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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 , 

 

Just wanted to say that we're thinking of you today, it sounds like things have been really intense for you, and I hope you have some people supporting you today.  I'm so sorry to hear you had such a shit experience with the doctor. Keep us posted with how you get on at the tribunal, we are here for you. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Exactly what @Janine-RO said! 

We're here and thinking of you today @Eden1717. It's not going to be easy, but I know you can do it. 💙

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I hope you're doing okay @Eden1717. I just wanted to let you know I've been thinking of you all day and hope it went as smoothly as possible and that it was a positive outcome and you are safe and taking some time to yourself to relax as I'm sure today would have been exhausting for you. There is absolutely no need to reply, take your time and just look after yourself and don't forget we are here if you need us okay? Sorry for being annoying, I just wanted to remind you of that. ❤

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Sophia-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @Janine-RO @MB95  thanks everyone today went really badly, i am on a 6 month treatment order and i feel like i am being set up to fail. i have been taking the medication the last 4 days but they are still threatening me with injections and they have said i can have leave overnight and then over the weekend and then if that all goes well i can be discharged and i desperately want to go home but i still think the meds are bad and want them out of me and i am scared i will be too scared to take them and then they will just make me have injections like that is what they wanted all along. like i know i legally have to take them now but i am still so scared and i still think the doctors are trying to kill me and nothing has changed and they just expect everything to be fine idk i just feel like shit today and everything is going wrong and i have fucked everything up so badly like now people will be checking on me and ugh i dont want to deal with this and i want to cry i feel so horrible but i feel like i am not allowed to. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 , 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that things didn't go the way you were hoping they would yesterday, it must feel pretty confronting to be under a treatment order. I'm glad that you'll be able to go home soon though, do you know what kind of supports you'll be set up with? I also just wanted to say that what you're feeling is valid, it must be an awful feeling to feel like you're being set up to fail, and  you're allowed to cry and feel horrible. We're all here for you whenever you need to vent. 

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Check out our community activities calendar here

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry today went badly Smiley Sad We're really proud of you for pushing through this hospital stay, despite feeling scared and like you are being set up to fail. It sounds like you're feeling pretty unsupported, particularly by the hospital. I imagine it feels like being there hasn't helped much at all- and they're just sending you on your way with things feeling even more difficult (being on the treatment order and having to take medication). That's a really tough space to sit in...

What makes you say you feel like you've messed things up? Why wouldn't you be allowed to cry?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Janine-RO thanks

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  i cant cry because i am worried if they catch me it will delay my discharge. And i screwed up because now i still have to do what i promised but now people will be watching me and it will be harder to do. 

 

TW........ Honestly and i am trying not to but nothing has changed and the reasons i was trying to kill myself before are still there and are still a big problem and i feel like i will just go home and try again  like this hospital stay has done nothing except make me tired and scared and now i just feel like i have to try harder to kill myself. But i dont feel like there is any point telling the doctors this because they won't believe me anyway. Like no one here listens and i cant be bothered trying to explain myself anymore. I just dont know what to do i dont want to end up back in hospital but i also dont feel like i can tell anyone the truth either which leaves me with just accepting my fate. Anyway today has been terrible and i am super tired and i dont want to deal with anything but i dont even have the energy to explain what is going on on here. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I am so sorry to hear how incredibly difficult the past week has been for you. I can hear that things have been endlessly exhausting and discouraging for you, and I can only imagine how painful this whole process has been. 

 

I saw that Janine had asked what sort of supports you'd be set up with after your discharge, would you be able to tell us about that at all? Will you be working with an outpatient mental health team? I know that things are really scary, and I am deeply sorry to hear that you've had some really gross experiences with the mental health care team at the hospital, but they do genuinely care about your wellbeing, and do want you to feel better (though I can admit that they've made a lot of mistakes in their attempts to do so) Heart

I am glad you were able to check in with us, and I really appreciate you taking the time to explain what's going on, especially when you're feeling so so tired right now Heart Heart

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm really sorry to hear things didn't pan out the way you were hoping yesterdsy @Eden1717. And I'm sorry you feel like it's just made things worse. I can understand it must be hard and scary to sit with and I wish there was something we could do to help! I think that the fact it's now become a legal thing with the medication goes to show how many people want to help you because they believe it is going to make a difference for you. I know it may not feel like it, but I am sure they wouldn't have dragged you through that process otherwise. I really do think, or at least hope, that they had your best intentions at heart when making that decision. Remember back to when we were all noticing some changes and you were feeling it too? Do you think you could maybe try and see this as a trial period to see if you can get back to feeling like that? I know it totally sucks it's not on your own terms but it could be worth riding out for a bit to see how it all pans out? Because how amazing would it be if this medication did actually work for you and change things for the better?! You could look back on this time, and although it being one of the hardest points in your life, it may end up being a step that helps you get to where you've been trying to see yourself for a while now? Idk. I don't wanna throw all positive vibes out there cause I know how annoying that is when you're really not feeling it. But I just thought I'd throw it out there that although it's tough now, it may end up being a step in the right direction? Only time will tell I guess. I just hope they've made this legal because they truly believe it's going to help. Have you been able to connect with your paychiatrist throughout this process at all? I'm just wondering if he may be able to help you in any way? Maybe you could even talk the medication through with him seems he knows you better and is someone you trust? 

 

I just wish there was something I could do to help because I can hear the pain you're in. Just remember we are here okay? Always. If you want to try and explain some of those yucky throughts we are here to listen. I just want to check and make sure you're safe? I really do think you should at least let your mum or friend know how you're feeling before you go on leave. Would you feel comfortable sharing it with them so they can keep an eye on you? 

 

Also.. what do you have planned for your time of leave? I hope it all works out for you. 💙

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Andrea-RO  I am not sure what supports i will be set up with on discharge i was told i am supposed to get a case manager but i really have no idea no one has told me anything. 

@MB95 my doctor didnt let me go on overnight leave he said maybe later. 

 

I still feel really bad and i am so exhausted and i want to scream and everything is a mess and i want to cry and i fucked everything up and my head wont stop and i cant take all this much longer.