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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 I'm sorry to hear that there has been so much stress going on for you- it sounds like a lot for anyone to have on there plate- with your pain, eating issues, worries about people hurting you, not being able to take the meds and having to worry about what will happen if you don't, and trying to keep up with uni... It's good you've been trying to take a bit of a break from all that by watching netflix, listening to music, and taking naps Smiley Happy And I can understand the wanting to get to uni work but that being hard when there's so much going on.. Is there any way we can help with taking the meds or the worries about the doctors wanting to hurt you? It sounds really scary and stressful Smiley Sad

(***TW re the eating issues***) I can appreciate how mean our brains as well as other people can be about stuff around eating and body image. And how triggering it can be to have people around you that endorse harmful attitudes towards eating and body image. I'm sorry it's getting in the way of buying clothes and that you feel you shouldn't eat. I can understand a bit with how cruel we can be to ourselves, I feel I always have to wear baggy clothes and feel I look like a 'freak' and that I'm worthless because of my weight and how I look. I hope you know that those thoughts you have about yourself, they aren't true. This is cheesy haha but everyone is beautiful and bodies are pretty amazing, it can be helpful to remind ourselves of how much our bodies do for us and really challenge why society has made us think so negatively about body image. It's really sad how so many people struggle with this stuff. I can't imagine how invalidating it would be to be dismissed by people- We think what you're experiencing is valid, serious, and can hear how negatively it's impacting so many aspects of life for you Smiley Sad **

With the meds I know we've talked about looking at how sometimes they made you feel less scared when you take them, but it doesn't sound like that's very helpful for you because right now it sounds like the medication is really scary and challenging thoughts and looking at pros and cons isn't helping as much as we'd like? Am I interpreting that right? Perhaps we need to look at them from a different angle? Like maybe emotionally the fear about them rather than 'logically'? What do you think? It's just an idea!

Anyways sorry for the long post and sorry I've been so bad at replying to people on here Smiley Sad How have things been today other than worrying about the meds?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Awww I am sorry that you still have been unable to take them @Eden1717. That must be really challenging to have that weighing on your mind all the time Smiley Sad Just so I understand better, when you say you are scared about what is going to happen now, do you mean next week with the psychiatrist?

 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 you are incredible. Just feel like I need to remind you of that. 

 

How are you feeling today @Eden1717 ? 

 

**TW**

I think what @Lost_Space_Explorer5 said about the body image is so true! I've struggled with it since I was a young girl. I hate the way I look and can barely look at myself in the mirror. But I'm sure you get it. What I wanted to say was that since doing anatomy and physiology at uni I've come to realise just how incredible the human body actually is!! This being said, it hasn't changed the way I see myself but it has helped me to try and remind myself of how lucky I am to have a body that functions. Idk. I was listening to this podcast where a psychologist and psychotherapist talk all things mental health, they're awesome, and they did an episode on body image. Anyway, one of their strategies they suggested (and you may have heard it, idk) is that when you are looking in the mirror, instead of saying 'I hate my arms they are so fat' to try and say things like 'cool, I have arms' and then gradually making your way to things like 'I have arms and they help me to do things' etc. Idk if this helps at all cause I understand how complex body issues are, trust me. But it's something I have been trying really hard to do myself. It definitely doesn't work every time, but sometimes I manage to shift how I see myself and although it hasn't quite made me feel amazing yet, it does help relieve some of the self loathing and leaves me feeling more appreciative for what I do have and how incredible bodies are whether they are fat, skinny, tall, short, black, white, yellow or purple! Idk. I just wanted to share that little strategy with you both because I'd never heard of it until a couple weeks ago and it's something I wish I'd been taught sooner. Like I said, it doesn't always work, and it's pretty hard to do sometimes but I encourage you both to give it a go next time you're hating on your body or a certain part of your body. Because you're both beautiful people and I have absolutely no doubts that it radiates to the outside too 💙 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @Taylor-RO @MB95  thanks for the replies 

 

@MB95 @Lost_Space_Explorer5  the issue is not so simple with the eating stuff TW....... I am overweight and that is a result of many things but it is pretty freaking hard to love your body even just for what it can do when the whole world is constantly reminding you of what it cant do, nothing is built of overweight people nothing, have you ever gone to a waiting room and not been able to sit down because the chairs are too small and the arms cut into your hips and hurt you badly? or tried to sit down at a bench at a restaurant and not fit? or tried to sit on those tiny restaurant stools that cut into the sides of your legs? have you ever got into a car and not been able to do up the seatbelt? have you ever gone out to a fun park and not been able to go on the rides because of the weight limits? have you sat down in a food court and had kids point at you and call you fat and had people glare at you because you had the audacity to eat something? have you ever sat in a seat in a plane and not fit and then had the person who has to sit next to you glare at you and huff and puff because they are sitting next to the fat person? have you had to deal with the fact that walking and sitting and even sleeping are painful because of the weight on your joints? have you had a doctor dismiss your health concerns because you are fat and that must be the reason despite having a long family history of complex health issues? have you had to go to the shops to get clothes and realise there is nothing in your size? 

these experiences are just some of the many things overweight people deal with daily all while constantly being criticised simply for existing in their own bodies. how are you meant to love your body when everything and everyone around you is telling you it is wrong and doesnt fit and isnt made for this world that we live in. 

 

 

 

I am still having a hard time with everything, I am struggling to take care of myself and i am not coping with uni at all and everything is a mess my eating is terrible and i still havent been able to take the meds and i am exhausted from constantly being in pain form my back and not sleeping because of it as well and i want to cry but i dont even have the energy for that. i want to scream i know that so many issues i am having are exacerbated by capitalism but i cant fix that either and i am just one person. i just want to be able, to be ABLE. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Sorry to hear about your experiences @Eden1717. They sound quite difficult and I can understand when you say the issue is not simple. Sounds like there is a lot involved and that there has been a lot on your mind. It sucks to hear that you are still having a hard time with various activities right now. How have you been able to manage how you have been feeling lately? Is there anyone that you feel comfortable talking to about what you have been going through?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Okay I deleted my post here because I overshared wayy too much, as usual Smiley LOL And it was doing no one any good being here]

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Sophia-RO  I am not really managing how i am feeling tbh and there isnt really anyone i can talk to.

 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I wasnt trying to say that you were being invalidating or that you personally didnt understand and my response wasnt specifically about you or if you understood it was more that i was trying to illustrate why for me the idea of loving your body no matter what doesnt resonate with me. the questions werent meant to be a direct question for you they were meant to be a way of expressing my experiences and they were more meant to be rhetorical in nature but i am sorry if i didnt make that clear or if i came across as if i was accusing you of something because that was not my intention. I am sorry if you have had those experiences that isnt nice at all. I think I will just stop talking about the eating stuff on here i think maybe this isnt the right place to talk about this stuff for me anyway and that isnt anyones fault or anything i think it just doesnt meet my personal needs. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 yeah I think I know you didn't mean it that way... I may have just gotten a little triggered sorry Smiley Sad Talking about eating/body image stuff can be really tricky and it can do more harm than good having 'peer support' about certain topics because we don't have the best tools to help each other sometimes Smiley Sad

Whoops I didn't realise they were rhetorical that makes a lot more sense I can be a little too literal sometimes 😬

Thanks for being so honest and kind about this even though I kind of reacted a bit badly Smiley Happy You always seem so rational and good at articulating things that seem so confusing lol idk how you do that

And that's okay I'm sorry we couldn't better support you on here Smiley Sad I've know there's the butterfly foundation, but you've probably already looked into them? Is there anyone you can talk to about this in a way that's more helpful for you? Or something we could do in the future if you ever do want support about this topic because you're always welcome to talk about anything on here? I hope you are able to find support about this stuff because it is really important Smiley Sad

Is there anything nice you can do for yourself tonight?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey guys, how are things going today? It looks like you were having a bit of a rough night @Eden1717.

 

Also you don't need to beat yourself up @Lost_Space_Explorer5 ! I think it's just important to show you care, and I know you were doing that last night💖

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Sorry @Eden1717. I didn't mean to upset you, I was just hoping that it might help in some way to share a strategy I've been trying to use myself. But like I said, I totally get how complex body image and issues are. It's not a fun time. For anyone or any body type. It's such a bull shit topic and one I wish did not exist. I'm not going to keep talking about it as I can tell It's been quite triggering for you both to discuss and I really don't want to upset anyone. But I do wonder if you've ever contacted the butterfly foundation before? Or accessed support for it? You don't have to share, but like @Lost_Space_Explorer5 mentioned, I do hope you are able to find the right support one day. We're always here if you do find yourself wanting to talk about it, but I completely respect and acknowledge this may not be the right space for you. It sounds like there are a lot of terrible thoughts and experiences associated with your body image and I truly am sorry you feel the way you do because you deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin and to feel accepted in society just as anyone else does. I hope today you're able to do something kind for yourself. I can imagine it's not easy right now considering everything, but I do hope you're able to catch a break at some stage. 

 

Are you watching anything cool on Netflix atm? What sort of movies do you like?