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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Eden1717 First off, I want to tell you that even though us mods are merely names and text on a screen here, we are also people that genuinely care about you. It might not feel like enough because we can't fix up all these challenges you have been battling for so long. If we could do something to make it easier, we would do it in a heartbeat. 

 

It sucks shit but sometimes it feels like the stars have to align before you get the help you need. I remember times in my life where I thought it would never come. But it did and it's mainly because my circumstances changed, sadly this stuff doesn't happen overnight. 

 

What you have though is incredible resilience. Even though it is exhausting beyond words, you have a quality that keeps you safe and striving for more. It would be hard to do this uni work, when you are doing so much personal work/growth. 

 

Is there a student support service you can make contact with? Let me know if I can do some research for you, if that would make it easier to get help with extensions. You deserve all the support in the world Heart 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO  I am sorry I didnt mean to make it sound like people on RO dont care i was mostly talking about people irl and medical professionals some who have actually just laughed at me when i brought this up. it isnt about uni either my uni is as supportive as they can be this is about the eating issues which i have tried and tried and tried to get help with for years and no one will help or cares (irl) I have tried every support service in my area and none would take me and even interstate and none of the programs are good for me because they only deal with anorexia or bulimia which isnt what i have and i have tried private specialist psychologists and it cost my parents so much money and they didnt even know what to do with me and i have tried telling psychiatrist and people at the hospital and there is literally nothing left to try and i just cant deal with this. 

 

and i have been crying all morning and am supposed to have a stinking zoom lecture in a few hours and i dont even know if i can stop crying.  

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

No need to say sorry @Eden1717 - I totally get what you mean. Face to face supports are so important and it's hard to convey to level of support you need through text. But I'm glad you know we care about you because we really, really do. 

 

I have no doubt in my mind that you have done everything in your power to get the support you need. The sucky thing is, is that sometimes the quality of that support is sooo dependent on where you live. Do you mind if I ask what kinds of ED struggles you have? 

 

And know that it's okay if you can't attend the lecture. You come first, uni and study will always be there. If you feel like you really want to be part of it, can you put yourself on mute/no cam? 

 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO  But I HAVE to be at this lecture because there is something super important happening (which we have been working towards the last 2 weeks and i should be excited about) it is for japanese and we are meant to be meeting online with a partner university in japan to do this whole program thing and like if there was any lecture i cant miss it is this one.

 

TW for eating isues

 

I have OSFED so I have issues with binge eating as well as restricting my food/not eating at all and I also do some purging behaviors and it is basically bits of all the eating disorders mixed up together and i go through different phases randomly. 

 

 

I keep thinking i have stopped crying then a few minutes later and it starts again. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear you're not being supported for your eating disorder in real life, that's horrible. I don't understand why professional supports wouldn't help you as these kind of behaviours are really damaging Smiley Sad Have you tried that ED specific helpline- the butterfly foundation? I don't know much about it but maybe they can offer some help? What kind of support are you needing for your ED that you aren't getting? Ugh I'm sorry uni is so sucky atm Smiley Sad
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Ahhh @Eden1717 it sucks when you want to be part of something but mental health stuff gets in the way. I remember once I had to turn down this awesome opportunity to make a podcast and had to turn it down to focus on my mental health. It's a lot of pressure to feel like you have to do anything, when you aren't feeling well, let alone uni work. 

 

Also, thanks for sharing. I think there's a lot of focus on other ED's but if you want me to I can try and find some support for what you are specifically going through? I have had some experience with OSFED. 

 

If you are crying a lot, that is okay. Crying is a healthy way of expressing emotions, does that resonate with you?

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I have tried the butterfly foundation on many occasions they have also said they cant find any more services in my area that i haven't already tried. I honestly think it is too late for anything to work to help with it now like to be honest the only thing that might help is if i was somewhere where they were constantly monitoring my food and were slowly able to get me to eat normally but even that would take probably a few years and there is nothing like that that exists. like maybe if someone had bothered trying to help back when i started but now it is too far gone to respond to the usual stuff. 

 

@Bre-RO  you can look but i dont think there is anything anyway. crying doesnt help though even if it is a healthy way to express my feelings it just makes me tired and unable to do things but the emotions dont feel resolved or less intense later if anything they feel worse. i am exhausted now from all the crying and i have my lecture starting soon and i dont even want to have to speak but now i will have to pretend to be ok and speak in another language and try and pay attention and i am supposed to be doing the other stuff i didnt get to do on the weekend but now that isnt going to happen either because i will be more than exhausted after and everything is just a huge mess. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I get you @Eden1717 sometimes crying feels like a release and other times it feels like you're just drowning in pain. 

 

As for the ED services, I wanna do a bit of research so I can find something that might actually be helpful, so I'll get back to you with that, if that's okay? 

 

Hope tonight isn't terrible for you, thinking of you. 

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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

It sounds like you're feeling pretty trapped @Eden1717 Smiley Sad Are there any outpatient groups available for you to join?
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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Bre-RO  that is fine.

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  nope there are no outpatient groups well there is one that exists in my area but they already said they wouldnt take me. 

 

I am really struggling today i feel so weird and no matter how many times i try and sit down to do my uni work i just cant which means i am falling even more behind. i am trying so hard but i cant even just existing is difficult. everything is too much. i cant even write about how i am feeling properly.