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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hopefully you are not having issues with your psychiatrist anymore @Eden1717. That must have made your therapy sessions difficult! It;s good to hear that your psychologist has been supporting you through this. Hopefully time will help your symptoms and help you feel a bit better. I am sorry to hear that you feel like you can't tell your family. That must be really challenging. It is good that you have been receiving support from both your psychiatrist and psychologist though Heart

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717, it sounds like your psychologist appointment went a bit better, even though they're still newish? Or did you still feel a bit misunderstood? You sound like you might be doing a bit better to me too actually! Things don't seem as intense and frightening as before for you from what you've been saying? Am I interpreting that right? Do you think this change is down to the medication or is it something else?

Mm yeah it is isolating not being able to fully talk to people Smiley Sad I get a similar feeling where I don't feel like any of this is real but I guess I've just learned to ignore it.. Do you think you could journal your thoughts so you don't feel trapped in your head? I've tried that, but that doesn't really help me see my whole self if that makes sense? It's like somethings always missing Smiley Sad Maybe journaling will work for you though?

Hehe something funny just happened that I thought I'd share.. My cat stole my scarf from where it was sitting on my chair and he carried it out of my room like it was a dead animal. I guess I'll find that somewhere tomorrow in some hidden corner of the house Smiley Very Happy Do you like cats?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 , it's really nice to see you back around here again, how are you going today? Your uni subjects sound really interesting, has your semester started again? 


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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Sophia-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5 @Janine-RO  I was going to reply yesterday but I didn’t because the forum seems to have eaten my other post. I do like cats except we haven’t had one because my sister is allergic but my grandma has cats. They are cute but also kind of chaotic and evil sometimes. I have tried journaling but idk I have to be in the right mood and lately I haven’t been. Uni started back today it was very intense I had a lecture and it was for Japanese and the whole lecture was delivered in Japanese and I kept up but since I didn’t study the last 6 months I am very rusty and I need to do a lot of revision so it has been an intense day and mentally I am feeling like my head has been through a washing machine. And I am doing full time again why idk what made me do that but I have so so so much work to do and I am already tired so we will see what happens. 


On another note I am getting a bit of a side effect from the medication and now I really don’t want to take it anymore and I just want to stop but I know my psychiatrist and psychologist will be mad and they already threatened me with a depot and I don’t want that but I am also super mad about this and it is just going to make me not want to eat at all now. I hate this I want to cry. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hehe, cats are very temperamental and aloof (but that's kind of relatable for me lol)! Awh uni sounds so freaking intense, do you think you should reduce your study load and ease your way back into it? Or are you just going to push through?

Ugh side effects are the worst Smiley Sad Is it very worrying? When are you next seeing your psych about it? What did you mean by it's going to make you not want to eat at all now?

I'm sorry stuff is getting intense again Eden Smiley Sad It sounds like uni made you tired on top of everything else..

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 it's been awhile, I've been thinking of you and hoping that you're well. That's pretty cool that you were able to keep up with the Japanese lecture when you hadn't studied in six months - sounds like an exhausting day though. 


Also, your comment about cats being cute but chaotic and evil made me lol. 


adopts cat lady GIF

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward




The side effect is weight gain which makes my eating disorder issues 100000 times worse and makes me want to kill myself over gaining weight so now idk what to do and I literally just want to stop taking it. Either that or I will just have to stop eating.

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

(TW) Oh I'm sorry @Eden1717, one of the meds I'm on makes me put on weight as well, which brings up a lot of worry and self hate for me too Smiley Sad Can you talk to your psych about these concerns and how to manage them? I totally get where you're coming from, but like for me I've just been told to sort of deal with it and watch what I eat because these meds keep me safe. But at the same time, it has triggered disordered eating behaviours for me then trying to quit the meds without talking to my psych so I understand feeling conflicted Smiley Sad

Ugh I wish they would develop new meds which don't have as many side effects... Or better yet, I wish I didn't need meds Smiley Sad

Hmm the only thing I've found helpful is to try to think about it in a healthier way? Otherwise I'll just sort of "yo-yo" up and down from eating inconsistently and feel really bad about myself.

I guess just try and eat healthy but don't obsessively focus on what you're eating and try to do a little exercise each day without fixating on that either. Talking to your psych about changing the dose or meds might be a good idea too

Gah, I wish I could offer better help but I literally have the same problem with the side effects Smiley Sad Plus being sleepy allll the time Smiley Sad It sucks

Oh we did a live GR yesterday on body image and there were some possibly helpful resources there, if you think that might be of use for you? But don't go triggering yourself more if you think that's going to make things worse!

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

It sucks that this is such a common thing that people struggle with, when it comes to meds @Eden1717, must feel like you can't win either way. Some good insights from @Lost_Space_Explorer5 though Smiley Happy

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  It isn’t something I can just eat healthy and not obsess over. I have had an eating disorder that has been going on for 15 years and being consistently ignored by everyone because I am not under weight and it is really bad and frankly completely past the point of me being able to control it. So it isn’t something where I can just watch what I eat. I am not trying to sound angry at you I am just saying it is kind of past the point of make some lifestyle changes. I literally don’t know what to do and now I am even more freaked out cause I just heard some of the voices saying “they are trying to kill you, don’t let them kill you” and now I am freaked out that I shouldn’t be taking the meds on top of the issues with the side effects. I want to scream. 


@Bre-RO  I never get to win anything it is all just which kind of suffering can I tolerate and for how long.