Janine-RO  Idk i am trying to watch netflix and have been listening to music i had 2 naps to try and calm down but i still feel really agitated and scared and i am trying i really am i just cant do it and idk why i just want to study and everything is a mess. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Eden1717, it sucks that you are still feeling agitated and scared. It sounds like today has been really difficult and frustrating. From what you have said, you are doing all that you can to relax. I wish there was more that we could do to help ease your discomfort

[Eden1717]

@Taylor-RO  thanks

I still havent been able to take the meds and i am really scared. I got a call from the community team and they want me to see the psychiatrist next week. the person who I talked to asked about meds and stuff and they said i should take them and ugh idk i am just scared what is going to happen now and idk what to do.